European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 14, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Friday october 14, 1994 the stars and stripes Page 25 m a a it v $ v r fit �>3 a i Vij my a thanks Ann for helping me survive today a crossword dear Ann Landers in be wanted to write this letter for so Many years that it May be hard to believe in a Only 25. I first started Reading your column when i was a kid delivering newspapers in the Early morning hours. You might say this is a thank you letter. My family was a Little crazy. My father drank too much my Mother got sick too often and i got hit a lot for things that weren to my fault. I took Refuge in your column. The idea that problems could be solved and issues could be discussed was a revelation. I used to half jokingly credit you with my upbringing. Now Ann Landers i ii that i have made peace with my Mother and father i want to express my deeply Felt gratitude for your advice and support. And thanks too for All your hard work. Here a to Many More years ., Chicago dear  Those kind words brightened my Day. Write again a anytime. Dear Ann Landers i need your opinion on a family problem that involves my wife a desire to invite her former Lover and his wife to spend a week in our Home which is located in a Beach Community. My position is a no  a a Judith and i Are in our late 50s, and we have a Loving relationship. This is a second marriage for us both. Before i met Judith she had a torrid affair with a family Friend. Ill Call him a Howard a it lasted five years a until his wife found out. She did not divorce him. They went for counselling and patched it up. I married Judith four years later and we have had a very Good marriage both remaining totally faithful. Howard and Judith have maintained their Friendship Over the years and there has been no Hanky Panky. Howard a wife is fond of Judith and does not feel threatened by her. I like Howard and am comfortable in his presence. Now Howard and his wife Are coming to spend a week in our Little town. Judith wants to invite them to stay with us. I say a no  although Tam a professional Man and my work involves solving human conflicts i cannot handle the Prospect of having my wife a former Lover As an overnight guest in our Home. My wife said i should Rise above it. When i asked How she would feel if the roles were switched she repeated a no  i said  please apply your conflict Resolution Powers. I have no objection to taking this couple to dinner but i do not want them As House guests. Am i being a Square and unreasonable reluctant Host dear Host i cast my vote with you. If having Howard and his wire As overnight guests makes you uncomfortable Judith should respect your wishes. Dinner yes. Sleep Over no. A a a a a a a a. Quot a Ltd a. Letters to Ann Landers should to addressed to her at . Box 1.1562, Chicago. Iii. 60611-0562. A. A a a a a a a c creators Syndicate. Widow denied Healing Opportunity dear Abby the letter signed a lost and lonely a from the widow whose children cleaned out All her deceased husbands belongings a for her a brought tears to my eyes. And your answer really surprised me. You said the daughters spared her a a painfully heartbreaking task a wrong they denied her the Chance to heal sorting his belongings gives her a last Chance to review old memories a or catch a whiff of his Cologne on a suit coat and choose who would most appreciate something which was his. With his passing All his things belonged to her a and if she  handle the sorting out she could have a a. A a Quot asked for help. Then the kid would have been doing a Good deed. As it is i think they overstepped their Bounds. Grief is bad enough but grief emptiness and boredom compound the loss. The a a kids deserve a Boot to the rear. And you for shame. Linda skipper dear Linda in my defense that letter and my reply a a Vaca dear Abby Tion rerun a was written in the 1970s. 1 am 20 years Wiser now. Give me a break. You were not the Only Reader who resented the daughters behaviour a and my answer. Read on dear Abby in a writing about that widow whose children a a helped by disposing of All her husband belongings without her knowledge or consent. Grief Counselor caution against prematurely discarding keepsakes or familiar objects used by the deceased. Disposing of then is painful but it is an important part of the separation and grieving  certainly these children meant Well it is risky however to assume that we know what is a a bests for others. In addition to losing her husband this widow was denied the Opportunity to distribute her husbands belongings in Ner own time and in her own Way. Lets Hope that the children who were so eager to help their Mother will now show an equal attentiveness in the months ahead a mom will need their emotional a support. / a a a a a a a a a a a a. E.g., Palm Harbor Fla. Letters for this column should be addressed to dear Abby at . Box 447, mount Morris lit. 61054. C Universal press Syndicate across 1 Small Quantity 4 morose a 5 afflictions 12 ostriches Kin 13 Soprano. Ponselle 14 academic 15 Quot a utile 35 indolent 36 step a Between a blather and Quot repeat Quot 37 alphabetized list maybe 40 Large knife 41 Check bitty tear 42 flourishes Singer 17 lawyers aide for Short 18 assessment 18 Sweet tooth sati Slier 20 packs away 22 Jester 24 Cornfield commen Teuy 25 subject to to society 2 a Darya Aslan River 3 mole . 4 Southern Side dish 5 lyricist s subject a 8 put to work 7 More in Madrid 8 african Antelope 9 Bank trans. Action 10 Quot Hawaii. 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