European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 29, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 14 columns the stars and stripes August 1985 theres no room left in Wampum by Russell Baker los been a successful summer on historic old Wam Pum where Success is measured by the number of automobiles transported from the Mainland by the Island figures arc not but everybody knows its been a record season because the Island has been paralysed by gridlock from ii to 10 most Days since the Middle of mid june is when the annual migration of the cars to historic old Wampum Island always the Island merchants celebrate the occasion by gathering at the ferry slip where people arriving in the first cars of the season can throw Wampum at if they Are too cheap to throw the roots of this historic ceremony go Back to the arrival of the first Kurop cans according to Island threw two pounds of Glass beads at the welcoming delegation of then slapped them in chains on charges of impertinence after their chief White Man too cheap to throw 350 years the people of historic old Wam Pum Island say their ancestors did the indians a it would have broken those poor indians hearts to hear modern historic old Wampum islanders talking about building a three level underground parking garage underneath historic old main Street right Here in these words were spoken by a contemporary historic old Wampum islander at last weeks emergency town it had been called to consider ways to Cope with the car problem after the police who had been missing for four was found by the Wolf patrol of the Wampum boy scout troop gridlocked Between the dreamland movie theater and the downy Flake donuts naturally this made islanders suppose the whole police Force got gridlocked for three or four even More parking space in metropolitan Wampum Burg had become so rare that motorists cruised the town for hours ready to pounce the instant a parked car moved thus the concept of of Street parking finally came to historic old Wampum there will be a three level underground parking garage built at the Cen Ter of a splendid new underground shopping such a grand project will take years to since every islander with any construction skill what Ever is already Busy filling the Sand dunes and moors with tract the great underground mall May even take recognizing the historic old Wampum Island Progress commission proposed turning two of Wam Humburgs historic old cemeteries into parking lots until the underground project is this created the plan now is to build four Levels of parking Over each the parking areas would be accessible by to maintain the historic old Charm for which the Island is the structures would be covered with Gray and the Access ramps paved with Many islanders believe these historic old Over the cemetery parking lots with their colourful shingles and cobblestones will quickly become famous enough to at tract thousands of additional cars from the bringing Ever More but preferably c new York times hark the mailman cometh again by Art Buchwald while touch would is on vacation were reprinting some of his columns from the Post office threatens to Cut Down deliveries to three times a week newspaper it had to in the year 1990 the postmaster general went on television and announced to the coun try that because of a billion deficit and Congress refusal to permit him to charge for a firs class the american people would receive their mail Only one Day a this would be known As mail Day and would be considered a National he regretted the decision but assured the american people that they would still receive the Best service of any postal system in the and he promised that with Only a few exceptions no one would be inconvenienced by at first people were angered by the but pretty soon they accepted it As they have everything else the postal service has done to in a few years mail Day became As popular As and the excitement built up As the Day came Little children were told that if they were bad the mailman he was pictured As a Man in a blur uniform with a Long White Beard  bring them any department stores hired men to play the role of and men and women and children would Sil on his knee and Tell him what they wanted for mail people decorated their doors and windows with old birthday and get Well cards and put coloured lights on their there was a great spirit of Good will associated with the doormen and elevator operators and build ing superintendents became Kinder and More people greeted each other by have a merry mail Charity organizations raised funds on the streets for poor people who had no one to share their mail fraternal groups got together and walked through the streets singing mail the churches and synagogues stayed open on mail Day eve so people could Pray for letters from their when youngsters asked where the mailman their parents told them he lived at the North pole and he spent the entire year cancelling Stamps on letters and packages so he could leave them on mail Day morning for when they asked How he delivered the they were told he put it in bags and came Down the Chimney when everyone was but if there were a dog in the he would pass it everyone locked up their dogs on mail Day on the morning of mail Day the entire family came downstairs and opened their bags of mothers got All the Bills fathers got All the newspapers and magazines that had piled up for the there were let ters and postcards and birthday cards and Christmas cards for grandmothers and grandfathers opened their social Security children gleefully ripped open the junk mail with Fourcolors Cata logs and appeals from Indian reservations that didst there were also packages from stores and mail order houses and tax returns and alumni fund it took All Day for people to open the in the evening relatives came by to Exchange cancelled Stamps and have mail Day every to network put on a televised football and Perry Como had a special mail Day to for 10 years mail Day was the most exciting Day of the but then in january the postmaster general appeared on television and said that because of rising costs and a trillion deficit the Post office would be unable to deliver mail once a year As it had done in the in the he mail would be delivered Only one Day during leap he Felt that in this Way the Post office could operate with More efficiency and still provide the services that so Many people depend but he warned that if Congress did not raise the Price of a firs class stamp to a the Post office would have to take More drastic which included Only delivering the mail once every 200 c los Angeles times Basic Aux surfaces speak Tow Vui Gariti pm fam a comm Tel on Istat that our to rec th5 Sharps of  today crossword by Eugene Sheffer across 1 mop the deck 5 turf 8 Good perhaps 12 13 Mongrel 14 Vesuviano output 15 baseballs Matty 16 Stream 17 Bonanza son 18 sound in vestment 20 launder 22 British Rock group 26 Cabinet depart ment 29 chess Lopez 30 Rural contest 31 Mideast land 32 Morse character 33 Arizona Indian 34 Central 35 payable 36 Detroit output 37 army discharge cause 40 Costa 41 debt entering medium 45 dentists request 47 network 49 Norse god 50 extinct 51 alias 52 film editing technique 53 ant Type 54 longing 55 Snoop Down 1 Mineral Springs 2 Disney 3 medicinal Plant 4 Kentucky whisky 5 food fish 6 gallic of 7 elicit 8 hold tight 9 something to break 10 Marie Saint to yesterdays Puzzle 829 solution time 27 11 player 19 Corn unit 21 sister of Beth and to 23 sobbed 24 Verne character 25 pro votes 26 Branch 27 Verdi bit 28 Nightmare 32 Mormie Dearest Star 33 disparaging remark 35 one Dwarf 36 King beater 38 actress Williams 39 metro Politan 42 self prefix 43 wee bites 44 Patella locale 45 harem chamber 46 apiece 48 supple ment 26 45 27 46 28 40 22 38 113 19 16 32 j47 j54 23 29 48 20 39 41 21 36 14 17 33 49 52 55 10 11 24 25 30 42 43 44 829 Hubert think Mold it wei0h this an