European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 10, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                By Don Tate staff writer traditionally a Mother s place was Home. Roles were defined. Wen went Oil 1o earn a living. Women stayed Homo to care Lor he children. That s the Way ii was. Chief Petty officer Terry Barnthouse who will be 33-years-old on Mother s Day. Will loll you the Way ii increasingly is Lor Many women in 1986. Go. Go go. Holic. Never ending. Be creative or stress Oul. She s Given birth to and cared Lor three children All boys. She s earning the daily bread. She Battles crazy Naples raffle As she rushes to and irom her Obas a journalist Al nato s Allied forces Southern Europe Headquarters. The traffic of. My lord the traffic. Squeezing four lanes into what in America is one or two  she puts her hand to her head. Laughs and says that the logic of Maples traffic is thai it s dangerous to Stop at red lights you might be rear ended. For Terry life in or Oul of Rallio is a blinking blur. Her Days and nights Are so tightly scheduled thai 10 see her husband Dan even for a breathless Bug eyed Exchange of greetings and essential information takes exquisite timing. She s coining he s going i any news problems husbandry wifely pats. Bye. And Dan roars Onward to his race. A iter a Day of taking care of kids and House he s Oil to pursue his degree in business administration at the University of Magazine Maryland naples1 division. As soon  gel Homo Terry Sriya. I do some cleaning fix supper or the kids and whatever else needs to be done get them o bed and Wail for Dan.". Besides their Brush by meeting in the driveway each afternoon Terry and Dan s Golden Lime indeed in dlr Only time Ollo oking each other in the Eye and communicating comes each night after Dan finishes classes. For How Long one half hour says Blond Terry wih a smile and precise Little nod of her head. That Sas we  almost like a military operation. Probably we re More military than the military. Coordinate. Regulate. And owl be late.". From approximately 9 30 till 10 each night they finally have time to talk. A s Rush Rush. A hurried conversation about what. Went on during thu Day. What the boys had to eat. Plans instructions for tomorrow. By ten i m dead. Coodnighl.". Motherhood 1986., exhausting. Dan puts me to bed then slays up studying arid. Final hits the sack himself about iwo or  they Don t see each other in the morning. Terry comes Back to life at 5, and before 6 she s Oul the door into she i attic on he Way to a Job where she writes everything from news releases to speeches or the Admiral. Dan bounces Bach up to be with the kids by 7, makes break task. Sees that the 11-year-old and live year old Are on their Way to school and kindergarten on chief Petty officer Terry Barnor Totts. Time and then he s into household chores. Hous husband. A word to make Macho men squirm he gels put Down a Little by some of the Guys says Terry. That s not a Man s of they say. So he invites them Over and says. Okay gentlemen if it s so easy try it " ,. She says Dan will do about anything but to an apron. That s where it stops. Across that Fine he will no Budge. And he won t clean toilets. No Way. Other Ihan that he s really adjusted welf. He Naver goes a jumping around with his Ftp dragging. It s because he has a goal. He knows he s going alter something thai will make our lives bet Ler. We be got this Little philosophy ii you Don t know where you re going any Road will got you there " Dan has another year before he gets his degree and. Returns to the mainstream. We thought it would be Beller this Way for the boys in these Early years says Terry especially Lorthe. Four year old to have one of us at Home.". Dan 33, and Terry have tried it both ways they married when both were in the Navy. Terry always outranked him but insists she never made him say Aye Aye a  later they both got Oul find Only Dan worked while Terry stayed Home and breast led their third child. For me that was the Lull physical Circle of being q Mother and t wanted to experience it and i enjoyed it. We were out of the Mavy for two years and Gol a in lilo poor. In Indiana where we lived about the Only jobs Lor women were As waitress and Secretary. Dan discovered he needed thai degree to gel anywhere As a civilian and i discovered that slaying Home All Day did t totally fill the Bill for me either. I can do other things Well of. I love what i m doing in the Navy,." so a couple of years ago it was Back in the Navy or Terry fan became the dependent and the censer of their universe became not he living loom or bedroom but the refrigerator door. So Many chores have to get done in a 24-hour period and they have so Little time together to coordinate the doing of them thai Check off lists things to do lists decorate the door to the food. Each of the boys has assigned tasks. The oldest is responsible for washing and drying the dishes and sweeping the floor says Terry though to never wants any of his friends to see him doing ii. And the youngest has the awesome duty of cleaning up cat  if Dan has t checked off the Wash Terry does it when she gels Home. The clothes Are folded on the Kitchen table and then it s up to each kid to pick up his pile and put it neatly away. On saturdays it s Lime to catch up on All the Odd chores and shopping which Haven t been accomplished during the week. All vary military and efficient but is it it Virtu ii might not be. A dolls Terry u h weren i Lor humor. And Iii weren t for sundays. All week they smooth out the rough places with survival humor. Funny notes in the Coffee can. Small irreverent observations on the refrigerator s to do lists. If they did t their wires might be Girt to smoke. They might turn out Belore they Ever reached sunday. They thank the lord morally for sunday when the family actually eals dinner together. The family goes to Church together goes to the Beach together. I f sunday is family prime Lime the rest of the week is coping and learning time. Terry is convinced that really it s helped us. Helped Dan to become a better alter. Helped me to get a better grasp on things be a More capable person. Asa family it s helped us to become More unselfish. It we were too sell entered to people we could t last could t handle it. A lot of couples we know have broken up because of thai. It s a balancing act. Easy to fall. Bui we be grown together. We Don t Hurt each other. He understands my position understand  motherhood 1986. Maybe not the wave of the future but for Terry and 90 other bread winning Navy mothers in the Naples area it s the big wave of right now. How does she describe herself. As feminist As a traditional woman with a dash of non traditional a twist of super Othar mixed in Terry ponders that then gives off with thai Little smile that says determination. I be never called myself anything. Labels Don t mean much. But i m three limes a Mother that s far sure and i m working.,. I guess that s it just Call me working  saturday May 10, 19b6 the stars and stripes Page 13