European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 29, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse Saturday december 29, 1990 the stars and stripes Page 25commentaryan award winning a in the world of writing the year in Der Story commonly referred to As Quot a look Back a a the year that was a a what you missed if you were in a coma the past year is a euphemism for a pm too Lazy to do some real i openly admit this. Its the Holiday season and my gut is bursting with too Many Holiday cheers. So to combat my laziness Here Are the awards sports illustrated is too wimpy to give out the Robert Rios award. This one goes to the person who suffered the cruel realities of Mother nature. Named in Honor of the popular an to weather forecaster this years award goes to Mannheim Bison kicker Steve Hawes. The Story Hawes lined up for what would have been the game winning 47-Yard Field goal when the Bison battled the Niernberg eagles for the Germany big schools football championship in november the kick was there. If it goes through Hawes gives Mannheim a 13-12 win in the waning seconds. Thanks to a huge gust of wind the kick is held up in midair falling just Yards Short. Nairn Bergwin 12-10. Ouch the censor award. This award goes to the person or organization who controls what you can or cannot watch. Talk about the pot calling the Kettle he the envelope. The superstition. Those same Wacky people who brought us that a snowball yes Afna a programmers deemed it necessary to show us that critical Philadelphia Dallas slug est a 17-3 Sleeper won by the eagles last sunday instead of giving us the to Huin dolphins Bills showdown. Incidentally that game decided the acc East. The Bills won 24-14. If you had a radio you heard it. If not thank god for the 10-minute tickers. The where did you come from All of a sudden award. This one goes to the Man woman or team that comes out of nowhere. The candidates included the Niernberg knights basketball team and the Rhein main rockets football team. A a a. A a a a to the knights won Vii corps last season but hardly figured into the army european championship equal Tion. There were the run and gun Kaiserslautern panthers and the brutal Baum older bears to bargain with. Done to forget 7th at. ,. The knights beat 7th at then shocked the Bas. Netball world by Topping Baum older in the title series. To a a a a a a a a v a v a a. Then we go to desert shield embraced Rhym main a where the rockets get pounded 40-0 by Wei Nicken in the Continental sports conference season opener. The coach quits. The team is in disarray. Internal bickering is rampant. Boom. Jose Valentin is named head coach run Rob Staggenborg Ning Back Charley Harris comes to life. The rockets beat Hahn Simbach and Span Dahlem in consecutive weeks to win the Csc title. They lose in the Safe final. The envelope Rhein main by a landslide. The Bazooka award. This one is actually a broadcasting award. Gee another broadcasting award please hold your quivering. A the Bazooka voice of the �?T90s is not Brent Quot or. Monotone Musburger nor is it Ernie. Quot dead air King Harwell nor is it John a a ainu to this chalkboard the rage a Madden. The Bazooka voice of the �?T90s is in no a Van Earl Wright. Yes the Guy who sounds like Don Pardo on acid. To appreciate Nis schizophrenic style is to listen to him. Sports broadcasting was never like this. Then again with a name like Van Earl you better be Good. The stat Corner award. Stat people arc really irritating. No award Given. A the name of the year award. Names Are nothing to laugh at. They Are the Mark of individual ism. They Are unique. They Are the substance of life. The candidates Dobie Strong Hahn basketball Forwar Cherry tree Wei Nicken High school track athlete ,. Bonnie Daye Ramstein football receiver and basketball guard Deluca Thurmond Spang a Goliath Yeggins Niernberg basketball cent Roliver Luck Frankfurt Galaxy pm and Hia Wathia Porter Rhein main a a. Hands Down. Cherry tree. Yes that is a real name. As far As in a concerned any girl with a last name like tree deserves Cherry for a first name. Orange Apple. Bonnie incidentally is a male. The Heimlich Man Euver award. The choke is one of sports most underrated occurrences. It takes a lot of guts and ineptitude to choke. The candidate list goes on and on. From Ramstein swallowing the Bullet and losing to Span Dahlem to Spang losing to Rhein main in Spang to Oakland coughing up red in the world series. These Are Good but the most classic choke Case comes from last Summers world cup. Italy loses in the semifinals to Argentina