European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 20, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes Friday december 20, 1985 columns & comments looking on Bright Side of Hal by s Byrl Dun l think me Bise when i say the approach til Alley s Comet does not make my pulse flutter. It is n dimple Case of disillusion. A few years ago i got terribly worked up about another Comet and had my heart Bro Ken u heft it failed to show up. Whitt Cornet was named Kohoutek. Sure Kohoutek Otil there somewhere. People with Access to the mount Wilson observe air could even see it. Bui to Usuf the naked Eye set Kohoutek a Dud. My children were then Young enough to be flabbergasted b my Wisdom or so i thought and i had filled them wit h a Preat Deal of Wisdom about this Kohoutek which we would soon Sec in glorious hashing color with our imn naked eyes. When we did not soon Sec it the children demanded to know where it was. I finally growing impatient myself for the newspapers after the excited Frol hings of their astronomy experts had fallen ominously silent i sighted it one Twilight in the Maryland sky. I was driving along an interminable Turnpike with the whole family scaled in a Sedan when i spotted a Beautiful Light hovering Over faraway Baltimore. There it is cried. Kohoutek All the children responded at once in chorus that s Mil it Cornel. That s just Venus inc evening j have hid no use for comets since. The Boston Globe s distinguished nature disquisition m. . Montgomery says this attitude is appropriate since Halley s Comet is merely a chunk of ice flying predictably eccentric orbits around the Sun. I cited Montgomery last week to a person very dear to me when she said i must be thrilled about the approach of Halley s Comet. Far from it i said la is merely a piece of ice and its arrival at this time is a rather Dull mathematical this thoughtless outburst produced signs of dismay in the Young woman. Interpreting them immediately with absolute accuracy i instantly added. Nevertheless i wish with All my heart i had binoculars or a Tele scope so hat i might observe this astonishing phenomenon of heavenly this retrieved an awkward situation for the Sweet child slavishly obeying he current Avalanche of Adver Tising advice on what to get dad. Hubby or Gramps for Christmas had obviously bought either a Telescope or binoculars to help me enjoy Halley s Comet to its fullest. A Well i thought it will be easy to burble happily about either binoculars or Telescope when the gifts arc opened since with either one i can sit on the roof and stare at the craters of the a Mem while inc rest of them Are glued by knot s Landing to the to set. Two Days later a Young Man who is very close to me telephoned. "1 guess you re really excited about Halley s Comet right he said. Right absolutely right 1 said. The Only reason i have insisted on living to my present advanced age is so i could catch Halley s Comet this Lime Well perhaps the girl was giving me binoculars and the boy a Telescope. With a Telescope 1 could sit on the roof and see the rings of whichever planet in is thai has the rings. I should know its name i suppose but life is too Short to master both the solar system and the wines of Bordeaux and though i am Uncertain which planet has the rings i know exactly which wine should be drunk while examining such planets through a icle scope. After Christmas up on the roof 1 shall be Well equipped in Case a similar scene is playing behind some a curtained window in the neighbourhood. So will a lot of other dads husbands Grampsas Godson and favorite nephews thanks to the late Hallcy. Science these Days May be just one piece of depressing news after another but in almost every instance in also offers some Small Reward for Mankind. Cpl. Dynamics Unm Erry Christmas by Art but Wald since it is inc Christmas season i am making a fervent Pica to my readers on behalf of inc 100 neediest department of defense contractors. Suspended by inc Navy shunned by the air Force ind boycotted by inc army the 100 neediest defense contractors will be wandering the streets for the Holida s unless each one of us comes to their Aid. Let me give you a Case history of just one of these unfortunate souls. His name is Corporal dynamics. He was formerly a general and inc most successful defens contractor in America which is Why he had a private Jet. Chauffeured limousine and a hot tub in Georgia. Dynamics was a founder of the military Industrial Complex and a Friend to five presidents. Fifty senators were Beholden to him because he gave them political action committee Money. Then tragedy struck. But let him Tell Ilas he told it to me from his wooden Bench in Lafayette Park. "1 woke up one morning and discovered that without m knowledge a Sale clerk had piled on extra costs for spare parts on our All weather army Barracks night lights to was t much Money $1 million Here Jio million there an occasional Iso million when no one was looking. While each overcharge was Chicken feed compared to what inc night lights Cost there h always some Wise Guy in inc Pentagon who tries to make a big Deal of it. As soon As i heard what was going on i became dumbfounded. I called in the sales clerk and asked him Why he had been overcharging our Best clients. He said they were getting the stuff too cheaply As it was. Be sides since we were the Only ones making night lights How could they say what they Cost after some per suasion he agreed to drop the Light overcharge provided we jacked up the research and development costs for a canteen up we were testing. This made perfectly Good fiscal sense so 1 told him it was of with me. Everyone was Happy until some malcontent in army procurement blew the whistle on us. The next thing i knew the Fri demanded to speak to me. Then i demanded to speak to my lawyers. They said they would talk to me in Exchange for my House my car and my cellular Telephone. To save his neck my sales clerk started talking to the Justice department. Everyone was getting surly so i decided to plead no contest to bilking millions of Dol Lars from the defense department. I was tossed out of the company. You arc now looking at a Man w to faces the grim Mest Holiday season of his life. I have no Money i have no Job and because of the scandal can t play Golf at the army Navy country club for three months. But i still have my Pride and i Don l want i asked him what he did want. I d like my title of general Back. Whoever heard of inc defense department giving a contract to a Cor poral before you go to sleep this evening think of Corporal dynamics and put yourself in his place. Try to imagine what it is like to be hounded by a Power mad Justice department. And then multiply dynamics by 99 More who arc sharing the same grate contractors who have been indicted Are waiting to be indicted or have offered to testify against their closest friends. No matter what the status of his Case right now a defense contractor still deserves a decent Christmas. While All the neediest contractors March to a differ ent drummer they have one thing in common. They Al wanted the biggest Buck for the bang. I lot Angeles Timss today s crossword by Eugene Shaffer across 35 beasts of 50 Bard 10 Trig function Burden is caviar 11 astaire4 Tinl 36 Tough kid Down concern 37 thoughts 1 Dunder 16 Porter of Cost head music fam often 2 famed 19 stash 40 Yard mass. 20 elegant Burrowjr school 21 aware of 41 Stratford 3 police 22 Schwar River vehicle zen Egger 42 Black and 4 places for role White pigs 23 roman Road 46 not 5 basics 25 Maze recorded 6 one wanderers 47 double customer 26 Frisco play 7 that girl _ sight halves 8 Soprano counter part12 polite address 13 hautboy14 stepped down15 racer of a sort 17 Pushbutton phone sound 8 pancakes 27 skating 18 problems 48 Rosalynn s to be maneuver19 precis daughter 9 medicinal 28 depend Itous 49 bed Board Plant 30 voluptuous 20 surveys avg. Solution time 27 Man. 33 shakes. � Pearean poem34"ung syne"36 brag 37 chums38 satanic 39 Bright Star 40 trumpeter accessory 42 soak up43 status 44 common latin verb12-20 45 Dell victim ans. To yesterday s Puzzle Choice 12-20 Nubert by up like t heard so much a out Guf Romm husband now let aae hear your. Side of it
