European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 31, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Profile Ann Landers talks about giving advice by Frank Devin news american Syndicate. is Uin a u Roar / t tint Oman or if a Iii ii in Mif � a t in. Iii a i. Ris Nile vie in in i i is Iti Tut Jev or t a f l Iff la a Kov or Thorn is not Happ emm to me. Too lose in Deri Trifie Ilion Only put rur in the same Ith miss i one a hearts. Do you rom Rulh i wonderful novel by West 1 he Heto wrote ,111 aerie f Olumn Iarj Lejnik the suite rules of his so completely is his own that eventually he or Nile i suit Ide. Q. Were you anxious when you started being Ann Landers 30 years ago a. Of i a d no idea of was involved. Not the slightest. You see i had never had a Job be fore. Perhaps my innocence was my Protection. Q. I think one of the things that people expect from Ann Landers is common sense. Did you have common sense As a Young woman when you began this Job or did you acquire it a. I Don t think you can acquire common sense. You have it or you Don t q. Can you define common use if anybody can it has to be Ann Landers. A. Common sense is the ability to View .1 situation in its us complicate i form and to respond in an uncomplicated Way. To some extent common sense accepting that there Are some problems for which there is no solution. If you can t change a situation you must learn to live with it quit torturing yourself looking for answers when there Are no answers. That s common sense. Q. Has the nature of the problems faced by your readers changed during these past 30 years a. It certainly has. There1 Are problems today that no one could have pred ii Ted 30 years ago. Aids is example. Also the proliferation of divorce.1 All Over the1 world not Only in America. Q. Is divorce a problem that common sense says there is no solution to a. Well i Don t hink divorce is always All Liaci. Some time s divorce is a Good solution. I certainly would t say that people must live their lives out with the same partner they Start with. I believe that if a relationship is untenable misery making it s of to say this is it q. I must t sidetrack you. Continue if you will. How have people s problems changed in the past 30 years a. Things that were considered unacceptable 30 years ago are1 acceptable today. And this bungs Forth new kinds of problem. Q. For example a. Well living together without marriage. Thirty years ago this was viewed As highly immoral. Today it is not. Women and men write and ask me about living together and i Tell the m it is almost always a bad idea. But they do it. They travel around with an unmarried mate and nobody thinks anything of it. Thirty years ago people would have thought a great Deal about it. Q. What reasons do you offer readers for opposing living together without marriage a. I learn a great Deal from my readers you know. Q. Yes i suspected it was a two Way Street. A. Yes i learn from them and those who have tried living together invariably say it did t work. Usually it s the woman who complains. I was used. When we went into this agreement we Ann Landers has been giving advice process Inamy for 30 years. Clue Idee that everything would be 50-50. A did t turn out that Way. I m doing All of the housework. He did a Little for about two weeks and that was the end of that. Now the Bath towels fall where he throws them on the bathroom floor q. And he s not even a husband. A. No he s not a husband and he s not a help and he did t keep his word. I m doing the cooking i m doing the shopping he never seems to have time. I m Pic King up his clothes from the cleaners. Then the Money problem i m paying More than i should Anci he can t seem to be t his act together. Me owes me an awful lot of Money and i m getting sick of it. In addition to which he Doe in t come Home for a couple of nights a week am i wonder where he is and his excuses Aren t Good that s what in he Aring. Q. Are you hearing from Young men As Well that living together is unsatisfactory or disappointing a. Yes More from women but some men e complain for instance about their mates giving too Mue h Lei their jobs. Women who have careers Are trying desperately to get ahead and they re working horrendous hours. The Man who moves in wifi this kind of a woman resents it. She s not around enough. She was at the beginning and it was swell but she s not around enough now and 1 Don t think it was such a Good q. 1 have heard it said that you were one of the most influential people in the country in guiding parents through the Charlie 60s, when All the kids seemed to be in revolt against authority of any kind. Basically your advice to the parents was to take it easy that the kids would turn out of. Do you have any second thoughts about that a. When you re living through something you can t View it in the proper perspective. The 60s were wild. I m talking about the Vietnam Days when protest was everywhere. The kids let their hair grow. They did t Wash their necks. It was a badge of Honor to dress As sloppily As possible. It was As they say the style then to rebel. They got very co a and started smoking shooting up together and sleeping together that was part of the program. Q. The famous Ann Landers booklets open marriage or instance that you Send to readers who need More information than you can fit into a newspaper column do you find they need updating from time to time a. I have rewritten several in the last few years. The one on drugs for example we now know that marijuana is not the harmless Little Weed that people thought it was. It can be quite destructive. I did t make that Point Well enough in the first Booklet. So i decided to rewrite it. Q. Let me get Back to something you said earlier that you Learned from your readers. Has 30 years of learning Given you a special feeling about the Wisdom of Ordinary people a. It s Given me a Fen Ling of humility. I thought i was pretty smart until i found Emiitt people were smarter than i about a great Many things. It s humbling to learn Bow mete h you Don t knew. Q. Do you think your readers Are More or less contented than they were 30 years ago a. There s a lot of discontent out there now. Life is not As easy As it used to be. New things have happened particularly to women. Many women Felt that if they had a College degree it was wasted if they did t go out and get a paying Job. So they went out inc got the Job and thro Felt guilty about leaving a Small child or children for somebody else to look after. So the Mother starts thinking my child really needs More attention. Maybe i should stay Home. Around time she has already bought the second car the better apartment and All of the . She needs the Money from that second Job. So she is stuck. Q. If we arc in a Winter of discontent maybe the pendulum is about ready. A. The pendulum is swinging. Yes. Many women Are Fig Eiring they would just As soon do with fewer luxuries and stay Home. I see nothing wrong with that. 1 think that women who want to work have careers Fine. But if they decide to have children along with their careers i think they owe it to the child to stay Home at least one year. If the Mother in t there there is no bonding. In any Case i know from my mail i get at least 1,000 letters a Day that a Gre at Many women arc not All that thrilled with their careers. They would really like to slay Home. Q. Can i ask you about being Eppie Lederer in private and Ann Landers in Public do you switch on Ann Landers at some special time of Day a. Actually we Are one and the same. I was Ann Landers be fore i was Ann Landers always giving Advie a it seems. in High school friends were asking me what to do what do 1 think. I must have he a n perceived As someone who had As you said common sense. And in those Days when i was in High school in the late 30s, Eirin Kirin and smoking were Juite the in thing and i never did either. Q. Were you Temple a. Never the fact that i was Square and not bothered by it Maetje people want my advice i guess. Anyway not smoking and drinking paid off handsomely. When i went Bac k to Rny Atli High school re Union and i saw what some of those women looked like i Reali de How much it has paid off. Q. Do you have any intention of retiring As Ann Landers a. I have no intention whatever. Q. What has been the most frequent question asked of you Over the past 30 years a. What s the matter with me i m so lonely. How can i make friends or fit in or do better Many people who on the surface seem quite Well adjusted Are not Happy at All. They Are desperately lonely. Q. Is that one of the problems without a solution a. There is a solution and i do try to get people to see it. There Are Many people who feel the same Way that you feel. Get together. You Don t have to be alone. You be got soulmates All Over the place. People who Are looking for you. You re looking and they re looking. Do Volunteer work take adult courses in High school or in College get involved. Don t prowl around the bars looking for company because All you re going to find is people who drink. I think maybe one of the problems of loneliness is that people fear rejection. They re afraid that they won t be accepted so they Don t reach out. Q. So the quintessential piece of advice from Ann Landers is. A. Yes. Reach out. 20 stripes Magazine october 31, 1965
