European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 27, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Hints for talking with your children by Mary to Kochakian the Hartford courant when Boomers were babies mothers whose children were Quot Good eaters Quot were most envied. Now says new York psychologist Ron Taffel the greatest envy is of mothers who report that their children really talk to them. It makes sense that parents today seem somewhat obsessed with communicating with their children Taffel says Quot we Don t see each other that much. The number of minutes a Day we see our children has gone Down  so parents dutifully try to learn the method of communication described in child rearing manuals such As Parent effectiveness training. Based on a therapist patient Model it instructs parents to keep their emotions and opinions out of conversation with their children and instead to Quot validate Quot what children say so children feel free to express their thoughts. As described in Taffel s Book parenting by heart. Alice i wish i could be pretty just like Susan. Father you re feeling kind of bad. Alice yes. She gets a lot of attention and i Don t. Father you really would like to get More attention. Alice yes i feel really bad when in a not being noticed. Father you Don t like it when no one notices you. Alice yeah i hate it. Father you really hate not being noticed. Its a great technique to use with Young children and for children of All Ages at the outset of a crisis to let them open up. But it s not going to work with older children in everyday life Taffel says. Quot the problem is that kids catch on to it very quickly. With my 5-year-old daughter when i adopt that voice she says essentially Quot get real  Quot if you do the therapist number with a teen Ager they re going to look at you with contempt Quot Taffel says. The patient therapist Model of relating became the Parent child Model Taffel says. Quot the bad news is that readers action linear Force retains to eliminate overages it a my question concerns the fairness of the selection processes of the air Force no retraining program to members overseas. The official message 241300z july 1991, was made Public at Torrejon a Spain in the base bulletin dated aug. 2.1 did t see the bulletin until aug. 6, after its distribution. I called the referring number to classification and training and was told that my Aasc air Force specially code 45272 was not on the list. On aug. 16 the base paper published the list and to my Surprise my Aasc was on it. I placed several phone Calls to classification and training and was told the person who handles the retraining inquiries was on leave. My second inquiry dated aug 23 was t processed until sept. 3, 41 Days after the official message. My first Choice Aasc 918x0, had 15 openings on the official message but i was told that it was full. How Are the volunteers and non volunteers chosen rank experience etc.? can my inquiry be backdated due to the misinformation and time delays i be experienced i understand if i m selected to retrain it is in the Best interest of the air Force but with 13 years of electronics experience How can i be considered for an administrative position tech. Sgt. Ronald l. Hacker Torrejon a Spain a master sgt. Rich Burt chief classification and training he Safe replies the fiscal year 1992 noncommissioned of ice retraining program was implemented in july 1991 to the Model a the therapist is utterly sincere gives adequate space to a patient validates everything a patient says and is Neutral a does t work in therapy. And the secret is that its being changed in the therapy Model but it has t trickled Down to  children want parents to respond emotionally to them Taffel says. Quot in fact what the kid is waiting for is for you to say something like of my god that a the most horrible thing i be Ever heard a or a i can to stand that other kid for doing that to  need to feel that around them to feel what i Call being held. How does that compare to saying us huh Quot other advice from Taffel e instead of Quot naming Quot a child a feeling such As Quot you must be feeling angry quotas specific questions about what happened a who was there what happened what did he say this lets the child a feelings out Taffel says. But Don t ask Why he says. Most kids like most adults often can to say Why they responded the Way they did. A done to pounce. Quot kids Tell me that their parents As address air Force enlisted Manning overages created by troop reductions weapons systems changes technological advances and base closures affecting air Force personnel world wide. The goal of the no retraining program is to retrain 2,900 cos from overage to shortage air Force specialities and is three phased. The first two phases solicit volunteers in the grades of staff sergeant and technical sergeant with less than 16 years total Active Federal military service and master sergeants with less than 18 years total Active Federal military sen ice. During phase i which ended aug. 30, approximately 450 retraining requirements were filled a far Short of the air Force goal of 2,900. During phase ii sept. 1 to nov. 1consolidated base personnel offices continued to solicit voluntary retraining applications while implementing a special notification process. Personal notification of individuals vulnerable for involuntary retraining was made based on a ratio of four personal notifications for each remaining air Force retraining requirement. Phase ii has been extended until late december or january because the air Force did not meet its goal of retraining 2,900 individuals from overage specialities in phases i and ii. It will continue to seek voluntary retraining before implementing phase Iii. When phase Iii starts the air Force military personnel Center will direct the training of individuals in overage specialities who also possess a shortage secondary or tertiary air Force specially. These individuals will be returned to the shortage specially. The second step will be to establish a quota for each major command. The quota by air Force specially will be determined by multiplying the total major command eligible by the total air Force retraining requirement then subtracting the number of approved voluntary re trainees. The third step is for major commands to select Retra Mees for a rank ordered list of eligible provided by air Force military personnel Center the rank ordering will be based on 1 soon As they open up their Mouths think that this is the last time the child will Ever communicate and its the thing that makes them want to Clam  a Don t be afraid to Tell stories about yourself to get a Point across. Young children love stories that Start out Quot when i was  for preteens and teen agers though you have to preface any Story with the likes of Quot i guess this is nothing like what you re going through i  want to be a kid today but something happened to me when i was your age. You probably wont get anything out of it but ill Tell you  a let your child overhear a conversation you have with another adult. Pretending they Are out of earshot you can say for example Quot i feel so Hurt by the Way Sam talks to  children Arentt As self conscious when they re out of the Way and can take in the information More easily. A Don t lecture. Quot you have about three or four sentences to get your opinions your feelings your advice into the conversation. You be got to learn the signals of when you be lost them. Every kid has Clear  total Active Federal military service Date a Junior to senior 2 Date assigned station a longest to shortest and 3 Date of rank a Junior to senior. Those selected for involuntary retraining will be Able to submit a retraining application with a minimum of three retraining in air Force specialities. Therefore an individual with electronic experience for example May select an air Force specially which will capitalize on that experience provided it is a shortage air Force specially. Naturally the needs of the air Force will ultimately determine the specialities into which individuals May retrain. Members selected for involuntary retraining will be offered a separation option in lieu of retraining regardless of current Date of separation. Those accepting separation under this program will be authorized transition benefits. We apologize for any misunderstanding or misinformation you received. Unfortunately we Are unable to reconsider your application for retraining into air Force specially 918x0, biomedical equipment As All retraining in quotas for fiscal year 1992 have been filled. To make an exception would create an overage situation which the noncommissioned officer retraining program is designed to eliminate to write us readers action line is the readers a court of last resort striving to answer some of the questions about life overseas in a military environment or questions about policies and guidelines when other avenues for answers Are not readily available. If you have a question and Don t know where to turn for the answer write to readers action line co the stars and stripes. Apo a 09211. All letters must be signed and preference will be Given to those seeking information of general interest to our readers. A a what the kid is waiting for is for you to say something like of my god that a the most horrible thing i be Ever heard Quot a a Ron Taffel psychologist Page 16 abcs the stars and stripes wednesday november 27, 1991