European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 13, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Tuesday May 13. 19b6 the stars and stripes Page 17 wedding Bells United press International be Man who recently marked said his wedding was nearly stress free " we planned in All ourselves he said. We Kepi the parents out of ii. They helped bul they did t run  this newlywed May have stumbled onto a Way to reduce the tension of weddings. As Many can testify Rorri experience. I he Celebration of marriage can be Oil remely trying. V. The Bride and Groom have High Hopes Lor the future everyone wants to have a wonderful Lime and All involved can get so caught up in planning for the wedding ii becomes More like a championship sporting event. They be prepared Lor it for so Long la s like the olympics said or. David Lelman director of a behavioural Medicine unit at Boston University Hospital. A pc Vologi to Lay the big Day itself is less significant than the dynamics 11 brings into play. Think the planning of the wedding has its unique problems Bill More important is the act of getting. Married and All that brings up for people said or. Thomas Carll medical director of the Marlal therapy clinic at the University of Michigan. What we see a lot in the clinic Are the difficulties in making 1hat powerful a commitment he said. I think More and More whal we see and this is particularly True when people have delayed marriage until their 30s is a tremendous tear of losing their hard won self that somehow i heal of gelling married risks engulfment merger haying their legs knocked out from under  men and women appear to experience i his anxiety equally he said it is especially notable among women who Are in their 30s or who Are gelling married Lor the Tirol time. They fought lined for Ihor sense of self and marriage threatens thai. Carli said. The wedding Itsell is a social ritual designed around personal taste but the planning brings up a lot of. Family dynamics.". The role of families and in Laws becomes Faculo the couple s designs versus the family s desires gets played Oul around the marriage ceremony Carli said. La s probably the first Lime a Strong underlying. In Lorn shows itself. Thai s when the lorm of the   also Points Oul that people often become distressed by changing roles and Tho Prospect of suddenly having iwo families can be equally Upsel Ting. Family members notably Parent have their own expectations and May end up fulfilling some of their own needs through their daughter s or son s wedding he said. Lelman olfers these ideas on How couples can de stress before the wedding. Set aside time to be together and communicate with each other. It s a Lime when families can pull you apart. And you Don t have Good talk time. Sometimes you lose the sense that you re in this. As a  he said set aside time Lor relaxation. Ii necessary learn relax Al Ion techniques and practice them a couple of limes a Day. Allow some i Inie to have fun. Try not to get distracted Loo much from your daily routine. If you exercise keep exercising of you re on a diet slay on it. Daily routines Are important to keep people feeling stable Leiman said. Keep in mind that it s Normal to have mixed feelings. If the tension begins to Wear on you. Don t be afraid to talk to an adviser of some son a member of the clergy or a mental health Counselor. Up photo preparing pastry fat the wedding Celebration. Still hoping for Happy Ever afters by Ellis e. Conklin United press International a s the song goes love is wonderful in second time around. But Lor the third fourth filth or sixth time. Call it boredom curiosity or just the impassioned desire to keep love fresh bul the Days of Ward and june Cleaver always coming Home together Are Over. Serial marriages have become a fact of life. The tikes of Mickey Rooney now in his eighth marriage Elizabeth Taylor and Zsa Zsa Gabor each with seven husbands to Date have Given new meaning to remarriage. Today everybody is gelling married iwo or three times Seld Gabor the hungarian born celebrity bul it is much luckier to gel married once and stay  ,. Tabor Bellavia the rigor of show business led to tier Litany of breakups it made it harder to concentrate on marriage she said. Marriage is a  Gabor added that she has always thought of herself As a traditionalist when ii comes to marriage. I also figured that if you go to bed with a Man then you marry him. But i Don l think i believe that  could she be rethinking the notion of living together Well i did t believe in ii. Now i do. I wish i would. Have thought of it a Long time ago. Darling you have to find out what a person s needs and desires Are before you marry  red doff Rooney s for end producer and agent for More than 40 years said the diminutive actor the Man who married Ava Gardner before Frank Sinatra did was in love a la All his wives and still  he s told to he never went to bed with any of them before he married  doff said and thai he s going to Kaep doing it until he gels it right " others Are not As nonchalant about their marriages one example is Irwin langs a 57-year-old Van Guys calif., accountant who is looking Lor his sixth wife. I joke about it he said i Tell people i wanted to go through All the signs of the Zodiac and then on to All nationalities. But the humor just covers the pain for langs there were two years with Joyce when he was 21, then 14 Yea Sand iwo children with Mary. Sunny lasted several years Patrice for a couple and finally Sally they broke up in 1977. Langs also lived with several women during Breaks in his marital jul Lei. The Glrst three marriages began As Blind Dales. Langs worked with his fourth wife and he met his Falih in Houston through Mutual friends. A live Lime Loer maybe. I think i must be kind of warped he said. Sometimes i Don t Tike to. Talk about it. It kind of makes you feel ashamed. You know i always thought a Nice jewish boy like me wadding Belle Zta Zta Gabor with Torg Sanden. Should get married once and become a .  by despite the disappointments langs still wants another Chance. I do want to gel married again but it terrifies me. People think that with each divorce it gels easier. Bul it s nol. Each one hurts More than the one before. You lose your con Odence. It s the feeling that the Rug has been pulled out irom under you. Langs said women Back away when he tells them about his five marriages. They turn very Distant end very cold he said. Bul 1 can t lie about it. They be got to take me for what 1 am. I m just looking to enjoy a mutually exclusive relationship  he offers some cryptic advice for those seeking the perfect Bond it s too easy to get married and Loo diff cult to get divorced.". A Beverly Hills psychoanalyst said there Are Many reasons Why some people have waded through a Parade of husbands or wives. These Are the people who just Don t like to live alone said William b. Brooks. They simply enjoy married life and people do sometimes fall Oul of love with each olher.". Brooks said Many of his clients Over the past 20 years do not feel badly about ending their marriages. They plan to keep on doing it until they get it Reghl he reported. Lindas Danjoy be nothing wrong with remarrying again and again. The owner of or Vale i.1 a matchmaking service in California s san Fernando Valley said people go trom relationship to relationship so Why not from marriage to marriage la s really quite wrong to Call someone a three or tour time  Danjoy said she is sceptical of anyone who gives up after the first tailed marriage. If you give up and refuse to try another marriage just because of a couple of allures you re giving up on love she said. Langs agrees Lor him me Hope for Happy Ever altering Springs eternal. The next one will be my first. I am a romantic and i have no intention of being