European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 05, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Saturday november 5, 1994 the stars and stripes Page 21 20 years late but she s finally Happy today s crossword Ann Landers dear Ann Landers several months ago you asked your readers to let you know if they took your advice and How things turned out. I m a bit late but Here is my Story in 1970 r wrote to you and poured out my heart about my sexually abusive marriage. My husband was and still is according to his pre sent wife addicted to bondage and other Kinky stuff. I stayed with him because i thought had no Choice. My parents said you made your bed now lie  my religion forbade divorce and Back then i did t dare go against it. In response to my letter of1970, you asked your famous question would you be better off with him or without him i had five children under 7 years of age no Job and no skills. I decided i would be better off with him resigned myself to putting up with the abuse and prayed that he would Deyoung. V a a five years ago i finally left him. I have gone through intensive therapy and am Well on the Road to Healing. I Hope i never see or have to talk to him again. I a aware that i still Harbor a lot of hatred in my heart but i m working on getting rid of it. I have never been Hap pier. Each Day when i Wake up i m filled with gratitude that i Don t have to hear his voice. If you had asked would you be happier instead of would you be better off with him or without him i would Nave answered immediately without him and i might have made a different Choice. I certainly would not have waited 20 years to remake my life. Please consider changing the wording of your age old question.  Dea Canton i feel terrible that just because i used the words "1 Ter off instead of happier you stayed in a Lousy marriage for 20 years. In the future i will pay More Atten Tion to semantics. I am glad however that you Are happier now or should i say better off dear Ann Landers now that summer is Over i would like to use your column to address a problem that will be familiar to som of your readers. Every summer it seems we Are the responsible neigh Bors who Are asked to watch the House and collect the mail while Pur neighbors go on vacation. There Are two families in our Block who Are gone the entire summer. Consequently their Home responsibilities become ours. Because our children have summer jobs these neighbors know we will be at Home except for a very Short vacation. So we Are always asked to take care of their Homes. In August i was watching four Homes simultaneously and it was a big responsibility. I want to be a Good neighbor but i am starting to feel taken advantage of. What can i say when they know i will be Home with out sounding mean spirited or selfish 1 doubt that these people know How much time Vit takes to rim Aronov collecting mail and newspapers watering plants Etc. These neighbors Are All old friends and Ido not want to alienate them. I Hope they will read this column and recognize themselves. No name and no City dear n a. And . Don t count of people recognizing  too often they Don  s the matter with saying sorry no. We May be Goin Iway ourselves ? the word May saves you from lying utters to Ann Landers should to addressed to her at . Box 11562. Chi Cago Iii. 60611-0562. C   fed a love not measured by gifts. Dear Abby i am a first time writer but a longtime Reader. With the holidays fast approaching i m hoping you  me with a Little of your advice. My children s grandmother is a member of a religious Sec that does not celebrate birth Days or holidays. My children who Are 5 and 7. Years old no Tice that one grandmother gives Christmas gifts but the other does not. We have always Given both grandmothers gifts a christmastime the children love to watch their grandmothers open the presents they have made. How do i explain that the grandmother who gives no gifts loves them just As much As their other grandmother my children Are not greedy but you know How children Are. Wants to keep the peace dear Abby dear wants no explanation is better than the truth. Simply Tel your children that because of grandma s religion she does hot Exchange Christmas gifts but it does t mean she loves them less. Eventually they will understand. Dear Abby " one Small favor. Please pass this along to your read ers if your children cannot answer the Telephone prop Erly please do not allow them to answer the Telephone at All. There Are few things More annoying than making Call and having a child answer hello. Who is this or worse yet what do you want if you want your child to ask who is calling there Are More polite ways to ask other than who is this the frustration is then compounded by the child screaming out the name of the caller directly into the Telephone r v had it in Wenatchee letters for this column should be addressed to dear Abby at . Box 447,, Iii. 61054. 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