European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 23, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Tuesday july 23, 1991 the stars and stripes a l Page 19 Ann Landers dear Ann Landers i recently moved into tin apartment and became Friendly with the Mother of three Young children. Her husband travels and is gone quite a bit. Every time he conies Home he accuses her of seeing other men. He has Given her several Black eyes and a swollen jaw and has pulled her hair out. There Are times when 1 hear him slamming her against the Wall that separates our apartments. In be called the police and they have been wonderful about coming. But they can do nothing because this woman keeps lying and saying she and her husband were Only having a family quarrel. She refuses to press charges. I worry Wyat effect this will have on her children. I have tried to make her understand that she does no to have to put up with such abuse but i can to get through to her. Any suggestions Ann in a afraid one of these Days he might cripple her or kill her. J. Dallas dear Dallas although this situation seems bizarre let me assure today a crossword dear Abby dear Abby a i am a Church organist and have played for Many weddings. After being underpaid paid with Knickknacks from the local gift shop or not being paid at All because the couple assumed the music a came with the Church a i decided to be More direct about my fees. Now when a couple ask me to play for their wedding i Tell them up front what the Cost will be and what it covers my travel time the wedding rehearsal providing music prior to the ceremony Etc i even ask them to please pay me at the reversal a because it has been my experience that the Best Man or the brides father or whoever had my Check often forgot to give it to me in the excitement of the wedding Day. My a a policy has helped me avoid much confusion and hard feelings. Pastors should be compensated for performing the service and they need to speak up in this regard. I know its often difficult to ask Church members or non members for Money but most folks Are relieved not to have to guess at it that might be an appropriate fee for weddings funerals Etc. As an aside i was appalled when my own pastor told my Fiance and me prior to our wedding that he had been paid anywhere from $10 to $500, and we should set our own payment. He and i were close enough friends that i could say a my dentist does no to let me decide How much i should pay him a and you  either a he got the message paid in full in Knoxville Tenn. You that its not All that unusual. Many abused women have such Low self esteem they feel they deserve to be knocked around. Others Are afraid to accept help because of what their husbands might do to them later. If you could persuade your neighbor to go to a shelter for battered women to get counselling it would be a big step in the right direction. Look in the phone Book you might also give her the phone number of the Domestic violence hotline. It is i-800-333-Safe for the hearing impaired 1-800-873-6363 dear Ann Landers i would really appreciate some suggestions from you and your readers. I am a crier. I cry at the drop of a hat. This can be very annoying because it messes up my makeup. My daughter is leaving Home and getting married in a few months. I very much want to be a Calm composed dry eyed Mother of the Bride. Any tips Niagara of Portland dear Niagara when you walk Down the aisle think about the extra bathroom the free Telephone line and no More sleeping with one Eye open until she comes Home. But Wear Waterproof Mascara a and keep a handkerchief tucked in your sleeve. C creators Syndicate dear paid in full thanks for Clearing up a great Many doubts in the minds of Many. Some pastors and Church organists Are somewhat timid about mentioning a fees a so in a printing your very helpful letter. A dear Abby i am writing to comment about the letter signed a brokenhearted Mother a who did no to want grandma who lives 1,000 Miles away to know that her favorite grandson age 19 was in jail. Abby your advice was the Best Ever. A Tell the truth and Tell it now a you said. A if you done to it will be found  i know. It happened to re. My Story is similar Only my parents live just around the Corner. A Joey a our youngest age 16 got mixed up with the wrong crowd and had to spend seven months in a detention Center. I too made up excuses for his always being a a away when grandma phoned. A Joey is in the Shower a or a Joey is in the Darkroom  i kept this up for four months. Finally my Mother said a i know where Joey is. He has been writing to us a needless to say i Felt like a fool. When Joey came Home i helped him unpack and i found a Large collection of letters a several from some of our neighbors this surprised me. Joey said he wrote to almost everybody he knew hoping they a write Back because getting mail was the Only thing he had to look Forward to a besides getting out. In be been Reading your column for years and this is the first time in be seen this problem mentioned. A brokenhearted Mother is not alone. Brokenhearted in Toronto c Universal press Syndicate across 1 neb Bishy a pal 5 Loving Follower 8 flutter 12 fragrance 13 Sharp a tack 14 italian resort 15 woman s Magazine 16texas Oklahoma Border 18 becomes enraged 20 opponent 21 Nursery schooler 22 dry As wine 23 French Painter 26 Lucille Ball for one 30 boxing great 31 Ashy Pale 32 peripatetic Nelly 33 Washington player 36 soviet Coin 38 Coal mine 39 pro s partner 40 theme 43 european songbird 47 color of embarrassment 49 brainchild 50 British Queen 51 actress Merkel 52 daytime to offering 53 soaks flax 54 Quot High a 55 House additions Down 1 sorrows 2 vain 3 Clandestine w. 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