European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - January 6, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Page the stars and stripes monday january 6, 1936 a certain Jene Sals quo with food by . i am very weak on food. This creates constant humid unions 111, Tat example on he occasion same years ago when i ent to it Flossy California restaurant in a parly thut included Craig Claiborne a Man who is Strong on food rang. Anslaus 10 Cut an impressive figure in or. Claim orc s presence. \ Jid not Blanch when presented Wilh a menu in mined no la ask fur help and noting thai every body else was ordering 10 items from this incomprehensible document chose iwo French words at random Frum lie menu and uttered them is Well in incy could Bis uttered by a Tongue that had grown up on Cor Ponc Fried pork chops and roasting waiter eyed me with an insole no stare. Veteran waiters can instantly identify people who arc weak on food and the sight makes Ihm m Effort to hide his incredulity this waiter this californian with a Hollywood parisian accent Sata. It slur wants fish to limes his emphasis on the two was the Wisl of the Dag Ger. My random Choice of French words had put me in the apparently absurd position of ordering a fish Coursell follow n fish course. Thus died my dream of impress ing Craig Claiborne with my Baroir fairs at the table d Hote not to mention my Jene mis quoi with the no macs do thai instant i never knew Tiit people who am Strong on food do not cat fish iwo times at the Best restaurants. In my score Book this was strike three Ima Insi the Best restaurants strike one being their insistence on he use of menu French and strike two being their irresistible Power to urn sensible people into raving food weak on food i have just three ratings for meals terrific. 2. Of. 3. Lousy.1 believe 99.8 percent of american males confined Ihms Clvis o inc same three ratings until just recently when the consumption of High prised victuals became a Nal Onul craze. Since then it has become almost impossible to find a Good dinner conversation because your com Panion constantly interrupt to criticize the comestibles. The conversation moves happily toward a delicious divorce scandal when ius a minute now someone is exasperated by the endive. The endive is not Quill is Crisp As the Best endive should be. Which reminds someone else of the Best endive she Ever lasted which reminds another of the embarrassing meal he once attended at which a hostess served a a Slorf salad with Goat cheese and then at the meal s close offered a Stilton cheese without Bufler for he Cracker. Cheese two times believe ii or no you make another Effort to get Back to that divorce is it True that Thi Man in the Caas incessantly invited other men s wives up to his apartment to see his etch Ings etchings no woman is fetched by etchings any More. Nowadays it s sushi that docs the that reminds me of this fantastic thing they do Ai the cafe la Hooch Avocado stuffed with sushi Anil chopped suckers from octopus speaking of octopus what in inc world is the other Herb in this incredible fennel sauce this fennel sauce you Call incredible surely you joke. I be had better fennel sauce in Switzerland and you know How inferior the Swiss Sauniers can you want to talk about whether Che Reagan crowd can be stopped from destroying the government Why Elizabeth Taylor hasrt1 got married Hilly How your real estate partner bribed the zoning commission just iry dismantling the government would be unfortunate of course but could anything be half As unfortunate As what they be done to this Broccoli and "1 had t thought o Liz lately. Don t you think it s so much healthier nowadays that we All think of mushrooms i Sicad the meal i described Here would Rale an of by my system Chi Cpl thai by the time in has been critiqued Al tile Way to the intensive care Ward it must be dropped to a is what can happen to a delightful ins dilution like eating when you turn Victual consumption into a National craze. For people who arc weak on food it Kucs All the fun out of , Tom a tym it Vlic Crystal Ball made if perfectly Clear by Art Buchwald at the end of each year a pundit Musl Amine his work and confess to any mistakes he or she committed by Accident or through malice. Having searched through my scrapbook for 19h5 i was amazed to discover i had made none. The first major prediction which got me off to a Good Start was that Reagan and Gorbachev would never at tend a Summit conference in Geneva because both men were afraid 10 Fly. This was followed by another shop when f wrote last february. Ted Kennedy will throw his presidential hat Inlo he ring before 86, causing All the Otier democratic candidates to not All the columns had to do with politics. Early in april i wrote an open letter to coach Mike Dilka of the Chicago bean wanting him tent he would become the laughingstock of football if he Ever tent in a lineman called the probably the one most people laughed at was my Ore diction that once the British Royal yacht neared . Shores. Princess Diana would jump overboard and seek political Asylum. I said a Early As july thai the first Lime Alloney Gene Tel de Meese misinterpreted the intentions of the founding fathers when they wrote the Constitution. Rea Gan would Force him to resign and become the us. Ambassador to Ireland. I less there Are not Many Puni Liti who take As much in Crest in the Economy As 1 do. Therefore i can Point with Pride to a lip 1 gave my readers in March. Sell All your stocks because the Dow Jones Wil plunge below 500 Points by the end of the i Don t take credit for everything write in Aboul Jerry fall Cut in 1985. But i can t help reminding people that it was i who foretold that Falwell would Goto South Africa and hug Bishop Tutu to dramatize Falwell s anti apart Heid stand. It was t a Crystal Ball but just Plain shoe leather Hal made me write in May that defense Secretary Ca Weinberger would turn Down any increase in the defense budget so Domestic spending would not suffer. People think i m some sort of seer because a few months ago i predicted that National Security adviser Bud Mcfarlane would be Safe in the White House us Long As Don Regan was chief of staff. How Many of you were aware of this one before i wrote in the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesha will sell All his Kolii royces so be can buy lbs and fire Dan i m sorry to say Many of my colleagues prefer to sit in their Ivory towers rather than go out and scramble for the facts. 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