in a shootout. Salvatore Schillaci the italian Savior docs absolutely nothing As the Host country Shames itself by losing. Cough cough. V the we re mad As hell award. This one goes to the Man or team who Conics Back with a vengeance. The Portland Trail blazers Lake this one hands Down. They lost to the mighty Detroit pistons in the Aba title series last season. As of Fyda they were kicking butt with a 2fc-3 record. Boston was 23-4 before Friday nights game but the blazers Are hot Pun intended the Ernest ruined Christmas award. This coveted award is Given to the team person or league that ruins the most sacred time of the year. The Csc gets it for playing basketball games on dec 23. Why would am one want to play basketball just two Days before Christmas because some Bonehead scheduled them that Way. The if i Only had a brain award. Everybody has a brain. Even the Csc basketball schedule person. Even the scarecrow. No award Given tiie did no to you just lose to Czechoslovakia a few Days ago award. The United states National soccer team gets this one for bouncing Back after getting bound ctr by the czechs Iii their opening world cup game. The americans battled Italy in Rome Only to lose 1-0. The whiner award. Given to the person who emits High pitched nasal moans at the slightest provocation. The nominees include Diego Maradona and his on again off again relationship with the italian Media and the club that gives him More lire than hell Ever know what to do with Napoli the Oakland athletics Dave Stewart who still can to fathom that they lost the series to the reds and Jerry Tarkanian and his fight to get univ reinstated just Long enough for Stacey. Augmon and Larry Johnson to win another title. A. A a a the whiner is. Tarkanian we should congratulate the Don Rockies imposter for doing what Illinois Kentucky and Missouri co hid not. Namely change the minds of the Mcaa. The Joe Montana a Good but most valuable player come on award. This plaque is awarded to the real map. Joe Montana shall of Fame plaque has All but been engraved and his endorsement contracts will keep the Montana family in bows for awhile this map like award goes to buffaloes Jim Kelly. Of so he gets Hurt when crunch time Rolls around. Talk about the most valuable player to his team. Kelly should be the Only name on the ballot. To appease the nation of Montana followers Joe a probably a Hoorin. Kelly is the real map v the have a prosperous new yeah award. This one goes to you have a Good one a Tia St Rind strip ,. Bills ban Buffalo . Apr the Buffalo ills threw a yellow Flag at their fans thursday Banning Beer sales for All Rich stadium playoff games to head off Anotn a goalpost wrecking outburst like the be that followed sundays game. The Bills will also beef up their Security j Stop the a a thuggery that followed the am Safe East clinching Victory Over Miami said general manager Bill Poi an. A we had the worst situation in the lands that we be Ever had since we be been Ere a Poi an said at a news conference. That situation will not be allowed to exist first of All because its dangerous. Quot second of All because. It gives Bufia a and Western new York a Black Eye it the image of the team and the 9j and nine tenths percent of the Good fans Poi an refused to say what Steps will be Aken to beef up Security. But he threat a Ned to prosecute a anybody who does not i ctr in a manner that is the Bills will Host an acc second round Layoff game on the weekend of Jan. 12-13. F they win that game they will Host the inference title game a week later. Troy Aikman was roughed up at Philadelphia but his cowboys still have a playoff shot. Irving Texas apr Dallas cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman says done to write him off just yet a his separated right shoulder feels much better a and he wants a second opinion about surgery. Aikman who was Hurt in sundays loss at Philadelphia put off a decision wednesday regarding surgery because he said the pain and swelling in the shoulder had subsided and its mobility had increased. Aikman wants to get More medical opinions and be certain there Are not other alternatives before agreeing to surgery. Coach Jimmy Johnson cancelled plans wednesday to place Aikman on injured Reserve the cowboys 7-8, would make the playoffs with a Victory sunday at Atlanta a right now there Are a lot of questions a lot of ifs a Aikman said. A but the Way. Pan fee 1 in a w it h. T h e Imp Rove m e it Ove r the last three Days if there is a slight Chance of getting Back i d like to do it a i have much better mobility than what i had on
