European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 26, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                1dummagazine reflections on life in America by Yelena g. Sonner c 1986, Washington Posti am convinced that americans want peace i Lon l know about America i m not a Jjo Tajbl. Ilka he  who travel around the world on Pence mass Lens and can explain everything about rackets and so an. So while i am Foo As Rompe Penlto Jurgo Mainla inmate americana do nol want . What americans want is a House. No Mailer their place on the social ladder their salary capital inheritance winnings in the lottery or on the Slock Market. They want a House of help Awn. They want a House and the ground it Landson. And a surrounding bal of  s All. Some own a tiny House Limo a toy cottage and the Only son is in their Flower boxes Olheis have lots of bedrooms Baths. And extensive lawns. The desire to own a House is nol a class ambition in encompasses upper Middle upper Middle or lower income groups and is an expression of a National trait a desire for privacy. Even one of new Yolk s homeless huddling in a Blanket Over a grating will be insulted ii you invade his privacy. A House is i he Symbol of Independence not even a material one but some sort of combined spiritual and physical Independence. Tha american feeling about his House expresses the main trails of americans the desire for privacy and Independence. But Hal Altitude gives Rise to a third trait my House is my Pride and joy.". And from that comes my City my slate my country is my Pride and  there is no aggression or parochialism in thai attitude. It is open and kind and caring both toward the House and toward everything that it stands Tor. The soil in the Flower boxes end the lovingly ended Lawn even if it s Only three Yards Square. And i say this shows that americans care about land in general end about the whole world. Americans do not want War they wan a House. The first lady says Hal when the president retires they will sail the House in which they lived before the presidency. The children Are grown and the place is too big Lor them so they will buy a smaller House. A wonderful plan. And it s wonderful that the whole country knows it. The president does t want War he wants a new House. I also want a House in addition to my usual wants that everyone be together and health in and that there a no War. With enough land around it and no More for me to Plant Lowers. I Don l need a lot of bedrooms just one for us and one for Mother a guest room and one More so that i m always ready for our grandchildren. And i d like a room where i could at last spread out my books and where Andrei could make a mass. What nonsense i m writing i wan a House this is me. Who should be counting the Days no the hours of my Freedom to do what i want even to Type this freely to Type All my unattainable nonsense such As i want a  but you know i m 63, and i be never had a House. Not Only that i be never had a Corner i could Call my own. I started out like everyone else a Normal childhood but than came a Strenge orphan Hood father and Mother arrested and no one knowing whether they were alive or not. I lived in a single room with my grandmother brother and sister. On the other Side of the Wall we could hear everything lived a Man named Feodorov with his wife and fou children. When he got drunk he beat them. If they managed to get away they would spend the night with us sitting on the old trunk. Feodorov never Broyce into our room. He was afraid of grandmother everyone was afraid of her except me. I had my own fears of course but Ever since my parents arrest i have never allowed myself to show my dread of anything. Then there was the army. I guess there was a time when my House was a compartment in the Hospital train where 1 was head nurse. The War ended and Many people shared my room with me like girlfriends a Penoro americans do not want War. They want a  Zetena Bonnet wife of Andrei Sakharov in Leningrad after the evacuation was Over. Later we had a room in a communal apartment my Glrst husband two children my Mother and i often we had friends staying the night. There were 48 in one apartment and one toilet. Later in Moscow we had two rooms in the apartment where my Mother the children and lived end. Then we were joined by my son in Taw and then by Sakharov. I think that the first time i was mistress of my own place was it s hard to believe in Gorky in exile. Do not want Hal i want a House. My daughter has a House in Newton mass. It makes me so Happy to think thai she has a House. Her family i caught up in our affairs in our Gorky horrors and suffering and our cares. They have forgotten the pleasure of their House. I want them to go Back to caring about it. It Hes done to much for them my daughter and her husband and their Liwoch Lydren have been living in the House since their arrival in 1977. My son came there followed by his wife and their daughter was born there. Two