European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 27, 2007, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Tuesday March 272007 stars an d stripes i i i o Page 15 opinion purity balls can help girls with culture Shock Kathleen Parker those darned patriarchal christians Are at it again with purity balls Back in the news dress up affairs during which fathers and daughters profess their allegiance to sexual purity evangelicals once again have become americas favorite whipping boys Are these Guys weird or what Well yes a Little but then again not really purity balls Are an inevitable offspring of a permissive culture that at times seems More predatory than Liberat ing the dads and daughters who Date dance and Exchange purity oaths Are merely a reactionary response every extreme invites another now in their seventh year purity balls were the brainchild of pastor Randy Wilson and his wife Lisa who run the generations of Light ministry in Colorado Springs in a Glamour Magazine interview last month Lisa said they wanted to set a Standard of dignity and Honor for the Way the girls should be treated by the men in their lives a video of their recent Ball at the Broad Moor hotel in Colorado Springs confirms feminists deepest suspicions one segment features a Parade of ballerinas in Long White tutus toting a Large wooden Crucifix into the Center of the ballroom around which they Lissade jete and Pas de Bourree to music that is a hybrid hallelujah Dirge next in the kind of Blunt symbolism that leaves the dirty minded breathless fathers and daughters Parade beneath an Arch created by two men holding very Long swords the dip to drop White roses at the foot of me Crucifix is it hot in Here or is it just me Odd As purity balls seem to some people they Are not far removed from Debutante balls still popu Lar in Many parts of the country Akey differ ence of course is that after the debutantes promenade in their practice bridal gowns they go get sloshed and crash with their dates everybody knows its a charade but its a charade in the service of tradition and civilization ultimately charming Debutante balls Are benign curtsied to the veneers of modesty and discretion that help humans distinguish themselves from their pets most fathers generally Hope that their daughters will postpone sex until adulthood if not marriage they May know that an unlikely proposition especially once then daughters hit College where virginity is considered a sign of abnormality but sane parents prefer that their daughters and sons not waste themselves on random hookups where sexually transmitted diseases Are More Likely to be exchanged than last names critics of the purity balls marshal the usual feminist arguments the fathers they say Are trying to keep women in their subordinate place reiterating the oppressive Patri Archal Structure of Christian Homes and the broader society they seek to control this position is always offered As though women have no Choice in whom they marry or what religion they practice fundamentalists of All stripes Are too liter Al for my Book club but even the most extreme Christian is still subject to american Laws prohibiting Sla very indentured servitude assault and Bat Tery rape stoning female genital mutilation and whatever other horrors patriarchal Para nonacs imagine happen when fathers act As Heads of households Taliban acs Are not us nevertheless a women studies professor writing for Usa today expressed her concern that such pampering comes at the Price of the daughters sexual self Agency she also asserted that the underlying premise of the balls is the age old Assumption that sex is dirty hence the infant utilizing conflation of purity or sexual innocence and ignorance nowhere have i heard or read that these Christian men think sex is dirty but they might think its dangerous and statistics support their concerns nowhere have i heard or read that these Christian men think sex is duty but they might think its dangerous and statistics on std and emotional dysfunction among teenage girls support their concerns in a culture where 467 percent of Stu dents will be sexually Active before High school ends there Are also 5 Mil lion to 6 million new cases each year of human Pap Illo tavirus which is associated with cervical cancer what fathers worry critics of abstinence Only attitudes and education inevitably cite a study that found that kids who take virginity oaths Are at greater risk for std than Are those who have been exposed to sexed apparently members of the virginity crowd some times trip on the Light Fandango and sur prised by passion Are unprepared other studies however show that deep father involvement in a girls life increases her self esteem and delays sexual experimentation All things considered purity balls Are probably less a threat to women sexual self Agency than the culture that has spawned them Kathleen Parker is a member of Washington Post writers group traditional marriage More a tradition of change by Stephanie Coontz divorce for men As Well As for women but in two Hundred years ago the generation that suit involving a heterosexual Connecticut w or Jesus definition of family when americans say that his tory notes historian Alan Daw Ley they usually mean that you can forget about it unless of course they want to justify some thing by claiming that history proves that its always been this Way such is the Case of those who rely on the lessons of history to oppose same sex marriage claims of historical fact about marriage can be proved True or false and three of the historical claims made by opponents of same sex marriage in connect Cut Are demonstrably untrue first is the claim that the definition of marriage As the Union of one Man and one woman goes Back thousands of years second is the claim that the Jude Christian heritage always has seen marriage As a sacred relationship that must be defended above All others third is the claim that marriage has endured for thou Sands of years without change the most commonly approved form of marriage in the past and the one mentioned most often in the first five books of the old testament was polygamy one Man Many women some societies also countenanced polyandry one woman married to several men in China and parts of Sudan when two families wished to make an Alli Ance but didst have an eligible daughter or son still alive marriages were often arranged Between one child and the ghost of another and at least one society the a of China existed for thousands of years with out marriage the Jude Christian tradition does not speak with one voice on marriage polygamy divorce and concubines ate All part of the old testament tradition broke with older religious traditions in prohibiting divorce for men As Well As for women but in doing so he also challenged the traditional right of a Man to take a second wife if the first wife was sterile Ever since the Validity of a marriage in the Western tradition has not been dependent on ability to procreate and despite Jesus rejection of divorce christianity did not Sanctify marriage it want made a sacrament until 1215 in fact he urged his followers to remain unmarried or leave the families to go off and spread the Christian word his definition of family was based not on biological was based not on biological or Legal ties but on the Community of believers Legal ties but on the Community of believers when he was dying on the Cross he did not ask a disciple to help his Mother instead he called a disciple Forward and said to his Mother dear woman Here is your son and to the disciple he said Here is your Mother the claim that marriage existed unchanged for thousands of years is also false two Hundred years ago the generation that produced the  and the Ameri can revolution overturned thousands of years of tradition by insisting that the older generation allow Young people to choose Menown mates on the basis of love rather than to further their parents economic and political ambitions even More Radical and recent has been the innovation of giving wives and husbands equal rights in marriage until the late 19th Century a husband legally owned All his wife property and earnings and could do with them what he pleased he had the right to physically Correct her when courts began to treat wives As separate Legal entities with their own individual rights defend ers of traditional marriage predicted that such a Radical social change would destroy Domestic Tranquillity and subvert the order of society whether one is for or against legalizing same sex marriage we must understand that it is heterosexual couples who have been tampering with marriage for the past 200 years heterosexuals repealed the old Laws mandating wives subordination to Hus bands and prohibiting divorce it was a Law suit involving a heterosexual Connecticut couple that led the supreme court to Over turn Laws forbidding the Sale of contraceptives thus giving married people the right to decide not to have children heterosexuals also pioneered assisted re production allowing couples who cannot have children to become parents anyway and it was heterosexuals who repealed the Legal definition of marriage As the Union of a husband who must play one role in the Home and a wife who must play a different one Only in the 1980s did courts redefine marriage As a Union of two people with reciprocal not complementary duties once marriage came to be seen As an institution bringing together two individuals based on Mutual affection and Equality with out regard to rigidly defined gender roles or the ability to procreate its not surprising that Gays and lesbians said that now de scribes our relationships too so Why cant we marry if you dont like these changes in the institution blame your grandparents not the Gay and lesbian couples seeking entry into this new Model of marriage Stephanie Countz teaches history at the Evergreen state College in Olympia Wash this column first appeared in the Hartford Conn courant prickly City by Scott Stantis let