European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 13, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Friday december 13, 1991 the stars and stripes a Page 19today s crossword Ann Landers dear Ann Landers id like to address the question of what constitutes a real rape. A great Many people done to think it s rape unless a woman is attacked by a person she does no to know in Broad Daylight surrounded by witnesses. She must be wearing Loose fitting Plain clothes that cover everything but her hands and feet. She can to Wear makeup or jewelry and her hair should be Short or in a tight Bun. Breaking any of these rules Means she is a asking for  one night i let a male Friend into my dorm room. He sat on my bed and i sat across the room on the sofa. After a while he begged for a Back rub and i agreed thinking i could Trust him since he was a Good Friend. Then he insisted on giving me a Back rub in return. After trying to undress me he threatened me with several heavy objects in the room when i tried to throw him out. We were both sober. He insisted that by relaxing during the Back rub i was saying that i wanted sex and he Wasny to going to leave until i admitted it. After a Long argument he took a knife out of his pocket held it to my Throat and said i could either cooperate or face the consequences. Somehow people think 1 am at fault for letting the Guy into my room. What am i supposed to do speak to males Only by Telephone after my Best Friend told me i was at least 50 percent responsible for what happened i never mentioned the incident to anyone else. I Hope you will print my letter. This could happen to anyone you know. Still fighting to survive in California dear fighting in a Sura Many people would say giving a Back rub is a a tease but even so a Guy who puts a knife to a worn dear Abby dear Abby once again you Are receiving a letter from someone who never dreamed she would be writing to you for advice. Actually i done to know if i want advice or just need to get my feelings out. In a too ashamed to talk to any friends or family i have been married for seven years to a wonderful Man and i love him dearly. He has an 8-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. The problem is 1 can to bring myself to a a love this child. I can to stand to be around her. In be always Felt this Way but it has become worse since i had my own daughter 2vi years ago. My stepdaughter ill Call her Mary is with us every other weekend and on holidays. When Mary comes to stay i get depressed because i feel i have to pretend to like her a i done to hate her and i would never Hurt her. In fact when she needs discipline i bite my lip to keep from saying anything. Mary has a Sassy Mouth and can be very rude to adults. My husband is aware of my feelings for her but he does no to know How deep they Are. I truly love my own an a Throat to get sex knows that she is not a willing participant. He could have killed you. I done to know when this Nightmare happened dear but i Hope you got counselling. Dear Ann Landers after Reading several letters in your column in Praise of alcoholics Anonymous and Al anon it occurred to me to let you know that nicotine Anonymous also exists and has changed and saved Many lives. I Hope you will feel it is As important As 1 do and help spread the word. Nicotine Anonymous is a Fellowship of men and women helping each other quit smoking and live nicotine free lives. We share our experiences and our Small victories in the Hope that we May free ourselves of this powerful addiction. The Only requirement for membership is the desire to Stop smoking. The preamble to our meetings which we adapted from the a Baa Grapevine Quot will give you a better idea of what we Are a nicotine Anonymous is not Allied with any sect political party or institution. It does not wish to engage in any controversy and we neither endorse nor oppose any causes. Our primary purpose is to offer support to those who Are trying to gain Freedom from nicotine. There Are no dues or fees for nicotine Anonymous. We Are self supporting through our own  anyone who is interested should Contact nicotine Anonymous world services 2118 Greenwich st., san Francisco Calif. 94123. Thank you so much Ann. In Smo Briety for two years in West Islip n y. Dear Friend i Hope every person who is smoking while Reading this column will say to him or herself a this message is for me a and this time in a Gohrig to listen. Good Luck to you. C creators Syndicate daughter and when my husband walks in on fridays with Mary i cringe when he leaves with her on sunday i let out a sigh of Relief. I Hope one Day things will get better but right now i can to seem to get Over my feelings. Ashamed dear ashamed congratulations a you have already identified your problem Are properly contrite and want to resolve it. We All have people in our lives we cannot a a love or even like so done to be ashamed. You need to find out Why you have such hostile feelings toward this 8-year-old child. Perhaps it has something to do with her being the daughter or your husbands former wife. You could also be reacting to Mary a negative feelings toward you. Alter All you Are the woman who replaced her Mother. And its also possible that Mary smother May have influenced her. Please consider a family therapist. Your problem May be solved once you understand Why you and your stepdaughter feel the Way you do. 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