European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 28, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Review oysters a Shell game you can t lose by sgt. Ret Clement Lounder september is gelling closer than the distance your average Man can drop kick a 10-Inch cast Iron Skillet a fact that is most powerfully important to those people who enjoy them Cheek tightening by valved delicacies of the sea known As oysters. Now whatever regular readers of choline might have heard in other food writings there is no authentic Oyster season. What they got is a general Rule that you Don t eat the Little Guys during summer that being the months that Don t have the letter a in them. But this is More tradition than regulation. Summer oysters do tend to be a mite Mushy what the hey it s their mating season but you can Swallow them without fear of pollution or pestilence or what have you. Hell my buddy very Vern decal eur has been eating oysters year round Ever since he got confused about the Rule and thought it was anybody who had a a in their name. Oysters have been considered solid Chow for a very Long time right Back to the ancient greeks who used to gobble them Down and then use the shells As ballots scratching on the Mother of Pearl to vote for such things As proposition Xiii and the Bond Issue to build the Parthenon. Your romans loved oysters and so did your celts and your sumerians and probably All the rest of them old Type civilizations that were around Back in the Days when Bronze was considered a very hot item. The French of course Are among the oldest of Oyster eaters calling them Huille a word that is pronounced pretty much like the sound an Oyster makes when it is being sucked off the half Shell. In total truth there Are no real French oysters anymore because the French ate them All by about 1 boo. I m being honest Here. They had eaten the coast clean and had to truck in some British and italian oysters and Start All Over again. They be come Back real Good though and today the Oyster Beds off the coast of Brittany and Normandy Are among the Best in the world. In fact the French claim that the absolute Best Are bedded Down at the Mouth of the Belon River. These Here Are not the crinkle shelled oysters you May be familiar with but smooth jobbers that sell for $4 a shot in restaurants making a dozen a  pricey proposition if you get my Drift and you re either flotsam or jetsam if you Don t. Almost All european oysters not just your Belon version Are plucked out of their Homes out in the Ocean and then put on room and Board in fattening Beds at the Mouth of a River that is flowing nut to sea. The mix of Salt water and River water has the effect on a Oyster s liver that a Case of Ripple has on yours and mine they puff up and get real Lazy. Another thing they do is turn greenish a condition that is caused by the fact that they Are eating this tiny Little Blue Green algae. The longer your Oyster stays the fatter and Greener and More expensive he gets. And if he slays out there Long enough hell weigh in at around 3 ounces what they Call a pied de Cheval or horse s Hoof. In Germany oysters Are called Austern but the Best ones Are not German at All but Are imported from France. Anybody who has been Tapa hopping in Spain knows Spanish oysters usually served on the half Shell under a Light coat of that vinegar sauce the Spanish put on just about everything. What is arguably the Best Way to eat oysters is raw with maybe a Little squirt of Lemon juice and a bottle of Santerre or Muscatel on the Side and maybe a Little Rye bread or i think Caraway seed is even better. You can just order up a do in or so or ask your waiter for what the French Call a plateau de fruits de Mer a Platter of mixed Shell fish either made up to House specifications or assembled to your order with plenty of oysters and some of them Long shrimp daddies and a crab or two All piled on ice and served up with Lemon and a Finger bowl. Of course oysters on the half Shell that have been lathered Over with a generous amount of red sauce also rank right up there especially if the sauce is the Louisiana version made with Ketchup and horseradish and Tabasco with maybe a hint of Lemon. You got to keep in your mind though that you Are not going to be finding any hot sauce in the land of the yellow headlights or most of your other european countries for that matter. Now i got to state the obvious and that is that Many people would rather Lake a beating than let a raw Oyster slide Down their Throat. Especially once they know it takes about 8 minutes before their stomach acid is going to finally put the Little Bugger out of his misery. But these folks do not need to worry because there is a Box car Load of recipes calling for cooked oysters from oysters Casino with Bacon and Sweet peppers to some of the classics like oysters Rockefeller or oysters a la florentine both made with spinach. And then there s deep Fried oysters done Southern style with a Little Corn meal coating and cooked deep Brown. A personal favorite is a Little number called Brochette d Hui tres or skewered oysters grilled Oyster and mushroom kabobs that have been basted Down with a butter and Lemon and dipped in bread crumbs. Damn tasty Chow. One of my favorite spots for Oyster consuming is la couple in Paris a Little Laid Back place in the 14th arrondissement. Lumbo Perry and me once put Down six dozen in one sitting Here a feat that had the waiter moving quicker n a Slinky coming Down the stairs of the statue of Liberty. La couple is on Boulevard do Montparnasse number 102. Overall it rates three and a half pointy fingers. Tell them jumbo sent you. Ratings b b h Fol Fol awesome eats. We re talking Paradise on a plate Here. 2 2 h 1 very Fine dining. Crack service and memorable food and drink. B b b solid Chow. Good food of atmosphere and pleasant service. B 8 decent. About equal to a Ponderosa Steakhouse. B path butt. Crummy Chow so so service Semi ratty Interior. 20 trip Al Migi Zint migtnt28, jm6