European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 3, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns coping with neighbors like playing with dynamite by John Windrow Small column let consider if you will the fallowing up dispatch from Houston Texas a 70-year-old daredevil who Calls himself Captain dynamite and explodes a coffin while he it inside in says Federal agents Are wrong to charge him with endangering neighbors because i Don t blow up anybody but myself Captain dynamite is a professional daredevil having so furled out doing motorcycle stunts 50 years ago. Cod put motorcycles on Earth to allow us a Quick easy Way to recognize lunatics but we re talking about dynamite Here so let it pass i fear Captain dynamite. There is no doubt in my mind that someday i will live Nril door to him. You scoff. You will see. Some sad Day i will have to move to Houston. A Sharpie realty Man will sell me the House next door to Captain dynamite1, which far obvious reason he has been trying to unload on some bumpkin for the last two decades. The old Devil by now has lived to be 100, merrily exploding his coffins sporadically and unannounced. The american civil liberties Union has conducted a 30-year court Battle to ensure he does not lose his cod Given right to strap on his crash helmet clamber into coffins surround himself with int and Light he fuse while he giggles with glee. His Many supporters most of whom reside in Southern California enrich a horde of lawyers who keep the lawsuit before the courts. Captain dynamite s admirers Wear Salmon coloured to shirts that Snow an exploding coffin and the words save the whales and Captain dynamite the police Are powerless to Stop him i of course am blown to Smithereens someday because my wife makes me Wash the car or empty the garbage at the precisely incorrect moment. Minute pieces of my unfortunate body rain Down on an area that stretches from Corpus Christ to Kansas City. My wife serves her right cannot collect the life insurance Money because she cannot produce a body. Remember you read it Hert first the up Story said that Captain dynamite has been t harmed with illegally storing dynamite about 18 pounds Worth. He has been released until the Case is resolved. What a comforting thought to his neighbors.1 dynamite s special number one that earned him a spot on to s that s incredible is his exploding coffin. He gets into a coffin made of paper. He surrounds himself with dynamite and Waits for the big bang. For 33 years the article said he has performed the stunt at county fairs shopping centers and sports events around the shopping centers. Maybe that s How hell kill me. I like All married men am never allowed to drive past a shopping Center. Slop the car my wife says. I need we bought three pair already this week i say knowing that All protest is in vain. Those were cinnamon beige and suntan. Today i need sea sea oat what the hell is that you Gonna dress up like a Mermaid i la die of for your information or. Hayseed sea oat goes with All the new fall it s Only Luly. Let s put in off until tomorrow. We be got the fall fashions hive been out for months. They re having clearance sales downtown right Defeated As always i pull the car into the shopping Center parking lot. She promises to be right . I Tell her not to worry i la grow a Beard while she s gone i reach into the Glove compartment and pull out my Handy copy of moby disk thai i be been Reading in parking lots fur years. What s that funny looking Van parked next to me the great Captain dynamite and his exploding coffin what .1 weird thing to pain in i Van. Kaboom too late. No now that t reflect on in i m sore i la end up being Captain dynamite s next door neighbor. 11 fits the pattern. I have lived next to a Man who had a few drinks one night and ran his Model a off into an abandoned Cistern in the Middle of a Cut Field. He escaped by crawling out of the rumble seat. He attempted to explain the circumstances but in newer made much sense. That was in Tennessee. In Missouri i lived next to a dope crazed Cowboy who collected guns and Boa constrictors. In san Diego my landlord was a punch drunk German prize tip her who had killed a Man in the ring i li1 Kepi saying he wanted to show me his left Cross. In Berkeley i lived aver a Massage parlor. Kinger Sof Paradise i think in was called. The ladies and the pimps and the customers who wandered in and out of the fingers of Paradise defy description. In san Antonio it was a mexican american who had for Gatlen Spanish and never Learned English and got mad at me if i would t discuss the events of the Day with him. All of these people weren t dangerous but they were Way Over on the weird Side. So there s Little doubt in my mind that some Day i la get to meet Captain dynamite. Up said the trick always renders Captain dynamite unconscious for a few moments and Lias damage i his hearing. But show business is in his blood and he refuses to quit. The article quoted him As saying it s like drinking a half pint of whiskey All at once. It a living. Ii beats picking when we re neighbors keep your Cotton picking hands off the dynamite Captain. Setting record straight on who picks up Check by miss manners United feature Syndicate Deal miss manners when i Wai vacationing at a Mountain resort hotel i wat re queued by another gentleman to join him and a lady Friend of his for a round of Golf at a Public count. The Green fees were paid by the hotel. After the gentleman vacation was Over and he left die lady asked me to be her gut for � round of gait at the ume court. She rented club paying for them and the Golf cart considering i was her guest and not wanting to Embarrass her i did not offer to reimburse her. Afler my vacation she requested that i return to the hotel to be her Guett for lunch. Although i was aware that she would have to pay i accepted and did not offer to reimburse her for lunch. The lady now contends that a gentleman would and should have reimbursed her and that my failure to do so was an indication of my character where Money matter Are concerned. I have become very fond of the lady and would like her to consider me a gentleman so please advise me if she is right. Gentle Reader without wishing to Dampen your enthusiasm for this lady. Miss manners suggests that she is pulling an increasingly common trick on you. We will put this Down to prevailing etiquette confusion rather than bad intentions but nevertheless it must be exposed. The Rule is and always was Hal he person issuing the invitation pays the Bills. If you subscribe to the belief that a gentleman must initiate All engagements with a lady in follows thai he pays for their entertainment. However if you believe that either the lady or the gentleman May take the Lead you have to accept the fact Hal being hostess entails the same responsibilities As being Host. Having begun a successful courtship this lady is now suggesting that she May revert to the older system and demand retroactive sponsorship of her own activities. That is not Ladylike. Dear miss manners whenever my husband and i invite a lady guest logo somewhere in our car i am in a dilemma As to where it it proper and comfortable for her to sit. I feel to make her Welcome the and 1 should sit in the Back seat together our front kit Only holds two people while my husband drives. My husband feds the should sit in the Back teat alone while i am in front with him. She could also sit in the front seat with him and i could tit in the Back alone. Which Way ii most comfortable and proper for All gentle Reader we have three possibilities Here unless All three of you sit in the Back and the car does t move. In the interest of making trouble miss manners will pick the solution nobody wants. Whichever Way you figure it there is going to be an Odd person out Here rattling around alone in the Back or front. In should not be the guest. A you Are not driving it should be you. Sil in the Middle of the Back trying not to Block the rear View and Chat at them both from behind. The arrangement you prefer suggest two ladies and a professional Driver who is expected id keep his eyes on the Road and his guffaws to himself. No wonder your husband objects have an etiquette question address inquiries to miss manners in care of the stars and stripes Apo 092ij, us. Forces. Iutf3,19k for Pitt Catalto
