European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 4, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes monday August 4,1986 columns today s crossword thinking Only complicates things by Russell Baker Jules Caesar go things done. He thought he d Tike to try to conquer Gaul so he tried and he conquered it. Everyone was amazed How in the world did you do it was the Universal question. By refusing to be distracted by minor problems he said. And he told a Story to illustrate. One Day after conquering the Hel Ortii he was hav ing a solitary lunch in his Lent while fanning a Campaign against the Belgae when the conquered Helve Tian chieftain was brought in in chains. Noticing that Caesar was eating a cold Chicken Sand wich covered with Gravy that he planned to Chase i with a Slack of Graham crackers covered with Peanut butter then Wash everything Down with a pot of calf i Natch Coffee vermin Eurix was appalled. That Gravy is loaded with cholesterol that Caff i Natch Coffee is terrible Lor your heart and people eating Peanut Butler in that Quantity could choke to death unless they have somebody standing by who is trained to do the Heimlich Man Euver said vercingetorix. Astonishing said Caesar. How do you know Tuch things i spend a lot of Lim Ludying dietary science and watching what goes Down the old Gullet said vercingetorix and you d better do the same in you want to live 10 be 135." Caesar immediately ordered vercingetorix released and sent into the land of the Belgae to preach dietary science. The next month when Caesar s legions fell upon them the Belgie were so demoralized by having to pass up the Gravy for organically grown watercress that they had Siule heart for Battle. If i be got to spend my life thinking about fodder instead of getting things done Caesar said to his Friend Brutus i d just As soon not live to be 135. It to brute you said in Brutus replied. Once Julius Caesar decided to go to England de Pitt hordes of terrorists who would have expressed their dislike of tourists by blowing them up if Dyna mite had been available. Mrs. Caesar and Caesar nephews and nieces pleaded with him not to risk it without resuming to Rome applying for insurance that paid double indemnity to heirs of terror ii victims and borrowing enough Money from Hil Uncle Fabian to make the first Premium payment. After All. They argued the English would throw Spears pm and at questions later Aracri they would surely think Caesar bad come to kill around insurance offices is All very Well for a Man s next of Kin but it s no Way to get things done Caesar said to his Friend Antony. Anyhow i go to Lour England not to Bury Caesar went. Many of his men grumbled because of the inferior sightseeing there being As yet no West Minster Abbey no Tower of London and for thai Mailer very Little London. Caesar raised their spirits by pointing out that the Lack of sights was a Blessing since it meant they would not waste Lime buying souvenirs and addressing Post cards which in turn meant they would have Lime to gel things done. Caesar remembering his family s paralysing bul nonetheless potentially profitable fear of terrorists de Decd he would try to found Lloyd s of London and would have too except for a sudden urge to try Cross ing the Rubicon. Caesar tried it and he crossed it. On the South Bank he was accosted by Cassius bosom buddy of Brutus. Julius Julius is that any Way to Cross the Rubi con asked Cassius. Caesar was alarmed by Cassius physical appear Ance. He looked lean and hungry. Caesar spoke to Cassius Cassius my boy has that quack vercingetorix filled you with Helvetia cockamamie about living to be 135 if you give up Good eating and what s this about crossing the Rubicon the wrong Way Cassius explained thai the Senate forbade generals to Cross the Rubicon with their armies. I Don t blame them said Caesar. If i were one of those overstuffed plutocrats who write the lax Laws to enrich themselves while Middle Rome and the Little Man pay through the nose. 1 would t want a can do general like me arriving Wilh a army Cassius said that if Caesar thought More he would be Able to Cross the Rubicon legally. Suppose he Cre ated a political action committee composed of Rome s richest men. These men would give Money to the senators and after Yean of being corrupted the senators would Vole to let Caesar and his army Cross the Rubi con legally. You think Loo much Cassius but not very clearly said Caesar. The senators and the richest men in Rome Are the same people. I think i try to go to Rome and make hem Swallow lax Caesar tried and he got to Rome bul nobody can make a Rich Man give up Hil lax Breaks and Caesar a murdered. Fortunately hit Brinell Brief life he had never suffered abstention from Gravy. wharf next a talking Rose by Dick West Washington up when we were children Many of us had Pel dogs to let our troubles to. But a talking Bear i doa l wish the Hasbro co any hard Luck when i. Say in May be Barking up the wrong tree by Intro dung the most talking toy on the the trouble Wilh talking it Over Wilh sophisticated toys is that they May soon have the capacity to talk if you think you have troubles now imagine what it would be like to have sophisticated toys Bend ing your ear. Today or. Doolittle notwithstanding the trend among people seems to be to talk to plants if a company really wants to perform a Public serv ice As Well As Cash in on the Christmas Market it should bring Forth a talking Geranium or a talking Rose Bush or some other kind of sophisticated Plant when or. Doolittle an English veterinarian fanta sized if i could talk to the animals and they could talk to me i m sure he was t dreaming of bears that monopolize the conversation. Maybe English vegetarians Don t fantasize about House plants thai carry on one Way dialogues either. A toy Industry spokesman says talking animals have been a constant in children play and fantasy since the Days of the ancient greeks romans and. the past 50 years he adds cartoons and Tele vision have made talking animals a most natural pan of children s but Only now according to a Hasbro official has technology made it pos Sirc to marry a child s Friend ship and love for a stuffed animal Wilh the fantasy of the first talking toys he explained had mechanical devices that made them Bulky heavy and difficult to Cany today apparently they will follow you anywhere provided you Are willing to lend an ear. And when Teddy bean and toy monkeys Start talking their Heads off can loquacious House plants be far behind by Eugene Sheffer ammo Sambuck Birds Choum Wing Quwwn naval ltr14 fencing Molny � exploit17 three countea10 county in Ireland 85 word Wil Leader or ratios besmirch 7 love of cruelty 40 Prince problem 41 roman pott41 la More or team to 47 englis Sandhill 4m group of military 4 part of a. To 81 Coello 1 Lnu hol Loc Follower s anger4 a exit authority top fashion Mode marshy Ndaw Tco Bih Gir Farage Baeume la Tenn unit 13 Haip aeon urn Uleu Down Tel Tun Inland a u climber la not vegetarian actor David Tutt feature in thick bilk 81 Puj i dig Uig Norfa 84 act Ranthony Hubert
