European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 10, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Friday january 10, 1992 the stars and stripes a Page 19 Ann Landers dear Ann Landers As a Mother of sons i have always Felt a need to discuss issues from a woman a viewpoint. I have tried to Point out to my boys that men must speak up to change the abuse done to women. Your recent column about Date rape appeared during a time of Heartbreak for our family. The Young Man who wrote to you said women should be careful about giving mixed signals that heavy petting gives a Guy the wrong idea and makes it difficult for him to know what the woman really wants. He is absolutely Correct and i Hope your readers will listen to him. My son is a very sensitive caring person. We were stunned when he was awakened by the police at 6 30 a.m., read his rights put in a police car taken to the station and questioned for four hours. He had been with a girl the night before but was not guilty of Date rape. Although the police told him he would be informed within a week whether or not charges would be filed our family was forced to live in agony for two and a half months. A lot of praying was the Only thing that helped us face each Day. Because our son plays a College sport he lived in fear of seeing his picture in the paper along with the accusation. Unfortunately people in the Public Eye receive a disproportionate amount of news coverage even when there is no Legal charge merely an accusation. Once an accusation is made people done to remember later on that the charges were dropped. In my songs Case the girl did not press charges but i cannot describe the sleepless nights and the hell we went through until the matter was resolved. Because so Many men have been getting away with Date today a crossword dear Abby dear Abby i was electrified to see a name in your column that took me Back 75 years that a right a 75 years it was Wilferd a. Peterson the author of slow me Down lord. Wilferd and i were boy scouts together from 1914 to 1918 in Muskegon Mich. I went to work in a machine shop and saved enough Money to attend the Chicago Academy of Fine arts then spent 65 years behind a drawing Board in advertising agencies in Chicago and new York. My claim to Fame while in new York i was responsible for the original inception of two top notch magazines 55 years ago a woman s Day and family Circle. I am now retired and living in Arizona. And at the age of 90,1 am still swimming and walking daily. Thank you Abby for taking me on a trip Down memory Lane. W. Frederic Clark dear or. Clark my pleasure. Just keep swimming and walking daily for another 10 years and you will live to be a 100. Dear Abby about a month ago my 9-year-old daughter started making some inappropriate remarks about sex. We sat rape women a groups have correctly made this an important Issue. Unfortunately i feel it is going to produce a backlash against men. If my son could be unjustly accused it must be happening to Many other men As Well. Women have a responsibility to communicate in Clear and unmistakable language what they want and what they do not want. This is Why dating couples need to watch alcohol consumption. Liquor Breaks Down resistance and can distort or Block out memory. Too often a woman wakes up the next morning and blames the male for acting inappropriately when she failed to communicate explicitly what behaviour was appropriate and what was not. The message must be clearly understood with no doubt about the intent. I am not talking about out and out Date rape which happens far too frequently. As mothers we must accept the obligation to discuss this subject with our daughters and sons in order to prevent what happened in our family. I Hope women a groups everywhere will include this subject in their programs to educate. Both sexes need to accept responsibility for their behaviour and they must let one another know where they want the lines of intimacy drawn. Sign me any family anywhere dear anywhere thanks for writing. I have heard from a great Many mothers of daughters but very few mothers of sons have responded. If a woman sends mixed messages it is Best that the Man err on the Side of caution. Unfortunately too Many women Aren t sure themselves exactly How far they want to go and change their minds from yes to no too far Down the Road. C creators Syndicate Down and talked for a couple of hours about the Correct information. She promised she would come to me with any questions she had and not rely on other fourth graders information. In return i promised her truthful answers. Shortly after this talk i caught her masturbating. I come from the generation that says if it feels Good do it but i am very uncomfortable with her behaviour at this age. I have talked with her and told her i did no to feel it was appropriate behaviour for a 9-year-old, and i would like to see it stopped. Well it Hasni to and i done to know what else to do. I am very uncomfortable at the thought of a sexually charged 9-Vear-old walking around. In a concerned also because i Nave an 8-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old daughter who May learn this from their older sister. I will sign my name so you will know this letter is valid but please do not print it. Nameless dear nameless i do not doubt the Validity of your letter. You Are not alone. I receive Many letters expressing that concern from parents of 7-and 8-year-Olds. My advice is to simply ignore it. Do not punish or scold the child. It is not unnatural and it is certainly not a crime. 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