European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 03, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Home lonesome children handle it better than others by Lawrence m. Kutner. New York times 1. _ f or most children spending time alone at. Home is something to be proud of. It is a. Confirmation that they Are growing up and that. Their parents Trust them. Being allowed to care for yourself is an emotionally significant  step toward adulthood v a for other children,.however, time alone brings fear and. Depression. They feel abandoned by their parents not empowered by them. A a a a. A. A a. The difference appears to Stem both from the child a. Emotional readiness or the responsibility and the. Manner in which the parents treat the situation. V a a a a Quot chronological age does no to Tel you whether a child a a can handle being Eft alone neither does intelligence Quot said or. Deborah Belle an assistant professor of a a a a psychology at Boston University a a a v for four  studied 53 families with children in elementary school who cared for themselves to varying degrees after school and in the evening. A. A Many handled the responsibility Well. Quot but we had. Children who no matter How Many times they were told not to still  door Quot Belle said -. A a. Or. Quot other  motivate  do their Homework or in one Case did t eat dinner unless an adult was  7 7 --7 v  often children in the higher grades of elementary school will hint or even insist that they Are old enough to stay Home without a baby Sitter.  of them Are ready for the responsibility at least for a Short periods during the Day. A a one determinant of How Well children will handle the stress of being alone is How much say they have in the decision. 7. Forcing that responsibility on children before they say they Are ready will often trigger fears of abandonment. Quot adults Tell me that being Home alone when they weren to ready sometimes gave them lasting fears,�?T1 Lawrence said a other critical variables Are the time of Day and How often the child is left alone. A. A \ / Quot children Are often ready to stay alone during the Day several years before they re ready to stay alone at night Quot said or. Vivian Katzenstein Friedman a child clinical psychologist and an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. / Quot also there a a big difference Between being  / once in a while and being left alone As a regular child. Care  she said. Quot the child who a left alone because the parents can t afford child care can lose Confidence  ability to care for . A the Best indicator of your children s readiness to. A spen time alone at Home is How Well they handle ties and responsibilities while you Are around. Do they come Home when they Are supposed to do. They do their Homework without being prodded can they use Kitchen appliances safely do they know what to do in Case of a minor Accident or an emergency Quot Quot studies of How children handle emergencies have Quot invariably shown that they done to handle them As Well As. Their parents think they will Quot Belle said. Quot Quot just because your child can Parrot Back emergency instructions does t mean Shell remember them in a. Crisis Quot rather than simply asking Quot your children to Tell you what they would do it is a Good idea to have them act out with you in As realistic a manner As possible such things As a phone Call to 911 or what they would do if the stove caught  a help your children understand that being trusted. Enough to be left alone at Home is a special privilege not an abandonment Quot Lawrence said. A but with that. Privilege comes some constraints and rules Quot. Tips for parents if you believe that your children Are ready to spend. Time at Home alone there Are several things you can do to help them feel less frightened a Start with Small separations. _ this allows your children to build their Confidence and to avoid feeling overwhelmed Quot practice. Increasing Steps toward Independence Quot advised or John Guidubaldi a professor of school. A psychology at Kent state University in Ohio. Quot spend time in another part of the Home Orgo out. Into the Yard to get your child used to being apart from you Quot t a help your children identify the things that May frighten them. Remember that children Are much More sensitive to Creaky noises and other sounds when there is no one . Quot you can sit with your child in a quiet. A a a a House and listen for the noises that the House. A makes a said or. Vivian Katzenstein Friedman a child clinical psychologist and an associate. -. Professor of psychiatry at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. Quot that Way the child a does no to hear those noises for the first time while he a alone Quot. A allow your children to change their minds. Some children who think they will be Fine alone discover that they become frightened or bored. When you return talk to your children about their experience Quot make sure they know that i you want to hear about any problems they re having a that you done to want them just to Tell you. Everything s All right Quot said or. Deborah Belle an a. Assistant professor of psychology at Boston University who studies Latchkey children. Quot we interviewed one child who kept a baseball Bat by the door. He was afraid of people breaking into his apartment but he never said that in words Quot a avoid Power struggles Between siblings. One of the first questions children ask a if they Are Eft at Home with Brothers or Sisters is Quot who a in charge Quot Quot if the children Are far a fart in a age the older one should be in charge Quot a Friedman said Quot but if the children Are close in age it s usually better to Tel them that they re both in charge. That avoids some Battles or Power plays while you re gone new York times readers action lines Delta air lines really patriotic it we Jas american  in a. Foreign country consider it an outrage for a troubled. Ai Linato slash ticket prices to take advantage of the a a a a patriotic euphoria sweeping the United states. This was an obvious attempt during a slowing. Economic period to entice customers. A. T _. To Call this program Quot Welcome Home Quot fares is a crying Shamsol in order to take advantage of this great a a a Opportunity members must be flying somewhere in the. United states Why have a Quot Welcome  fare for _ people who Are already Home. Meanwhile members overseas Are unable to take. Advantage of this. A 70% discount for members stationed abroad would allow Many people who can t afford it to go Home. Our complaint is not with the missed Opportunity but with the name of the program. Instead of Quot Welcome a a Home Quot it should be called Quot help this airline company we Are in desperate need of your business Quot if Delta air lines is truly patriotic its program should be offered to All american servicemen tiers and their families regardless of location. A a a staff sgt. Raymond Miller a tech. Sgt. Lee Johns -. I a staff sgt. Rick Greene a senior airman Amanda Mcholland a senior airman Beverly Malone _ Raf Chicksands England a Al Robert l. Vincent marketing director Delta air lines inc., Germany replies thank you for offering Delta air lines the Opportunity to respond to your letter regarding our Welcome Home Quot. Fares. A a. \ -. A a a i was sincerely disturbed to learn that the fares had in any Way offended a member of the armed services since they were introduced As a Means of thanking the men and women who have served our country during / operation deed . In fact Della has been praised by armed forces. Officials Tor the Lead we took  these very. A a deeply discounted fares for . Military men and women and their immediate dependents i. By including their families in our program we Hope loved ones will be Able to reunite As soon As possible. We also want to. Make it possible for them both to take some Weil deserved ramp a. Year round Delta otters military leave fares to All . Military personnel based overseas. A a / 7 a /. 7 a 7,. -. In other efforts supporting the War Delta has worked with the department of defense in supplying aircraft forthe transport of personnel and supplies to the persian Gulf. At work Delta personnel showed their support of. Servicemen and  in the Gulf through the display of Flag patches pins and yellow ribbons on their uniforms _ _ _ _ a again we Are sincerely sorry if the Quot Welcome Home Quot. Fares have offended any service member. The fares with their deeply discounted prices and few restrictions. Certainly were not introduced to stimulate traffic or. _ / increase revenues. Delta saw. That we As an airline had the unique Opportunity to offer a Quot thank you Quot that would. Benefit both servicemembers7and their families a. A a a a following our Lead Many other airlines Are also offering similar special fares. A a 7. 7�. To write us. Readers action line is the readers Quot court of last resort Quot striving to answer some of the questions a. About life overseas in a military environment or a questions about policies and Quot guidelines when other avenues for answers Are not readily available if you have a question and Don t know where to turn for the answer write to readers action line Coohe stars and stripes Apo 09211-4211. All letters must be signed and preference will be Given to those seeking information of general interest to our readers. Page 16 a the stars and stripes _ wednesday april 3, 1991