families have shared the House in a most in american Way it was almost a communal apartment and it had almost a third family my Mother arrived and the impossibility of going Back to Russia has kept her there close to six years. Where else could she go to live in exile in Gorky my dream my own Home is unattainable for me and my family that is for my husband and myself As unattainable As heaven on Earth. But i want a House. Ii not Lor me then for my son and his family. My son and i plan to buy one. And i am learning Many new things. The House should be near Good schools my granddaughter is 3, and schooling is not far off. It should be in the suburbs vacations Are Short and a child should not have to grow up in a polluted City. It should be close to their work both parents have jobs and there is Only one can it should have a full foundation and basement. I had never known such considerations to exist it should have three bedrooms so that my Mother can be with them or at least visit it should have a room and a Bath in the basement for guests. It should have a studio Alyosha wants More than a House he needs e workroom for his  iwans. I want i want. More than the children i want. But it s Lime Lor me to pack my bags. Not tomorrow bul very soon the children live Here i live Over  time Here in the United Stales has been a. Highlight of my entire life. For instance. I Well to the Virgin islands t had never been in a climate like thai near Palm Cross coconuts Reo Lydo fall my Bare foot had never fell Sand like this. The warm and quiet sea splashed us 20 Steps away from me. 1 would Call it Paradise but Paradise is not simply a quo lion of climate or Sand or sea or even apples or pears that historical argument from the Garden of Eden has yet to be solved. Paradise is being with people you love and treasure and not worrying Aboul them. I wish Andrei were Hare. I wish my Mother could sit in a Rocker in the Shade near those Sweet sleep inducing oleanders and 1 wish i could pick up the phone once a week and hear the Calm voices of my children. Paradise it turns out is so simple end it turns  for me. Perhaps i have grown More tranquil Here. I am grateful that 1 was invited to i a Island and thai n was so simple to give me live Days Caich my Bre Alfi. To. Work and to have peace. Maybe those Days let me regain my senses to Stop losing my temper with my family of understand thai j can change nothing or Correct nothing to Slop tormenting my heart the six bypasses May not be Able to take it and the hearts of others hearts 1 love. My husband told me just five months ago god. I Haven t seen him in live months and want to be wish him so much the world is further away from War. Than it has been in a Long  i believe him. And on that score. 1 live calmly. Especially since i have More than enough horses cares and misfortunes of my own. What difference does it Matte if Gorbachev and Reagan meet in june or some other month whal. Difference Doss it make which Chhem is being Cranky first Gorbachev plays hard to get like a girl invited for a Date pouting considering i Don t know i have to think about i probably  then Reagan sounds like a jealous girl. A s her or me. Now or  a recent newspaper article set me thinking along these lines. Actually All three Are alien to me the newspaper and the two governments. I must be one of the world s least interested people in the problems that Reagan and Gorbachev Are threatening to discuss or not discuss when and 11 they meet or Don t meet. I want a House. I Don t want War. Americans want a House too. Americans Don t want War. So now with my surgically repaired Organ of testings and circulation i am writing in a hotel in new York. Which is simultaneously a City and a country and a world. I am on the eighth floor in a Corner room. One window opens on 61st Street the other on Central Park. In two directions unfolding from an Angle stretches a Panorama that needs nothing added to it. Against the Blue of the sky Are the Gray silhouettes of buildings that Pierce ii Light Gray in the Sun Darker in Shadow lines lines lines How can anyone say that new York is not Beautiful for me it is the City of cities ready Tor the future. Today 1 saw something amazing from the windows of this room. I got up Early a bit after six. The Haze of burgeoning buds barely showed Over the Trees and the grass had not yet taken on a greenish Hue. It was still yellow the color of grass shoots. And now it s noon and there is a delicate Green smoke Over the Trees and tha grass has turned Green a tender tender Green. So quickly Spring came in six hours. Lord. I want the whole world to feel this Good they say new York is at its Best in springtime. And now i m going downstairs into the City. Banner left the United states last saturday to return to the soviet Union Ana life in exile with her Stu stand and fallow dissident physicist Andrei Sakharov  by . Olmos win Moran Rai Newt Serici monday May 26, 1966 the stars and stripes Page 13