European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 8, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse The stars and stripes Friday. August 8,1986 columns today s crossword american tourist what s that editor s note cot Mnist an Buchwald has liken a few vets off. He left behind several columns which he found in his trunk by Art Buchwald Paris one of he rarest species in France these Days is an american Louril. No one can remember the last time the French saw one and so 1 caused a sensation when i arrived in the French capital. As soon As i checked in at the hotel George a i noticed that things had changed for americans in the last few years. First the concierge broke Imo tears Hen the door Man ran to Tell the bartender the bartender called up the chef he chef told the waiter. Everyone came Oul to Sec if it was True thai an american had checked into the hotel. They stood around in a Circle. Cost formidable " said the chef it is an american. 1 would know one the Young Page stared Al me As if i were a Man from Mars. The bartender said to him it was before your time son but once Paris was filled with thousands and thou Sands of people much like it s True the waiter said. They were everywhere. You could see them at the sidewalk cafes in the shops Al inc folic Bergere and the Lido. At one Lime there were so Many of them there weren t enough hotel rooms to take care of the Page looked As if he thought the Waller was putting him on. The concierge said he is not lying son. You could t get a Lasi because of the americans. You could t get into a restaurant or a nightclub. They had Money to the Doorman wiped his eyes As the memories came Back they were so numerous we look them for Grant the bartender Shook his head. They liked their martinis very dry the waiter said they always talked pidgin English thinking we would understand the chef said i never saw one without a they could never keep the French Money they made terrible jokes about but they had hearts of the manager finally broke it up. By this time word had Gotlin out that an american tourist was actually in the country and the press started to arrive. The lobby was jammed with newspapermen and cameramen fighting to gel near me. They were shouting questions Why did you Comet was your plane forced Down by bad weather Are you really an american tourist or do you wort for the Cia who paid you to come to trance Wilt you Grant the prime minister an audience while the press conference was going on the police arrived. The lieutenant came up and saluted. The minister of the Interior has ordered us 10 protect you while you Are Here. As the Only american tourist in the country you have been declared a National Monu ment i could t help but be touched. The last thing 1 heard was that they want me to ride in the Lead car in a Parade Down the champs sys Ces i guess i la do it for no other reason than to keep the memory of the american Louril alive. C Lea Angri 71ni look out Here comes Leo again by Dick West Washington former president Gerald Ford has been honoured for tripping Over anything that got in his Way including presumably excuses. Ford was one of two former presidents selected by the Magazine Newton pc for its nerd Hall of other was Jimmy Carter who was filed for finding it necessary to inform the electorate that he had been operated on for others on the Lisi include comedian Chevy Chase actress Shirley Madame and actor John Travolta. Chase As i recall used to do imitations of Ford bumping his head on doorways and falling Down Steps. But be apparently made the nerd Hall of Fame on his own. New look chose Chase for having apologized publicly for suggesting that Cary Gram was i Don t know whether this implies that Chase should t have made such a suggestion or should t have apologized it least not publicly. Nor do i know whether it Means to imply that the electorate should come by Cmor Hoidal information on ils own. It May depend an when you were bom. A new look spokesman says there is a Ray of Hope for world peace because according to chinese astrology soviet Leader Mikhail Gorbachev is a sheep whereas president Reagan was born during the year of the pig. The sheep and the pig can attain a perfect under standing the Magazine reports. It is just possible the sheep Gorbachev and Fig Reagan might Baa and wort their Way to peace despite the hissing and shrieking of their the United states in explains is a Monkey and rus Sia is a Snake two animals that Are too similar to get along both being cunning and As to where this leaves the nerd defined by new look As the Meek est of god s creatures and most Likely to inherit the dirt i cannot say either. I do however have some thoughts on astrology i am will ing to share by chinese reckoning pigs and monkeys Don t mix. A Snake moreover is specifically risky for a ram a male sheep. So by that Token Reagan and Gorbachev would t be in charge at All. Anyway i prefer the system adopt cd by american astrology its of dividing the year into 12 part such As Libra sept. 23-oct 22 and gemini May 21-june 20. While i Haven t worked out horoscopes for every one if you were bom under one of the following signs Here is what you can expect Leo july 23-aug. 22 House guests named Leo. They come for the weekend but stay most of the sum Mer. Virgo aug. 23-sept. 22 Leo again delays his departure to extend his visit into the fall. Scorpio out 23-nov. 21 Leo shows up again at halloween. Moral Don t answer the door if trick or to eaters Knock or ring. Sagittarius nov. 22-dec. 21 Leo is persuaded to stay for thanksgiving dinner but leaves four Days be fore Christmas. Capricorn dec. 22-Jan. 19 chinese american astrology its including Leo s hosts named to nerd Hall by Eugene Sheffer acbos81 vigor night7 Viler Cine 9 shape often12sl so n 13 in the fashion of 14 let in Balder dash in great myle18 Tina 4schibcharter part47 butter film free 48 land a penchant ment by Corral 53 assume name 54 peace Symbol Bunker . Down 1 european capital2 draw out 3 Loire or otoole4 tibetan monk5 burglar s wrote a volcanic output7 60s Rock musical8 sprite 9-Fhegreatest 17 the Venn 11 Dickens Demeteris make fitting24 cab the 1 partner 25 top the torte 2show turner1 sex 57 slalom 1� mythical19 mall of Man Uever Bird 5�tune 11 binary period Bare solution time 28 Mem. A sort20 Feudal worker22 impair 23 related27 Ninny 29 army doc3 saw 34 gave an Xor � to 35 Hump cloth 37 inter slice 38 39 and not41 got Bunker Limea deck tapper31 june honorce33 Stout so Cameo gem37 adorns 40 Khaki skin 42 speedy43 where he action b44 thought coat?b1h 49 the tops bond44 catch 4 Vale student to Hairpiece m 51 note chairman 9-8 Hubert
