European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 13, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes Friday december 13. 1985 columns & comments today risk crossword hip hip Hurrah for Paris fashion by of Man i have always marvelled Al the boldness of fashion designers. They have come so far from their Unic hum ble even Servile. Lask of fining clothes to inc female form i or most of modern history they have managed to convince customers to redesign their bodies to fit inc clothing. Let us imagine just one woman trying to keep her shape in style from the beginning of the Century to the current Day. In 1900. She would have retrofitted her Kidness up around her lungs so she Euld have the 19 Inch Waist of a Gibson girl. In 1925. She would have bound her bosom to gel the flatness of the flapper. In ?5. She would have Thi bosom again until it pointed at Doris Day. The Genius of the designer movement May have peaked in the 1970s at the height of arguments about gender. Were the differences Between males and females biological or cultural the designers took the political position that thighs were a product of cultural conditioning which women should overcome. They Sim ply Drew them out of the fashion picture. By 19x0. Unisex was replaced by dress for Success. Which was a euphemism for hide the sex. Finally along came the anatomical wonder of the present Day Shoul Ders. Women who were carrying More weight in the world were Given the shoulders to match. Those of us who could not acquire the padded football look by Nau Tilus or steroids added it by Needle or velcro. The mag a Ines Call these Falsis on the shoulder Power pads. But now arc you ready Karl lager fold has come up with the latest the last word in re designer breakthroughs. From Paris ladies and gentlemen Fash Ion slaves everywhere i give you hip pads. Yes you read it Here first or at least second. The Spring line of Coco Chanel s successor will carry styrofoam Iii pads sewn into inc skirts. When everybody starts wearing shoulder pads it is time to do something else said his associate Claude Montana. In Paris they have Luw Rcd their sights and broadened their ideals. I know what you arc thinking. You already have a pair of your own right anyone who can sell hip pads to american women can make a bundle bringing coals to Newcastle. You re right. Only a Man who spent his whole life working with fashion models could come up w Ith such a redundant phrase As hip the fashion Model is a subspecies bred exclusively for the use of photographers and runways. The very last curve was eliminated by genetic engineering in 1972 during inc unisex crae. The rest of us arc to models As the stepsisters arc to Cinderella s Slipper sic. We spend More Lime fantasy ing about subtracting than adding padding to our own abundant Supply. Surgery perhaps suctioning biting l y my own medical observation the average female hip is a Magnet for calories. Most of us who get hip pads from Paris do it the traditional Way by eating. The hip is the final resting place of an estimated 60 percent of the very Best Camm Burl and 53 percent of the finest chocolate that has Ever passed through the great Ameri can alimentary canal. I personally know Only 39 females who would immediately Benefit from hip pads. A full 3h of Ihm arc in the seventh Grade. Nevertheless. I be got to take my Power pad off to inc Man w to took such a fashion risk. I think he s got a hit on his hands. After All a skirt thai has room for artificial pads May even have room for natural ones. As inc designer said coyly with the padding at the hips there is no difficulty telling the girls from the boys we May be taking a re Mold course Back to the real world of female Anat omy. If hips arc in can stomachs be far behind so the next time someone glances in the vague direction of your widest expanse just look him or her in the Eye and say c Boston Globe Washington poll Star wars Haw is a Crayon away by Art Buchwald i Vas Over at Barry Israel s inc of her night when his a Ca old daughter Alison came into the living room. Have Jou done your Homework her father asked. Alison handed him a Sheet of paper with a Crayon drawing on it. Whal is it it s Star wars " Alison said. This is inc Sun and this is inc House and this is the Mommy and this is inc daddy and this is inc lilt a child and this is inc cat and this is a that s Fine bul How do you get Star wars out of Hal this Blue Circle Over everyone is Star wars the rockets can t get through to kill inc Mommy the daddy inc child and i Don t see How that Blue arc can Stop missiles from Hilling your family Barry said. Alison pointed to three red missiles bouncing off the arc. You Sec the bombs Are stopped and can t hit where did you get inc idea Hal a Blue Crayon can Slop a red one i saw it on television. It said if everyone supports Star wars we will be Safe from getting Don t lie to me Alison s father said. She s not lying i told him. I saw the same to commercial. It s put out by some outfit called peace shield to convince people the president s strategic de sense initiative works. They re hoping if they make it simple enough americans will buy it Barry said what a Crock. They re using a kid s drawing to sell a pie in the sky i said Don t jump to conclusions that a child was inc artist. I know several scientists who could easily have drawn the drawing does t convince me we should spend Inion son Star wars " it s not intended to convince you it s supposed to convince Alison. After All. It s her generation Hal is going to have to live with laser beams and enhanced deterrence. Of kids believe a Blue Crayon can Slop a red one hey won l be Alison was just standing there sheepishly. Finally she said. Is my drawing All right her father replied As far Asil goes in is. Hand me a red Crayon and a Black one. Of. Now watch carefully. The red Crayon can l gel through the arc and inc House and the family arc perfectly Safe. Right us huh Alison said not knowing where her father was going. Now i take the Black Crayon and it slices right through the shield and knocks out the Sun the House and the family of Why because Black crayons can always go through Blue ones. Even a nuclear umbrella won t Stop them. That s Why a Blue Crayon is not going to save Alison looked at me for some help. I have to agree with your father i Lold her. There arc Loo Many differ Cal coloured crayons for one Blue arc to Stop. Even if Only one color got through in would wipe out your Mommy daddy and Barry said did you hear what your Uncle Art just said listen to him. He knows Alison s lower lip was quivering. You ruined my her father replied i just wanted to teach you a lesson. Don t believe everything you see on c los anoles times across 1 with 4 and h across Liam Tilin Chise Sitf t 4 is1 across Al see1 across 12 Whitney 13 City Onich Oka 14 hard s River 15 Madrid miss i mariachi group 18 marines 19 take to Tho slopes 21 catch a lion 22 human philos opher 26 decorate 29 Tahle part 30 populi31 chess turn 32 comic Hill for Short 33 quote 34 Singleton 35 Pir out36 1/osl color 37 based on six by Al . Sheffer 39 train unit 2 on the40 actress sheltered Joanne si141 Lawrence s 3 Singer Milieu 4b Are 48 do team 501 Loir goal 51 old oath 52 Sharp coldness 53 symbols of Wisdom 54 Boot part 55 slalom Kneuver Down 1 monster s Home Turner 4-m a s a extra perhaps 5 infuriating 6 Seine 7 or. 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