European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 04, 1980, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 20 the stars and stripes wednesday june 4. 1980 Modem living i Marilyn k. Yee Phyllis Chester i think now that softness is appropriate to  it feminist doing As a Mother by Lidia Wasowicz United press International t the age of 37. Phyllis Chester a hard line feminist who spent years in the thick of the haute for women s rights made the most Cou . You decision of my life to have a baby. The Best Selling author and psychologist in my Diall Drew ire from her fellow feminists who regarded her pregnancy us a  it was a very isolated frightening Lime for me Chester said in an interview. My friends nought i had gone mad that some How i had descried the cause. Bui 1 had reached a Point where it became Clear to me that my work Art writing was not enough. The unique intimacy and transcendence offered in the birth of a child was something i did t want to deny  when her son Ariel was born two years ago Chusler admitted i Felt like an impostor. Do i look like a Mother i wondered. Whais a feminist doing As a Mother i  a year she stopped visiting her feminist friends in new York City where she lives and they stopped coming Over. I was demoted. They had warned me it would be the end of my career that i d regret it that i d become  she recalled. Ironically. I Don t think i could have become a Mother if i did t learn courage from feminism. I was filled with fear about such things As what i would do when i was alone with the  snubbed by her former colleagues she began to seek companionship with other new mothers. Sitting on Park benches with them. I realized How afraid women arc of speaking to each other. One Young to incr Lold me. After i gave birth i could Only talk to other mothers. But i was afraid to Tell them the real truth. So i could t Trust what they said either " Chester an energetic woman with dark curly hair and expressive Brown eyes began to Campaign for the rights of mothers. The birth of my baby transformed me forever said Chesler author of the books women and madness so built men and women. Money and Power. Whereas before my interest was in abortion now in s the cause of motherhood. I am still a feminist but i the conic away with a great respect for  among reforms she advocates in lectures and her Lal esl Book. With child a diary of motherhood which gives a sensitive and forthright account of her pregnancy childbirth and subsequent Motherly duties arc the abandonment of Mother s Day and establishment of Cen ters for children and new parents. There should be no More of this once a year honouring your Mother with a hallmark card. She should be re Vered each Day she says. Marriage to Dale is inc Best arrangement we have for child care says Chester adding that her husband shares in baby related chores. Bui Here should be More emphasis on extended fam Ilies. More and More women Over 30 and with careers Are choosing to have children. They arc confronted with guilt if they re not Able to be around the child All the time. We should establish reliable child care centers where the mothers won t feel guilty and the child has other Young sters  she also advocates Newborn parcels censers where the proud couples come to be  it s funny How a woman before giving birth is pampered. But afterwards when she has the hardest work to do no one sings her praises. She is left alone with he baby and a growing sense of  Chester who says the late anthropologist and her close Friend Margaret Mead initiated me into motherhood returned to work a week Afler her son was born. I looked at those who stayed Home and were drown ing in housework and baby work and at the same time losing Confidence they once Hud about their  although she buys her son non sex isl books and would be heartbroken if he turned out not to be like me Al All Chester admits she realizes inc value of certain traditions of motherhood. My son for example Calls me Momic Insl cad of Phyllis and i must admit i love it. The experience of motherhood hampers certain philosophical beliefs. Inputs one More in touch Wilh practical reality and gives one a sense of softness she says. I think now that softness is appropriate to  by Ermo Bombac Kat wits end isaid goodbye loan old foe  was a size 8 Pale Blue crepe dinner dress that Clung so Light in revealed cell utile under you  we first Mcl four years ago it was resting easily on a Mannikin. I had never seen such a heavenly Shade of Blue in my entire life. When the Saleswoman led the Way to inc Tilting room i said there s no need to try it on. In won t i now. But i m going to diet into  she had the same look on her face As my husband when i told him i used his last razor lady to take chewing gum off the floor but i cleaned in off Good. For the first three months Bat dress was like spiritual Leader in my life. In Gate me purpose and a reason for getting out of bed in the mornings and eating a piece of dry Oast and a three minute egg. Ii led me to running around the Block fiery morning before the Sun and my neighbors came up. Ezcry Lime i hit a traffic Light in the car i thought of inc Blue dress and contracted my stomach Muscles. One Day i sneaked into the closet and tried it on. Something got caught in the Zipper. It was my leg. It would be another few months before 1 could even try Roget the other leg in it. My evangelism began to Wane. Mercifully Winter came and inc dress went Inlo inc garment bag with the solemn Promise that come Spring i would have a new dress to Wear Hal no one had Ever seen before. The second summer i had in i just knew in would fit. Mayv awas there when i tried in on. Whal do you think i asked. What does it feel like asked Mayva. Like a full body cast. But in t this the most heavenly Shade of Blue you be Ever seen it s like a sky on a  i Hale to Tell you Henny Penny but the sky is falling. Especially around the Texas  that was the last time anyone saw me in it. It got shuffled around in inc closet until it was finally delegated to the same Hanger Wilh the Cobbler apron an the paint Slacks. Yesterday i pulled it out looked at it took a deep breath and announced you won my christening dress was a size 12. Wherever you re going 1 Hope you la  my husband saw me ripping the dress. Why would you do that he asked. Men Are so naive. Did he actually think i d throw away a size 8 Label without recycling it c pm Emery rom inc