European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 16, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Friday september 16, 1994 the stars and stripes Page 23 today a crossword dear Ann lancers it i feel compelled to write in response to the letter from the couple who Cai Inot get their elderly Mother to move out of their House she had moved in when the couple was caring for her sick husband and after he died she simply stayed on my Grandfather died in 1963, when i was 11. Demonstrating a total inability to care for herself grandma came to live with us at the time she was 63. From the Day she moved in our family life was changed forever. For the rest of her life until her death at 82, grandma played the role of the pathetic helpless widow. She destroyed every vestige of Joy in our Home. Heir depression and grief put bursts fake heart attacks suicide threats and total helplessness were More than we could stand. She created constant tension among All of us. Within four years my parents were did. A. A forced. A a a. I used to believe that grandma was weak and helpless and i Felt sorry for her but thanks to therapy i Learned that she was the most powerful person i had Ann Landers Ever known. We were All sucked in and manipulated by this Clever woman. I discovered that this sort of behaviour is called by making others feel guilty and sorry for her she did not have to take responsibility for anything she said or did. I cannot describe the pain and agony this woman put our family through. My advice to the couple who wrote to you is this get a pm oms out of your House and Stop catering to her helplessness. Now. If you allow her to stay she will Poison the entire family. A Oli j3er and Wiser in Texas dear o. And a one of the most rewarding aspects of this column is How much my readers learn a not from me but front one another your letter is a perfect example. Thank you for writing. Dear readers. The american legion now offers a service to help locate veterans. For information Contact finders Seck ers at 1-800-449-vets, or write to vets . Box 411007, St. Louis to. 63141. Vets charges $15 to do a search but the Money will be refunded if there is no information available. Letters to Ann Landers should to addressed to her at . Box 11562, Chicago Iii. 60611-0562. C creators Syndicate churches Are hospitals not museums dear Abby dear Abby in reference to your response to a falling from Grace whose husband had an affair with a Betty a which produced a child a a falling and her husband have three children and it was agreed that he would have nothing to do with the. Child he fathered with Betty. A now a a falling is upset because Betty a a flaunts her child to everyone at the Church they All attend. What is Betty supposed to do a hide her child in a closet a a falling even said she wishes Betty had aborted her child Abby you were right to Tell a a falling to take her three children to a different Church. However you failed to remind her that even though she had three children her husband had four a each of whom deserves to be treated with equal consideration. How dare a a falling demand that her husband have nothing to do with his own flesh and blood and shame on you Abby for not correcting her when she suggested that Betty Stop attending Church altogether Lynn m. Roden Tacoma Wash. Dear Lynn \. You Are right double shame on me for neglecting to remind a a falling that a Church is not a museum for saints its a Hospital for Abby in spite of the fact that my husband i la Call him quibble oui6bijey, i have a Mission for Voo. Of w0ah? Vrtar do Vou Ulah me to do get Fly Nav Earl has had firsthand experience with the havoc caused by the death of a family member who died without leaving a will he has done nothing about making one for himself. He also refuses to discuss funeral arrangements. Earl is 617 we have been married for 33 years and such matters have always been put on the Back Burner. Nothing that our three grown children or t say seems to matter. When i ask him what i m supposed to do with his body if he precedes me in death he shrugs his shoulders and says a a plastic bag off the Santa Monica pier would be of with Early a attitude is hot uncommon so on behalf of me and Many others will you please explain the position i would be in if Earl should die first leaving no will he thinks that because California is a Community property state and our $140,000 Home our Only asset is in both our names it would simply be mine. I contend that i could not afford the Legal hassle especially if our children decided they wanted part of it and i might ultimately lose the House. Maybe seeing this in Black and White will Jolt Earl into reality. Earl s wife dear wife the person who is in the Best position to Jolt your husband into reality is your attorney. If you Don t have one Contact a probate attorney. If Earl ref discs to go a go without him. V All married people should know where they stand should their spouse precede them in death. Letters Lor this column should be addressed to dear Abby at . Box 447, mount Morris Iii. 61054 a c Universal press Syndicate across 1 French Nobleman 4 silents. Vamp 37 frat party a Ian 40 churlish. Sort 41 frenzied 0 halloween 42 a fall the Purchase 12 equal prefix 13 had Bills 14 actress columnist Chase 15 a Munfor presidents men Quot coauthor 46 Burts sex 47 suspend 48 debtors. Letters 49 firewood Given star/50 director general 17 Check Wingate 18 Drudgery 51 the Buck 18 thick stops Here Sweet Down. Liqueur 11t leaves 20 act fraction a Good 22 Locombo Passos trilogy 3 Beauty tying 4 Alamo casualty 5 a Psi quarry6 old Olds 7 keep talking 8 wicked. 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