European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 22, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns some people age better than others by Paul Bourgeois staff writer i had a birthday recently. I usually have one every year unlike my Wile who simply has anniversaries of her 25th Rivir. When we first met she was a year older than 1. I figure pretty soon i la be old enough to be her lather. And it s not inconceivable that in time i m liable to be jailed for marrying and molesting a minor. I can see it in court. But your Honor i la plead she used to be older than me. Really she was hang the dirty old Man yell the jurors. Don t complain my wife says How Many Guys your age can have affairs with younger women -. Well that s something to be thankful for. Birthdays usually Don t bother me. They come and go without the to gel that afflicts Many people. But somehow this year is different. It started a few Days before the big Day when my 4-Ycar-Otd daughter asked How old i la be. How old do you think i am i asked. Ten she asked. Not quite said i realizing that we needed visual aids to put this in perspective. We searched in vain for enough birthday candles. We settled for Kitchen int chs 1 placed four Sticks on the table. Now that s How old you arc i said. Then i placed a match lick on the table for each of my years. Her eyes grew Large. He Mouth Hung open. Clearly she was amazed Well i Hope you re not Gonna put All those candles on your cake she said you la Burn it up.".-. ,.-.-. Of the pain the next Day i was Reading an article about the lifespan of the average american male. My Boss says i m the most average Guy he s Ever met so i figured the statistics in the article applied to me i was Halfway through the article when i realized i m exactly at the Midway Point of the average male s lifespan. I had never thought of myself As Ever being Middle  i figured it was one of Hose things that Only happens id other people kind of like death. But it s time to face facts. It s All downhill from Here. I m Over the Peak. I la probably never be anything More or Ever better than i am right now. A scary Prospect especially for my Boss. Deep in my heart i always figured that eventually i d become Rich and famous. I never did anything to improve my chances of course. I just figured it would happen somehow. The realization that i la probably never be Rich or famous was a Shock. I m still not sure 1 believe it. It got worse the next Day. Tread that this Guy i know just signed to Star in a couple of big Hollywood movies. I mean we were kids together and Here he is winning an emmy As one of the Best actors on television and cavorting on the big screen with Leggy Lusty Raven haired starlets with pouting lips and upturned breasts. 1 slave meanwhile in a Dusty Corner of the newsroom surrounded by unwashed doddering drooling rum soaked brain damaged editors and these Are just . How can he do this to me he still owes me Money i Lent him 5 in 1968. Thai s when $5 bought something. Hell probably want to repay me in 1986 dollars that s if he pays me at All. What  s even six months younger than 1 am but hold on. Don t get the idea that i m Calous. I m not. He s really pretty Good. He deserved the emmy even if he probably used the Reat jokes he stole from me to ingratiate himself with Tinseltown big shots. I m truly glad he s got the enormous salary the big House on the Beach the Pool the lame the glory. He deserves it. I could never play make believe in front of millions of people i Don t know no Mailer How much they d pay me and As for the sexy starlets i be got More than i can handle with a wife who s gelling younger Ever Day. A pair is fair at almost All social affairs by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners what constitutes Good manners in these situations i invited the members of our department in for refreshments. One person asked me if spouses were included. I explained that i can comfortably have 12 people but not 24, and therefore to was staff members  he replied that he would not go where his wife was not invited and stayed away. My husband and i invited a couple to be our guests at a restaurant. The wife phoned me and asked if her daughter was invited also daughter was quite fond of me Etc i was Loo embarrassed to refuse. My husband was annoyed at me and at the Bill. I invited a Friend to come and spend some Lime with us. She replied hat she never goes anywhere without her husband and would not come unless he was included. I have no reason to expect my husband to tune in with her husband. Are these liberties considered appropriate behaviour gentle Reader you Are a Little ahead of change on the social scene and bound to run into More problems of this nature unless you slow Down. Miss manners gathers that you wish her to put these people in the same category As those who insist on bringing dates wherever they go which is to say using your invitation to entertain their own guests. She is always ready to chastise such people. But your guests Are not talking about prospects they picked up last night in bars they arc talking about their own immediate families. Until a few years ago husbands and wives were supposed to go out Only As pairs. They were never invited to 3 social function separately and even an invitation to both was declined if one was unable to attend couples formed the minimum social unit and unmarried people were neglected socially unless temporary partners could be found for them. A. Rather unpleasant Trade in extra men developed. The table had to balance and never mind what it did to the guest list. All this was at Best silly and at worst tragic. Why should single people or married ones whose spouses Are unable or reluctant to attend the same events be under House arrest nor is changing this so very modern an idea. In the 18th Century it was More common than not for respectable married people to Lead separate social lives. It gave them More to gossip about together. But we cannot quite go Back to that system either. Such social life was feasible Only among people who did t work. Aristocrats could manage it splendidly and peasants did t have the time for partying. With the development of the Middle class there came to be people who Bath worked and had some Lime and Money for society. That is when the couples social scene took hold because a person who worked All week naturally expected to spend his scarce free time with his family whether going out or staying Home. That aspect is All the More important now that both spouses arc probably working All Day it is very understandable that they res Rel being asked to evening engagements that again separate them from each other and often from the children As Well. If you care about such people miss manners urges you to be open to knowing their families As Well. If you Are merely extending the work time Coffee hour relationship then confine it to. Weekday lunch time when they arc separated anyway. That would be extremely Good manners dear miss manners friends Good friends have us to dinner and if 1 Don t reciprocate within two weeks they Call for us to come for dinner again. I am in my 70s and can t plan a dinner Lor them with other friends too. I usually Wail at least a month Between dinners. What would be considered a Good length of Lime gentle Reader among friends a month is minimal. Among Good friends one does t count. Unless you Are tiring of these people miss manners urges you not 10 insist on exact reciprocity. She presumes that if they think about h at All they understand that you can t manage a dinner party thai often and simply Don t care where they see you As Long As they can enjoy your company. This is not to say that you should not show your appreciation and interest. Perhaps you can invite them to something simpler such As Tea or bring them thoughtful Little presents. And miss manners knows hat you always Send them charming notes thanking them or their hospitality and Friendship. Hive an etiquette quest Tony address letters to miss manners in care of the Stan and stripes Apo 092 Ujj us. Forces. Mar 22, ims stripes Magazine