European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - September 5, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns gathering storm photo by Chuck Vinch what s the longest distance Between one Point from those wonderful folks ,11 Abc to comes terrific news. Abc has decided to broadcast the Indianapolis 500 live and Complete next memorial Day weekend. I want everyone to harass an non Stop until they swear to give us a satellite Hookup. The unify race As All civilized people Kyj. Consists of the loudest Smo Kiest cars in the world roaring round and round a slab of Concrete in Indianapolis while several Hundred thousand internal combustion freaks sit out in the Sun and Pray for a fiery crash to break the routine. That s not very important. What is important is this it lasts longer than Cone with the wind. That Means there will be an entire Spring afternoon with no Golf. I get Goose bumps just thinking about it. Golf is the dullest of sports under any circumstances. There is one thing duller than seeing a Golf match in person. That of course is seeing it on television. There s nothing quite like it. A fat tanned Guy stands on a Hill surrounded b a reverent Bunch of other fat tanned people. He swings a stick at a Liny Ball then holds his hand above his brow and gazes off into the endless horizon of space like an Indian Lookout on patrol. The camera shows a vast expanse of Blue sky while the to color Man says excitedly there she goes the Small while Ball bounces around on a Grassy area. Then we see fal tanned people looking at a fat tanned a by John Windrow staff columnist nun As he crouches Over the Little Ball and deftly swings his stick about six inches. The Little Ball Rolls around some More. I once tried to sit through a Golf match on to As a personal favor to a Good Friend. After 15 minutes i was ready to t ones to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby. I wrote to All the big Golt tournaments several years ago and suggested thai they do something to liven up the sport i pointed out just because Golf had always been brain numbing was no reason to despair. I thought Golf might pattern itself after professional wrestling. I it i be i Revino and Jack Nicklaus show up in purple apes and masks. They could snatch the microphone away from the announcer and snarl and scream at each other while Little Oki ladies stood on folding chairs All around them waving umbrellas. Between holes they could bite each other or work in a Tew body slams. Maybe a few Leggy girls could prance around in Short shorts before each putt holding big score cards. Golf has chosen to ignore my progressive ideas so forget it. Well watch the indy 500. And what a thrill it s going to be. Engines Roar tires squeal. The acrid smoke of burning Oil and rubber Blacken out the Sun. Round and round they go for three or four hours. I wonder How the color men will fill up the air time. Here they come they certainly Are coming right now. there they they sure did. Are they going fast or what fast is hardly the word for it Frank. We Jusi clocked Mario at 2 \2 Miles an hour on the Heit they come again Bill just look at pm go yep there they thank god there Haven t been any wrecks of that would be terrible Bill. Speaking of wrecks Why Don t we show the folks out Spei highlight tape of great indy smash ups now you re talking Hank. Well do that right alter this Beer Here they come again. get those raids and letters off to an folks. Maybe 1 could use my influx Rice to gel a few on the stripes letters to the editor Page. Remember its either that or Golf. And Gulf is like a slow Quiel . 500. September a 1965 stripes Magazine
