European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 15, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Children of interfaith marriages seek inner peace Joseph Berger new York times t he Gold medallion Leslie Goodman Malamuth wears around her neck serves Asan Emblem of her lifelong struggle As the child of an interfaith marriage. On one Side it has a Star of David on the other an engraving of St. Christopher rescuing a shipwrecked child. Goodman Malamuth. A tall woman with Honey coloured hair turns the Star of David to the world because she identities herself As a jew. But there s this other Side i keep  she said. The medallion sums up the  that conflict Between two religious worlds in which she has never Tell fully accepted is one shared by an increasing number of children coming of age after three decades of a surge in marriages Between jews and christians. Egon Mayer a Brooklyn College sociologist estimates that such children now number 400,000 to 600.000. Their experiences Range from an easy ability to swing Between cultures to a Bland indifference to religion to deep feelings of rootless Ness. To help the adult children speak freely about these experiences. Goodman Malamuth and a Friend. Robin Elizabeth Margolis. Recently organized a group called pareve the Alliance for adult children of jewish Gentile intermarriage. Pareve is a hebrew word that describes foods that under jewish dietary taws Are neither Dairy nor meat an absence of firm identity that whimsically mirrors the ambivalence Many children of intermarriage say they feel. The organization s use of a hebrew name also suggests that most of its members feel their greatest tensions in gaining acceptance from the jewish Community. Many who choose to identify themselves As jews but whose mothers were not jewish find they Are not accepted As jews because jewish Law traces religious descent from the Mother. In addition says Margollis. The group s executive director children of interfaith marriage sometimes suffer from severe feelings of displacement and  even at Home she said these children Are often caught in tugs of War Between their parents and their parents families Over whether they will be mostly Christian or mostly jewish. In the larger world they Are exposed to anti semitic or anti Christian remarks. Pareve s founders say they Hope to help people t integrate their two contrary sides and to work with jewish organizations in being More welcoming to such people. One of the things Margolis said she personally wants to gel out of pareve is company a lessening of the Leeling of profound  the group perhaps the first of its kind has a scattering of members in the Washington area and plans to Start a new York City chapter in february. It has been the subject of articles in jewish weeklies in Baltimore Washington and Kansas City and the group has received encouragement from experts on intermarriage such As Mayer author of love and tradition marriage Between jews and christians. Whether or not it survives. Pareve is significant As an indication of the response to the rising number of interfaith marriages or e relatively rare phenomenon. While such Marlat Tir Strong theological and emotional issues Lor Ca s and protestants the Leslie Goodman Malamuth s medallion St. Christopher on one Side Star of David on the other. Time photo Page 18 the stars and stripes american jewish Community views them As a profound threat. Numbering 5.8 million this Small Community feels its vitality is threatened by what it perceives to be a High rate of intermarriage. Mayer says that one out of every three jews is marrying out of the Laith. After decades of simply condemning such marriages the Reform an a conservative movements have begun adopting programs to keep interfaith couples in the jewish Community and to encourage them to raise their children As jews. Reform synagogues around the country Are holding discussion groups Lor interfaith couples and the movement has voted to accept the children of jewish lathers As Well As jewish mothers As jewish. This Issue is on the cutting Edge of jewish life today said Lydia Kukoff director of the movement s program or interfaith families. The jewish theological Seminary the Central institution of conservative Judaism announced recently that it was offering a course taught by Mayer to help its rabbinical students Deal with the increasing number of interfaith families. Like the orthodox movement whose leaders claim interfaith marriage is a rare phenomenon among their ranks the conservative movement continues to require conversion of the Gentile spouses in marriages its rabbis perform. Both movements also require that children whose mothers were not jewish convert in order to be accepted As jews. All three movements say pareve s founders have neglected the adult children of interfaith marriage who have to Deal with the consequences of decisions their parents made Long ago. Goodman Malamuth 30, managing editor of the nutrition action  Washington grew up in a Home in Southern California that she said determinedly rejected religious Observance other than Christmas Trees and easter baskets. In a town that had Lew jews she Lound herself gravitating toward the Judaism she had inherited from her father liking its emphasis on learning and its familial warmth. Since no religion was encouraged maybe Judaism represented forbidden fruit for me she said. Her parents objected to her interest she said but even the jewish Community she tried to penetrate did not make her feel comfortable. You know How women feel they have to be twice As Good As men to make it she said. Well that s How i Ell As a  she recalls that in 1973, after Israel turned Back the Arab threat of the october War she shared the Heady feelings of friends at her dormitory at the University of Berkeley in California. But some friends wondered Why she was so excited you re not  she recalls sunday december 15, 1985 one saying. I went to services but always with the feeling i was t  she said. I would sneak into services and sneak out without talking to  at times she said she gave up. Asking Hersell Why am i trying to be something i m not. But this year her life began to turn around when she married her second husband. Stephen k. Nelson who. Unlike her first was jewish. He really was jewish she said with a note of self mockery. I would have no conflict. He was my passport  As a result of the Reform movement s new policy of recognizing the children of jewish fathers As jewish she feels she will be accepted As a jew. But she plans to formally convert so jews affiliated with other movements raise no questions about any children she has. Moreover she said being jewish without converting is like driving without a  i Don t expect everybody to accept  she said but i m having an easier time accepting  fitting in has also made it easier Lor her to achieve a reconciliation with the Christian part of her roots she suggests. Christianity does not acknowledge my Beliel but it does acknowledge my blood. My beliefs Are 100 percent jewish but my background is not. And that s something that the organized jewish Community is ill equipped to  Goodman Malamuth i Story is fairly similar to that of other children of intermarriage. The Story of her co founder is not. Until a year ago Margolis a 35-year-old freelance writer thought she was a solid Episcopalian who could Trace her ancestry to 17th-Century Huguenots. But she Learned differently after her Mother s death last fall. She was rummaging through a closet and came across a marriage document Lor her Mother s parents that indicated they were jewish. Her Mother she found out from relatives had run away irom Home As a Young woman and concealed her Judaism even irom Margolis s father to whom she was married 38 years. Although Margolis was stunned she was not entirely surprised. She had always had an intellectual interest in Judaism she said and had even considered converting live years ago. After the discovery about her Mother Margolis decided to be jewish and took her Mother s Maiden name. These decisions inc of her lather and three Brothers uneasy but she found her desire to affiliate also made jews uneasy even though having a jewish Mother should have gained her full acceptance people say i m a jew but they react to me As a half jew. They re acutely aware of me As someone no has a Strong Gentile