European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 20, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                M dear Ann Landers in be been married to a a Jedi for 11 years. He a a great Guy. The problem is his parents. 1 should have seen this coming. The signs were there when we dated for three years. It All started when we told his folks we wanted to get married and were looking for a place to live. His father told us �?odon�?Tt1 rent an apartment. You will Only be of Cather ing someone else a nest. I will buy a Condo and you can pay on the  of course the Home Wasny to in our name. I was dumb not to have smelled a rat then and there. After one year my father in Law suggested that Jed turn Over his paycheck along with All the Bills and he would give Jed a weekly allowance. Of course this Means my in Laws know every aspect of. Our lives we can to buy. Furniture or a car without taking his dad along to make sure we get a Good  in be grown very resentful. Meanwhile Jed sees nothing wrong with this setup. He thinks his father is wonderful. Ann we Are in our Early 30s and have a 10-year-old son. I done to think i should have to. Explain Why the phone Bill is so High and Why there Are so Many Miles on my car. Every time i need clothes for our son i have to go to my in Laws and ask for a Check. By the Way the checks have two names on them a my husbands and his mothers. Or today a crossword Ann Landers i have been fed up with this arrangement for quite sonic time and told my husband it has got to Stop. Well it Hasni to stopped and i done to know what to do. I need your help. Should t leave my husband and take my son i have Only a High school education and in a afraid i  Ninke it in my salary. Please guide me. In a miserable in Kentucky dear miserable your a great Guy is going to have to make a Choice a unhook from mom and dad or Call in the divorce Taw yers. The a a unhooking will mean Long term intensive counselling. For a Man in his 30s who is turning his paycheck Over to his father this will not be easy. Assuming of course that he is willing to try in order to save the marriage. If he is not agreeable you arc anti tied to financial help and child support. Dear Ann Landers a Why done to you get a hearing Aid a those seven words can Cut like a knife. It is very embarrassing to i tvs ones a a Inadequacy pointed out publicly. Also the person May not be Able to afford a hearing Aid. R a a a a better approach is to place one hand gently on the person s forearm or shoulder and say �?o1 notice you Are having a Little trouble hearing me. I will speak a Little louder and More slowly a that will surely help. Reader in Waterloo Iowa dear Loo a.  Quot a hearing deficit is not the exclusive province of ciders. Thanks for writing. Letters to Ann Landers should to addressed to her at  to 11562 Chicago 111,60611.0562.a -. A a. A _. C creators Syndicate a grandma concerned about lesbian e dear Abby my 2-year-old granddaughter is being allowed overnight visits with a Young lesbian would you or your experts allow a Beautiful Little girl overnight visits with a lesbian arc the chances of anything happening to her any greater than if she were allowed overnight visitation with a straight person who was fond of her my granddaughter has already been through a lot of unknowns in her Young life and needs All the Protection she can be Given. 1 know her custodial Parent would never knowingly allow her to be in jeopardy so please Tell us if it is necessary to protect this precious child. Are there signs that would Alert us to protect our children and is there any dialogue we can use with a child so Young to gain insight if anything is happening to her no name no City please if you print this. Sign me vigilant grandmother dear grandmother your granddaughter is in no greater danger with a lesbian Sitter than she would be with a heterosexual baby Sitter. Homosexuality sexual attraction for one of quibble dear Abby the same sex and paedophilia a sexual perversion in which children Are the preferred sexual object arc not synonymous a study conducted at children a Hospital in Denver Between july 1, 1991, and june 30, 1992, found that of 352 cases of suspected child molestation Only two molesters were Gay or lesbian. In the study 82 percent of both boys and girls identified their molesters As the heterosexual partner of a relative of the child. Signs of sexual abuse include anti social attitude exaggerated interest in sex or a acting out sex with other children unusually seductive behaviour fear of intimate Contact refusal to undress for physical education or sports irritation of the genitals nightmares regressive behaviour such As acting childishly crying excessively and withdrawing into a world of fantasy. One sign May not be a positive indication. However if a number of signs arc present it is Wise to consider the possibility of abuse. A a a a a. V. A a a a a a Quot a a Quot the Best defense against child abuse is teaching children that if anyone it stranger or family member a touches them in a a private place they should Tell a Parent or another trusted adult. And children should be assured that if they have been molested the shame and blame belong to the adult not the child. Letters Tor this column should to addressed to dear Abby a . To 447,mount Morris Iii. 61054. 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