European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - June 11, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 columns the stars and stripes wednesday june 11, 1986 today s crossword let s do something Nice Tor Canada by Andy Rodney it s about Lime the United Stales gave a parly for Canada. No country in the world has a better neighbor than the United Stales has in Canada and our friends up there arc having sort of a Tough time. The Canadian Dollar is Worth about 72 cents unemployment is High Here s a scandal in their Cabinet and Canada in t getting any favourable mentions fur paying Michael Deaver millions or dollars to lobby for them in this country. It would be a Good time to do something Nice for Canada la let them know How much we appreciate their Good . For Loo Long now we be taken Canada for granted. Just look it some of the facts of our Friendship we share the longest undefended Border Between two countries in the world 5,500 Miles Long and not a military weapon pointed in either direction. There Are 70 million Border Crossings a year every once in a while a Border guard will look in the trunk of a Carlo see if someone is smuggling something or hiding a criminal but most of tie 70 million people go through without much checking. We Are each other s Best customers. Canada Sells us two thirds of everything it i Perls and we sell More Muff to Canada i Tun to any other country. Canada buys twice As much from us As Japan does. I had t realized before i looked it up just now that Canada u bigger in area than the United states. It s close but Canada has 3.849,670 Square Miles and the United states has j.623,420. The trouble with Fie Urc is that a lot of Canada s land in t usable m jul of the 25 million canadians live in the narrow strip jul above our Border because if Alliey go much farther North it i simply too cold in the Winter. They cuddle up to us far wait la. There Are places in Maine where the Border with Canaut is All but invisible. You can enter Canada without knowing it on a lot of dirt roads. As a result of the Way its population is distributed a Tot of canadians have More in common with their american neighbors to the immediate South than toothed canadians a couple of thousand Miles away to the East or West. For instance Windsor Ontario is All lied up with Detroit because it s so close. The people from Windsor probably Don t know any More about canadians from Saskatchewan than the people from Detroit do. For in american logo w Canada or for a Canadian to come la the United Stales in t like going to a foreign country. It simply in t any big Deal. Canada gets so cold thai a million canadians head for Florida for some part of every Winter and at least that Many american tourists go to some part of Canada in the summer. It must be hard for canadians not to resent us some limes. You can Tell they re a Little nervous about the possibility of having their Economy Beer language their traditions and their culture flooded out by ours. How would we feel if we lived in the Shadow of a benevolent giant How would we feel if we were swamped every Day with books movies and television from Llie country next door on the other hand Canada is silting pretty. It knows no bully can come along and fool with it while it has this big Strong neighbor on its tide. Canada also has the luxury of taking the Best the United states has to offer in culture and products and rejecting the bad things it does t want. In that sense Canadian live in the Best of two worlds. If you think you know Canada try naming their slates which they Call provinces i m cheating. I m looking in the almanac Alberta British Columbia Manitoba new Brunswick Newfoundland Nova Scotia Ontario Prince Edward Island Quebec and Saskatchewan. Good names and 1 say hurray for our friends the same other Lime i want to talk to you about Mexico. 1c try Buie Amarili scr vice never get caught spying on friends by Art Buchwald the newspaper arc full of stories concerning spies and rumours of spies. The cloak and Dagger world docs not concern i Leif Only with our declared enemies but also involves our allies spying on us As Well. It is this Gray area of espionage thai causes so much pain to everyone. The head of the Cia department involved with ferret ing out spies who work for Friendly Powers is Frank Fer ret. Frank said spying on friends is like cheating on your what do you mean by that i asked him. Beau me but in always gets everybody s attention. I think what i m Irving to say is thai there ii nothing wrong with having a ice ret Liaison until it become Public knowl Edge. Once it i blabbed ail Over Iowa then everyone de mands punishment became the cuckolded country can no longer claim it did t know what was going "1 never thought of the espionage business u a form of Only with your friends Frank cautioned me. What you have to understand is the Western Powers have a Mutual understanding that we can microfilm each other s defense capabilities providing we Don t get caught. If the word Geli out thai we re being pied on by a Friendly country then we have to show Public outrage name a Friend who has done All the Good Guy hive what happens when you catch on of the Good Guy photographing the stealth bomber our Stylc a to snot him quietly and boat him Dit Crelly oui of the United states then his country will quietly Boot me of our pie out and we 13 pretend it did t happen. Bui if Tome oae Lajti the Inry then we have a serious Why is that arresting a spy from a Friendly Power raises a lot Mare questions than it answers. Instead of praising us for catching the spy the press wants to know How Many More Are out there just like him. There is a Hue and cry in America and every intelligence Agency Halo a Hue and cry. Thai s Why we d rather not have agents of allies arrested. But the wars thing about nabbing spies is hav ing of hold a Public trial. If they plead not guilty their defense lawyers will try to Embarrass us by asking for every secret the us. Government a. They know Well make any plea bargain to avoid producing evidence in what kind of plea bargain do you offer them if the rat pleads Quill a Well give him 20 Yean in the Slammer and Promise hell be exchanged u Uon As Possi ble for one of our Guys doing 20 Yean in his country. Arc there Many spies from Friendly countries working Here i should Hope so. The reason for that in t because we have the Mosi secrets but rather because the United states a a fun country to spy on no spies want to go to the soviet Union any More because they can t drink the Doc the United states maintain Cia agents in our friends countries a Well of course we do but we Don t Call them spies we Call them Freedom age la do our Friend know that our Freedom agents Are spying on them yes but they Don t care became with tourism Way Down in their countries the Cia Covert funds Are the Only hard dollars they Are going to see this la Lei Araten to lots across 1 watering place 4 Tjw to Follower attends 12 school dance 13 bearing 14 in on?15 famous Boxer 18 theater 18 biblical Prophet 20 Goalz smelling residue 24" of Hoff mann"28 John of tap a chose 32 chapter of the Koran 33 rower s need 34 wooden shoe 36 i flier 37 King of Israel 39puuuhaven 41 straight Edge by Eugene Sheffer 46 Barrier s 4 encloses need with 60 High Home stakes is pub drink b texan 56 Gem Stone Export 67 very in ver 6 " an unities sympathy 68 education 7 authors ton s Danny or dylan9 Symbol of debt org. 59 Type of dreamer organ60 grafted her. 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