European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 12, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                California custody Battle parental rights for lesbians by Kathleen Hendrix los Angeles times Nancy and Michelle a Story started out like something of a romantic idyll a late-20th Century California Modem. They met in the summer of 1969, when they i were in their 20s, and began living together. That november marriage not being an option in lesbian relationships they pledged lifelong commitment to each other in a private ceremony. They owned property together bought a farm and worked it and were Active in the Quaker Community. I by the time that commitment dissolved in 1985, two i children were involved. Nancy had been artificially i inseminated and Given birth to a girl in 1980 and a boy in 11984. What once was a idyll is now before the California court of Appeal. In popular terms this is a custody Battle. In Legal terms it is about the definition of parenthood and whether the boundaries should be stretched to reflect the Complex and non traditional familial structures that Are reality for an increasing number of americans. Michelle and Nancy s Story has taken a painful enough turn that both parties requested that their last names not be used and that the children a names not be revealed. Michelle agreed to an interview Only in the presence of her lawyer Amy Oppenheimer. Through her lawyer Carol Amyx Nancy refused to be interviewed preferring to let Amyx represent her. If there is one thing All concerned seem to have in common it is using the phrase Quot Best interests of the . Quot my client is very concerned about protecting her children s privacy Quot Amyx said explaining Why Nancy would not be interviewed or identified. Quot she is a very committed caring person putting their Best interests  a their Best interests. Nancy says would be served if the California court of Appeal upholds the february 1989 ruling in Alameda county Superior court in Berkeley that Nancy is the sole Parent of the children and that Michelle has no standing to seek custody or visitation. Quot my whole Point Quot Michelle says of her struggle to be acknowledged As a Parent Quot is that children Are treated As property owned by their parents. The courts do not go by the Best interests of the  at the National Center for lesbian rights a san. Francisco Public interest Law firm representing Michelle in a the Appeal along with Oppenheimer Quot the Issue to us is the a fact the courts Are not willing to expand the definition of parental rights sufficiently to take into consideration the Best interests of the children when the family does not conform to the traditional Model Quot attorney Maria Gil de Lamadrid said. It s Clear to us the Legal system has not caught up to recognizing that lots of families do not conform to that  this is an age in which the nuclear family has become one of Many models including remarried divorced people with children from three marriages lesbian and homosexual couples raising children surrogate mothers and adults raising and nurturing children with whom they have neither biological nor adoptive relationships. But just As there is no Legal marriage in Many of these relationships there is no divorce Law governing breakups. A this is Brand new cutting Edge stuff Here Quot Michelle said about her former relationship with Nancy the Conception and rearing of the children and the court Case. After living together for 10 years Michelle and Nancy decided to raise children. By then in 1979, they were living in Berkeley where Nancy taught elementary school and Michelle was a graduate student and teacher in biology. Adoption was not an option for lesbian couples Only one Hildren Are treated As property owned by their parents. The courts do not go by the Best interests of the children. Woman could have legally adopted. Not choosing that route and because Michelle had had a Hysterectomy it was agreed that Nancy would Bear a child. They found an Anonymous sperm donor. Michelle performed the artificial insemination and was present at the birth of a girl in june 1980. The girl was Given a surname from Michelle s family. On the birth certificate signed by Nancy Michelle with an initial for a first name is listed As the father. The same procedures were followed in the Conception and birth of the boy the women presented themselves As co parents and were accepted As such socially. They were Given a baby Shower. The quakers held a welcoming ceremony for the girl. They were treated As parents by schools medical offices in records and papers. The girl called them by their first names at times and called them both Quot mom Quot As did the boy later on. Then in january 1985, about six months after the birth of the boy the women separated. Nancy moved out with the boy leaving the girl with Michelle. For the next 31/a years the boy spent most of his time with Nancy the girl with Michelle with visits usually two Days per week to the other woman. They discussed the possibility of Michelle legally adopting the girl but Nancy would have had to relinquish her parental rights under the Law and neither woman wanted that. Then in september 1988, after months of increasing difficulty Between the two women and Nancy a dissatisfaction with the custodial and visitation arrangements Nancy went to court. While both children were with Nancy Michelle was served with a temporary restraining order barring her from Contact with the children. Quot it hit me cold Quot Michelle said. Quot and it hit the girl cold. She just had what was in her  Michelle was offered an agreement acknowledging that she had served Quot As a Parent  the agreement would have Given her in effect joint custody regarding time with the children finances decisions about education health and spiritual development. In return however she had to acknowledge Nancy As the sole biological or Legal Parent and accept her ultimate authority Over the children including the authority to change or revoke the agreement. The agreement is unacceptable to Michelle who says her relationship with the children Quot my son my daughter Quot would be at a a somebody a  Michelle s attorney supports her Contention that she is a Parent. Oppenheimer regards that concept of parenthood As an important one in the Gay and lesbian Community. Quot i still agree parents rights Are greater than no parents Quot Oppenheimer said. Quot what bothers me is the Way Nancy construes her argument. Being part of the Community of Gays and lesbians. Nancy spent so Many years of her life trying to build a notion of parentage and now she s using the Law to deny it Ever existed. Its  attorneys say the court of Appeal May not decide the Case for a year. For Michelle at Best it will be a year in limbo. The girl s room is waiting for her unchanged. When she sees the children Michelle says she tries Quot not to fall into the sunday father Quot pattern of awkward excursions and stilted conversations. In every sense of the word she considers herself a Parent and of being a Parent she says Quot it was the Best Job i Ever had in my life. Hands Down. Its very hard now. Quot yes i miss the holidays but that s not the worst part. I miss being in the House fixing dinner for them and hearing them playing outside figuring out what to put in their lunches cuddling on the Couch and watching to. That a the kind of stuff that a so  it is the kind of detail that Amyx dismisses As legally irrelevant. 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