European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 21, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns i the spy who came in from the Sun by John Windrow stall columnist spying is a vicious Racket no doubt about it. When the stakes Are High As in the Bone crushing struggle or world dominance Between the United states and the soviet Union human decency counts for nothing. Consider the heart rending Case of Kab Man Vitaly Yurchenko. Yurchenko you May recall defected to the United states in August while he was in Rome. At least that s what the Cia says. Yurchenko popped up at the russian embassy in Washington this month and said he had been kidnapped. The russians welcomed him Home with open arms. What they re doing to him now is anybody s guess but i Hope he spins a Good yarn. It can get mighty cold and lonesome in Siberia. Maybe they la believe him. His Story seems plausible enough. Yurchenko says after he was kidnapped he woke up in an interrogation Center where he was kept on drugs Day and night As Cia fiends tried to convince him that he had defected. Here s where the tale really gets sordid. Yurchenko appeared to be robust and vigorous at his Moscow news conference last week when he was recounting the horrors of his Captivity. He explained this by saying according to the associated press thai the Cia forced him to sunbathe and made me go in for sports even play Golf to make him look More healthy after giving him  this hurdles the blood. How can the United states get on a High horse about human rights violations in the soviet Union Cambodia Iran or Argentina when the heartless monsters of the Cia Are forcing people to sunbathe and play Golf of you May say the Cia spooks thought Yurchenko was going to become one of them a government employee therefore they had to show him How to sunbathe and play Golf so he would know How to interact with his colleagues on those Long government lunches. The Cia is much More sinister than that. The spooks knew that Yurchenko a suave educated Man of the world would know two things about sunbathing. It gives people skin cancer and no one looks Good sunbathing except Young women in swimsuits. Everyone else looks like a Lazy Slob with nothing to do but Cook his brain in lotion and Gamma rays. Yurchenko a trained espionage agent a master of deception a Man of action would find hours of forced sunbathing demeaning and maddeningly Boring. If that did t do the trick there was Golf. Coif the Mere mention of the word brings to mind endless hours of crushing Monotony. Swing the stick hit the Ball swing the stick hit the Ball. Yurchenko surrounded by overweight tanned dullard who rattled on and on about eagles birdies and Sand traps would be at the breaking Point soon enough. As if that weren t enough he would be forced to hang on the bar with golfers after the game and soak his liver in alcohol while he listened to even More dribble about slices Hooks and Chip shots. I have it on Good authority that if Yurchenko did t crack under Golf torture the Cia was prepared to make him go Bowling and Consort with known bowlers. Is it any wonder he fled Back to Mother Russia even at the risk of going to the gulag f i am fully aware there s a desperate struggle under Way with the Kremlin but is Victory Worth sinking to absolute depravity what happens when we find out the Cia is forcing people to watch reruns of family feud or general Hospital and giving them nothing to eat but grease burgers do we really want to be a part of Surh a dirty game it can t happen in the United slates you say. Well we can Only Hope. But if forced sunbathing and Golf have already been carried out who knows what horrors await us i say the next time some Kab Fink wants to come in out of the cold before we even talk about a Deal Tell him he has to watch six hours of Bowling for dollars. If he s willing to endure that he s on the level. Give him his citizenship and no More rough stuff. If thin is in then Why Are people so rude by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners even people who would agree about the rudeness of pointing out a person s excess weight to her Ace fed it is perfectly acceptable to jokingly Tell a thin person How disgusting or sickening she is for being thin. I have been told this often for to these Many years and i Don t diet. I have been Good natured about h All along even when blatantly told that my figure b inadequate and that should just wait until i m Over 40. This comes mostly from women of course and my patience for their obvious jealousy is wearing thin. I do nothing to precipitate these comments but you know whenever women come together arid talk the subject invariably turns to diet and clothes. H is at this Point As often As not that i become a target without having said a thing. Since i am older than 30,1 would Hope to be afforded a Little More respect and dignity than this As i know these women expect and receive it from me. Gentle Reader what these women Are practising is a particularly obnoxious modern social convention called the compliment insult. These Are the kind of people who congratulate you on an achievement by saying i hate you or you re just doing this to show up the rest of  they truly believe that they Are expressing in a humorous or original Way the politeness that such an occasion demands. There Are two ways of dealing with this. Miss manners will not let you use them unless you absolutely Promise to do so naively without any Trace of sarcasm. She is willing to have you Point out to these people what they Are doing but will not have you humiliating them. One is to Lake them at face value and in your Case say in a flurried Way really is my appearance offensive i had no idea i was so unattractive. Tell me your eating habits perhaps i could learn something. You look  the other is to take it As if it were the compliment they intended and to reply to being told that your figure is disgusting of thank  dear miss manners the first time my Boyfriend and i spent time in my bedroom talking and nothing else my Mother said that i could never go into the bedroom with him again simply saying it was t right. Then she agreed that i could go into he bedroom with him As Long As the door was kept completely open but when he came Over she said she d never agreed to anything of the sort. The next Lime he and i were discussing a structural problem with a Model helicopter in my bedroom. Everything was innocent. My Mother came in and very rudely started telling us to leave. She s always rude to him but when he s gone she says she likes him and denies she s been rude. My question is Haven t i got the right to be in my own bedroom i la agree to keep the door wide open As Long As she s not in there every five minutes checking up on us or asking me to Wash the dishes when my friends Are Over. My friends have complained and i can t blame them. Should t she keep her word there have been times i Haven t kept my word but i be paid the Price. Gentle Reader without defending your Mother who certainly should keep her word and not treat your friends rudely miss manners feels sorry for her. Your Mother is behaving the Way she is because she has not thought the problem through. Like most grown ups she knows that appearances As Well As actual behaviour can be important. But instead of explaining thai to you she has tried to give in on thi1 Point of your entertaining in your bedroom. Then because she has conceded something she cannot i july endorse she cannot stick to it. Miss manners does not doubt that your behaviour is innocent but for a couple logo off alone to a bedroom in a family dwelling is suggestive of something else. If it were a bed sitting room in a dormitory commonly used for social As Well As sleeping purposes that would not be the Case. This is such a Subtle argument that your Mother does t attempt it because she is afraid she would lose to a Youthful declaration of rights and wrongs in which Mere appearances Are discounted and issues of social custom dismissed As trivial if not hypocritical compared to actual moral behaviour. You Are however right in wanting a private place in which to entertain. Surely there is some place in the House the living room a recreation or silting room that can be set aside at certain limes for you and your guests. Dear miss manners i will soon be 16, and although my parents Are on a tight budget i want a Sweet sixteen party. Should h be formal with dresses and All or just a casual party if dresses what color gentle Reader contrary to popular opinion formality need not Cost More Money than informality. For example one of the most elegant forms of entertaining there is the Tea party where Only Tea Little sandwiches and cookies Are served is one of the cheapest. Renting a place to give a party is expensive. All you have to do to make your Back Yard formal is to Call it a Garden. Setting a clothing color Means asking your guests to buy something to Wear. Asking them to dress up sets a Standard of formality without special expense. Feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Blue or Blue Black Ink on while writing paper to miss manners in care of the stars and stripes Apo 09277, us. Forces. November 21,1935 stripes Magazine