European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 11, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse H escorted and Light Ottle no or on n the line k f the Nick. / in the s a e five soy. Ces Dies a t of ame i the was a her in a new Pink outfit to meet Mommy. I wedged myself into the tiny bathroom with the. Changing bag diaper powder wipes a and of yes Samantha. The Roar of Jet engines magnified by the lavatory s acoustics must have been a frightening orchestration to the Little person watching papa Fumble around while trying to hold baby on a Blanket draped Over the toilet seat. A after what seemed like hours we emerged. My fellow passengers certainly wondered How i had made out i smiled like it was a piece of cake. A. Arrival at Kennedy Airport was not the end of our Odyssey. First we had to Deal with a Disney world like line at immigration once we reached the front we were directed to another room where we were delayed by a confrontation Between authorities Ltd a nigerian woman who claimed to be from new York. A a Quot you re not from new York. You Don t speak re Tram new York. Where Are you from a the officer asked the woman. A. I was holding an Antsy baby who was beginning to. Wonder when this series of buses planes and lines would end. Quot i Hope that problem with that lady in there is not. Holding up my paperwork Quot i officer said head Check. One minute later he. Returned our passports and said Samantha would get her Green card in a few weeks. Quot Mommy Nana and brother Alex were waiting in the of Airport a surprised by How Well we both had weathered be trip a reached , and was rewarded with smile. A. A. Alex age 4, approached to kiss his baby sister we reminded him that she a delicate. Ever since he a told All would listen that she s he believes babies come from the Airport after All nates where he came from and that s where his baby sister came from. \ Loving couple seeks unloving husbandry Colin Mcenroe the Hartford courant i have been away for six weeks ostensibly to Start work on a new Book but More truthfully to get to know my 1-year-old son and heir Joseph f. Mcenroe better got to know him through the rattle and Buzz of com mule and working. A. I found out what goes on in my House while i am. Away All Day real life. A it turns out i like diapering and bottle feeding and cooking and dog tending arid lying on a Blanket with my Little boy gazing up at the intersections of sky and tree. So does my wife in fact we like doing All that stuff together and neither of us is All that crazy about having a Job. So Here is what i figure we need a husband. So do a lot of people but the Good news is we re willing to Settle for a defective husband. You know All those Best Selling books intended to help women understand that they have been hurling their love at / emotionally closed off Workaholic uncommunicative husbands who Aren t even any Good in bed that s just the kind of husband we Are in the Market for. It could turn into an important National program. You have to assume that if even 10 percent of the women who bought these books saw the Light and dumped their defective husbands there Are quite a few of them wandering he american social Tundra watching big screen television in sports bars going for Long rides on weekends whatever. We Are prepared to offer one of those men a marriage a a marriage in which All of those qualities his first wife considered to be major liabilities would be transformed into whopping assets. Think about it your first wife say these the you a a a Quot you never talk about your this is Fine with us. We understand that it is hard for some men to talk about their. A feelings and anyway we done to want to know anything about yours. I have feelings my wife Quot has feelings the baby has feelings the dogs have feelings that a plenty of feelings. Keep yours bottled up they re really none of our business. A. A Quot you d rather be out at a sports event with your male friends than at no problem. You and the boys can go to As. Many games As you want. Rent an apartment next to Fenway Park for All we care. We mainly need your paycheck and health a insurance. A you re not tender in bed a needless to say. not you Are tender in bed is strictly Between you and the dogs which is who you ii to sleeping with. A you work late All the time a we want you to work late. It keeps you out of our hair plus we need the overtime for our Man expenses. So by All moans work late. For that matter cheat on us. We mean it a you May be wondering what would the few husband get out of Thesli arrangement a Well As your spouses my wife and i would pick up your dry cleaning. Plus there s the tax break you d get from All these new dependents. Also we Are the kind of family you can be proud of you could keep our picture on your desk. You could Tell visitors to your office Quot yep this is my wife this is my husband and this is their son the most important thing we have to give you however is something you be never had before in your life a relationship that makes absolutely no emotional or psychic demands on you. A. You the withdrawn Guy have had problems in the past with women who loved too much. We Promise not to love you at All. If any of us starts to feel even a Glimmer of love for you Well go for counselling. You probably won t want to come because that would involve talking about your feelings. Plus bears dolphins is on monday night football that evening. One Well go without you Well write up an executive summary for you to read at your Leisure. / i if our arrangement is successful i d. Probably write a Best seller on the new no intimate co nuptial not movement. Then we d have to go on Donahue to promote it. What do you mean you would t do that after everything i be done for you you would t go on a Lousy talk show for me what do you mean i m making demands i m your spouse for gosh sakes1 is it too much to ask that you turn off that game while i m talking to you9 nov listen. Inday february 11, 1991 the stars and stripes a a Page 15
