European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 04, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes Friday october 4, 1985 columns today s crossword too thin skinned to be hard nosed by i ssf.1.1. after i rep Orlid sighting a lot of derelicts passed out in Manhattan gutters five new yorkers wrote angry letters. Rive does t seem Tike Many letters for a City of 7.071.639 pc plug. Unless you Ore in the writing business but in the writing business five letters is heavy mail and very encouraging. It Means Only 7,071,634 people would rather watch television than . It is painful to discover that every Reader in new York is angry at you unless you have a thick skin like the famous old time thick skinned columnists most of a hum have died or worse moved on to Washington. 1 come from journalism s thin skinned ranks. This prevented my becoming a Success in Washington. The skin covering my nose was so thin that the underlying nose material was never Able to toughen up. As a result 1 could not develop the hard nose so admired in Washington. When important people got together Down there to Praise themselves they complimented each other on being hard nosed. When my name came up they said he is in Washington this was the kiss of death. To Avo a obituary that said my nose had Given me the kiss of death. I went to new York. Now the entire Reading population of the City is angry. They dislike writings about derelicts unconscious in Gutter. One correspondent accuses me of living in a suburb. Yes. Living in a suburb is apparently regarded by literate new York As an odious activity. Maybe it is. All i know of suburbs is what anybody might glean from implausible novels about overheated suburban housewives. I except for the years 1931-1937, i have never lived in a suburb. This is not because of fear of suburban House wives. It is because of a loathing for automobiles. I always live either in the City where there is mass Tran sit or if the country where when your horse Breaks Down on the Highway you can shoot it and walk away. If Detroit made a car that could be shot and abandoned when i broke Down j might Nave a fling at the suburbs in spite of the housewives. Then i might engage in the interesting activity which three of these letters suggests i am already up to my neck in. This is shipping derelicts from the suburbs to new York City. Why would i do this because living in the suburbs would make me callous inhumane and mean spirited about paying taxes needed to treat derelicts right. Happily i now live in the country where you can shoot your horse when it Breaks Down and gel on with life instead of spending the rest of it waiting for a Tow truck and visiting garages. Living under those conditions would probably make anyone but a Saint Lake up shabby schemes to ship the derelicts to new York. It s also Nice not having to ride the subway and fight Back the impulse to shed blood when the e train Dis Gorges All those suburbanites at Penn station taking Manhattan s Money out while scheming to smuggle their derelicts in at the next dark of the Moon. What new York s literate population really wants of course is Praise for their Hometown. Country people who come and talk about derelicts in the Gutter instead of the Beautiful shop windows they pressed their noses against Are suspected of being cautious nitpickers. My thin skin is punctured by this suspicion. I want to whine protest explain apologize say. You Misander but i won t. If word of it got through somehow lord Only knows How to the 7,071,634 new yorkers glued to their to sets they would surely be humiliated to hear it. New Yew times news service getting bag Back is half the Tun by Art Buchwald while Buchwald is on ucar on we arc reprinting mime of / / columns from the Pitt one of the biggest problems of air travel is getting your Luggage Back at the end of the trip. For some reason More Luggage is being lost now than even before and it s quite a headache for the airlines not to mention the people who arc flying. What makes the whole thing mysterious is that if you re travelling with your wife the airlines somehow manage to lose Only her bags the ones she absolutely needs if she is going to survive the trip. There in t a husband who has Ever flown who has t faced this situation you get off the plane dog tired and wait at the bag Gage area. The Carousel keeps turning and turning with everyone s Luggage. You have All your bags in a matter of minutes. Your wife gels All her bags except for one the Large garment bag with All her dresses costume jewelry and underlings. You wait an hour staring at the Carousel hoping against Hope it will be the last piece of baggage off the plane. You Don t dare speak to your wife. She finally Speaks to you. They lost my i guess they what Are you going to do about it she says her lips pursed As if she is going to let out a scream. I am going to do something about it you say knowing in your heart there in t a Damn thing you Cando. But you have to show some machismo. You go up to a Man in uniform. See Here sir you say in your sternest voice. You people have lost my wife s the Man looks surprised. I m sorry i m the Pilot of the there is another official looking Man with a badge on his Chest. Sir you say you people have committed one of the gravest crimes known to tourism. You have lost the Luggage of an honest woman. Unless you pro Duce my wife s bag in the next 30 minutes i shall have to report you to the president of your i m a customs inspector the Man replies. Go to someone from the your wife who is Over in the Corner twisting her handkerchief asks what did they say i m narrowing it Down you say. The Pilot of the plane does t know where your bag is and neither docs the customs service. So it must be someone you Are directed to counter where a Lone clerk is trying to Cope with a Large crowd of angry husbands. It is obviously the lost Luggage counter because All the women Are huddled nearby wailing and tearing their clothes. The clerk hired for his masochistic tendencies is smiling As he fills out Long sheets of paper taking descriptions of the lost bags. You get to the counter and ask the stupidest question any air traveler can pose where is my wife s bag the masochist smiles. New Delhi Bali Rio do Jan Eiro. It could be i have a Good mind to slug you you say. Of would you please he says. Most people just shout at me but very few of them really hit i would t give you the satisfaction. What Are we supposed to do now Why Don t you go to your hotel and get a Good night s sleep if we find your Luggage Well have suppose it s never found then you can come Back Here and i la fill out another you return to your wife. Well you say it s no problem. They know exactly where the bag is and you la have it in the this calms her Down until you get to the hotel. Then you make a mistake. As she s crawling into bed you ask where s your Nightie and she lets out a scream that can be heard All Over the roofs of Paris. C lot Ane Elei Tolmei by Eugene Sheffer across 1 hire 4"caughtyou" 7 Pithy i Yoko 13 Fleur or 14 spooky 15 Container 16 mailing spot 18 schedule Hahr. 19 villain Ous look 20 suburban shopping site22 Rainbow 23 infamous Marquis 27 fool29 Chapeau storage 31 hindu Force 34 Section 35 re Frig erator37 set 38 disarray 39 author u Vin 41 Torch 45 Gay 3 of sound Wii 4 " fair in. Bomber 6 wim47 through Laugher 48 Cash Cache 6 fall Bloom 52--Arbor 7 Oracle 53 " dog 8 that 1oh3 song woman 54 mine output 9 planet 55 Call for 10 famed help resort 56 Borders 11 Singer 57 Koppel or Ritt Kennedy 17cal 58 essay 21 fold Down Young 1 tribal pole Stem 2 Bryant or 23 photo Morris of sorts avg. To Lintlop time 28 rain. 10-4aim. To yesterday s Puzzle 24 presidential nickname 25 bashful s pal 26 British river28 Paulo 30 mimic 31 Kipling work 32 top card 33 Legal matter 36 Deer Road sign 37 plentiful 40 scan character 42 nautical cry 43 unimportant 41 colourful flower45 football Pui yers 46 fired 48 Haggard heroine 49 scottish Fox 50 carpet 51 Singleton 10-4 Nubert he said heft let me Moncay he didst Togo weekend
