European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 6, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 24 the stars and stripes wednesday july 6,1994 so s no today s crossword dear Ann Landers a j i read the letter in your column about a Man who bad had a falling out with his brother Over their father s estate. The Man was especially grateful they had reconciled because his brother died in an Accident not Long after. 1 wonder How Many family fights happen because the dearly departed failed to exc cute a will and leave specific instructions about bequests. Please Tell your readers never to Trust someone else to carry out their wishes without specifying those wishes in Black and White. Money does strange things to people Ann. Those who Are normally generous and trustworthy can be quite different when Dollar signs appear. Tell your readers that even if the estate is Small ther amp of should ,. Be a will to specify no gets what right Down to that ugly old clock that i oks like the Empire state building. One of the Best methods for disposing of items fairly is to have each beneficiary draw a number out of a bowl. No. 1 gets to select the first item then no. 2, and so on. That Way each person gets at least one item of value an they can then Swap and bargain afterwards with no hard feelings. The Mother of a Friend of mine used this system. My Friend told me How flattered her daughter in Law was to be included in grandma s numbers a even though she was no. 6 a and How much fun the family had discussing their memories of grandma while they chose the items that meant the most to them. People should leave their heirs with the Best legacy of All a Good feelings about one another. Been there in Chicago Ann Landers dear Abby. In a writing in response to the letter signed a still  the writer cannot believe that anyone would expect a grieving person to acknowledge Floral tributes memorials Etc. My husband and i also buried two children one was 18, the other 20. They died two months apart of unrelated causes. A a a a. Abby you Are so right when you say t hat such a double blow is More than the human spirit should be expected to endure. However i found that writing those excruciatingly painful acknowledgements was therapeutic. I wrote notes to everyone telling them How i Felt. I cried with each note thus ventilating my grief. Those who received my notes were very appreciative and understanding. It has been almost 20 years since Pur children died and dear Abby quibble Foo a too suppose \ to at u Espe Ever Golic. To get a v health Cape pc0oot not 0nt1l eve Gay member of of amp fat was Al Chance to 3u&mit their Olski 2�,paftate  Ivyl ii in Jwj Ance even though i was not. Gain weight 1 did no to think m dear Chicago your letter is one that should be read carefully by All who Are interested in making sure their worldly goods go where they want them to go and not be the cause for family  Ann Landers this is for a not . In minn.,&Quot the 35-year-old, slightly overweight woman who is often asked if she is pregnant. A _ a a several years ago i too had a a a pregnant appear a Quot since i had a tendency to _ much about it. As time went on my a a pregnant look became More pronounced. My doctor close friends and family thought nothing of it. We just assumed that this was a the Way i was Quot finally i decided to pursue the matter. It took All my courage to bring it to my doctors attention. One afternoon in tears i refused to leave his office insisting that he examine me further. He did and then quickly called air a specialist. My a overweight Quot appearance turned out to be a 13-Pound ovarian cyst. Any woman who believes her appearance is unusual should pursue the matter with her physician. Bethlehem Conn. Dear Beth apparently your experience was not unique. I received a surprising number of letters from women who went through the same thing. For More information on ovarian cancer readers can Contact the american cancer society at 1-800-acs-2345, the Gilda Radnor familial ovarian cancer registry at 1-800-ovarian, or the cancer information service at 1-800-4-cancer. If the lines Are Busy please Call Back. 1 letters to Ann Landers should to addressed to her at . Box 11562, Chicago iii60611-0562. A v. A. A. C creators Syndicate. A a. A notes eases grief like a still grieving a we too Are a and always will be a grieving to some extent but we have to go on with our lives and learn to live with our loss. We  have existed permanently with such searing pain. It has taken Many years and we have built new lives which certainly include the memories of our deceased children. A still grieving need not give up one Iota of the essence of her children. She can have them with her in All their Beauty and sweetness forever. And the More she is Able to live her life rather than simply exist in it the More she will be Able to exemplify what her children would want. Her life can be a tribute to them. Still grieving in Michigan dear still grieving Only those who have experienced the tragedy of having lost a child will appreciate the depth of such indescribable pain. But thank god it does become More tolerable with each passing Day. Letters for this column should be addressed to dear Abby at . Box 447, mount Morris la 61054 a c Universal press Syndicate across 1 newspaper stat. 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