European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 9, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                On the family v a a or. Is a a traditional families sign of depression in 1992 there were 1.3 million divorces among people age 25 to 29 in 1962, there were 253,000. Starter7 marriage he gets the credit card Debi she gets theby Deborah Schupack the new York times in Barnard married when he was 25, fresh out of graduate school. His wife was a 21year-old College student. Quot at that age Quot retailed Barnard now 36, Quot i did t comprehend what it took to stay in a Long lasting relationship. It seemed that if you re in a serious relationship and you re committed to another person the next logical step is to get  four years later they were divorced. He got the credit card debt and she got the Washer and dryer. Barnard s marriage was typical of the Many Brief Early marriages that end in divorce by age 30, with no children and Little More joint property than wedding gifts and a stereo. While couples in these marriages do not wed with the intention of divorcing their temporary stay in marriage is much like the starter Home of a generation ago shed As the family outgrew it. Quot the idea of a starter marriage is a fascinating one Quot said or. Constance Ahrons professor of sociology at the University of Southern California in los Angeles and associate director of its marriage and family therapy doctoral program Quot these marriages Are very common but they Are not Given much credibility. One must file divorce papers but it does t carry with it any societal concerns which Are really concerns about children or amassed property. Society says Well who cares Quot marriage and family experts a psychologists sociologists lawyers and clergy a Are beginning to look at these Brief Young unions seeing in their implications a barometer of society s attitudes about marriage and divorce. Some say starter marriages signal the need for More premarital counselling. Others have begun to rethink the whole notion of Early pre children marriages suggesting that it May be time to Lessen the Legal and social burdens of divorce for couples at this stage. No statistics Are kept on such marriages but according to the census Bureau in 1992 there were 1.3 million divorces among people age 25 to 29, up from 253,000 in 1962 a a fivefold increase a while the population for that age group did not even double in that time period. From 1970 to 1990, Overall divorce rates Rose 34 percent a from 3.5 divorces per 1,000 people to 4.7 divorces per 1,000 a while the marriage rate fell 7.5 percent according to the National Center for health statistics. A psychotherapists say Brief Early marriages have been around As Long As divorce has although they Are often overlooked in studies. Quot there May be no children no property and the marriage does t make headlines Quot said or. Ahrons whose Book the Good divorce  is due out in september. Quot but people still enter marriage with expectations with dreams with fantasies of the House we re going to buy the children we re going to have. It s those dreams of the future that get  Ann Patchett a writer who divorced at age 25 after a yearlong marriage said Quot people think these Are disposable marriages that you just Waltz out. Of my god who Waltzes out of a marriage my husband held on to my ankle and threatened suicide. But Are you just going to stay and pay and pay and. Pay a there is debate about How much people should pay in Brief marriages without children Margaret Mead recommended in the 1960s that such unions be codified As Quot trial  believing that it is the presence of children that should Render a marriage lifelong she described an alternative relationship that would last for a finite period whereupon the couple would decide whether to have children and enter what she viewed As the More permanent stage of Matrimony a or not. Quot that s what we have in a de Facto sense Quot said Erica Jong who fictionalized her own starter marriage in her 1973 novel fear of flying Quot Why not acknowledge that Many people do have trial marriages in their 20s, which sometimes grow into deeper commitments and sometimes Don to i think it would be a great Relief for Many  q read recently in a Magazine that the a traditional family a a husband wage earner stay at Home wife and two children a accounts for less than 10 percent of All households in the United states. Is this statistic accurate notice the narrow definition of what constitutes a traditional family. Consider the family that has a stay at Home Mother a go to the office father and Only one child a or three children. Arentt they traditional of what about the couple that has been married Only one year but the woman is pregnant and staying at Home done to they count what about the childless Young couple that plans. For the wife to work for two years then stay Home and raise children should they be listed As non traditional i believe that Magazine fell into a carefully conceived trap by those a a who would like to convince us that the traditional family is dead. Assailants of a traditional perspective regularly Issue spurious statistics to demonstrate that homemaking is a thing of the past and that committed husbands and wives have Given Way to a nation of single parents. The traditional family has not passed from the scene a nor is it on its deathbed. According to the . Department of labor a percent of ail married mothers with preschool children Are full time homemakers. Another 20 percent work Only part time some As few As 10 hours per week in their own Homes. That Means 61 percent of All mothers who Are married with preschool children Are occupied primarily in the raising of children. Frankly in a weary of the attempts by certain members of Congress and others who continually try to make homemakers feel like weird  1915. The facts simply will not support this assertion. I when women get depressed what specific complaint or irritant is most commonly related to the condition i have asked that question of More than 10,000 women who were Given an Opportunity to fill out a questionnaire entitled sources of depression in women. At the top of the list was the problem of Low self esteem. More than 50 percent of an initial test group marked this item above every other alternative on the list and 80 percent placed it in the top five. This finding is perfectly consistent with my own observations and expectations even in seemingly healthy and happily married Young women self doubt cuts the deepest and leaves the most wicked scars. This same old Nemesis is usually revealed within the first five minutes of a counselling session feelings of Inadequacy and Lack of Confidence have become a Way of life for millions of women. Or James c. Dobson is president of focus on the family an organization dedicated to preserving the Home. Correspondence should to sent to him at focus on the family . Box 444. Colorado Springs Coio. 80903, a saturday july 9, 1994 the stars and stripes 15