European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - September 22, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Nancy Hilins associated press he new patient Arnod in old cans and a shapeless Smock. Go pounds overweight nor hair stringy her nails Billen Down to the Quick Nancy s hands Shook uncontrollably and she had an ulcer. Four years before As a fashion Coor Umlor or a los Angeles department Siloro she had travelled the world in designer clothes meeting and dating fascinating men. She had Boon confident competent.  what  Ranslo mod her Inlo a woman who rarely loft Home mho cod of itch and Felt inadequate was neither physical nor mental illness. It was marriage to a Man she described As charming successful and dynamic to was also a misogynist a woman Haer. As she listened to Nancy s Sloy. Her new therapist d Susan for Natl. Began to feel shaky. In addition to inc usual compassion and empathy she recalls feeling something  Hock of recognition. She too was the Wito of  .1 Man who Lor years had been Chipping away ,11 her dwindling reserves of sell Worth Day by Day in Herol fice Susan inc therapist in ipod others a Cyan their self esteem at night in her self help or wives of women haters Home Susan the victim surrendered her own. On the outside she appeared confident ally Active successful. Bui she too was suffering the depression sell doubt and pain of an emotionally Bat cred woman. In Lime Forward was Able to break free of her marriage and rebuild her me. Today she conducts her own Calhan program on Abc talk radio broadcast from her Homo in los Angeles her private practice is thriving. And she has just completed a Book that she Hopes will help older women recover from relationships with misogynist. Owen who Hale women and Lite women who love them is a self help manual Lor Tho thousands of women whose misery has Boon the focus of Forward s practice Lor the past five or six years. Her research began in Earnest after she broached Tho subject on her radio program the response from women listeners was immediate and  she says. When she discussed misogyny on a docs to talk show several women Crew members rushed Over to her alter the show. Nearly All had had relationships with men who fit Tho patterns Forward described. It was then hat i realized i had a Tiger by the Tail says Forward who delved into the psychological literature in a search Lor More information finding none she began compiling her own. The finished product men who Hale women is divided into two parts. Tho first describes the mechanics of misogynistic relationships. The second Jiu ids behavioural techniques to help women become less vulnerable to the vast array of psychological weapons in the misogynist s Arsenal he explosive anger unrelenting criticism and shilling of Blamo thai he uses to control and diminish his partner. Many of the Case histories in the Book have positive outcomes although storybook endings Are rare. Forward estimates that seven Oul of 10 women Sha counsels wind up leaving their husbands. While a Lew misogynist can be helped to change i hair behaviour Forward says Many cannot. But what therapy tit 0. Susan for tin with her sell help manual Page 16 who love them  the stars and stripes monday september 22,1966 Omen can do i m very optimistic  she says they can Start to act in their own Best interest. To do so she says they must first understand the destructive patterns at work in their relationships. The classic misogynist is often a Succo Siul professional a doctor lawyer Engineer. Charming attentive and romantic he comes on Strong sweeping a woman off her feet with a swill intense courtship when i met my own husband i was an actress. Honour firs Date opened the door and about passed out Forward recalls. Charming charismatic he had Star Quality. He was like a husky Tyrone Power glimpses of trouble outbursts of temper excessive possessiveness unreasonable jealousy May also appear during courtship but they Are heeling easy for a love struck woman to ignore. In Forward s Case i know to had a temper she says. We had gone on a trip together and he had been abusive and temperamental but i saw it As a minor  later on after marriage or. Jekyll fades into the background and or. Hydo comes to Tho lore. Insults Como with dizzying regularity As the misogynist blames his wife for everything from business failures of Burnt Toast. Typically Forward writes to explodes Over the most insignificant events. Perhaps his partner forgot to pick up the dry cleaning of the Toast Camo Oul Loo dark or maybe they ran out of toilet paper. He treats her momentary fall from Grace As if it were a Fedora  in her own marriage Forward recalls Thoro d be outbursts and rare ups i d Wist myself into a pretzel trying to be what to  outwardly her husband pretended to support her decision to go to graduate school of study clinical social work. But in truth his attitude More closely resembled thai of a patronizing father. He d Call me his Little baby girl he d say. My Little baby girl is going to College. How cute " like Many women trapped in destructive relationships Forward blamed herself for har husband s unhappiness. If the Man she fell in love with was As wonderful As she d led herself to believe she reasoned his anger must somehow be her fault. What keeps such a marriage alive is the Glimmer of Hope that perhaps in the wife says and does everything just right the happiness of their Early Days can be restored. To try to fit her husband s elusive Ideal of what a wife should be the woman lakes on the impossible task of frying to please him Forward says. She cuts Hersell Olf irom All his irritants her Job hobbies family and friends. Her world shrinks to a single relationship her marriage. Still her husband mistreat her. A misogynist s victim is often a Bright powerful professional woman. They Are not schleppy. They Are nol losers Forward says. They tend to be in control of every of her compartment of their  often they Are the daughters of abusive fathers and submissive mothers who passed on a powerful message men Are allowed to behave any Way they choose. If a daughter watches her Mother submit o endless abuse she learns that a woman s role is in hold onto a relationship at All costs even Whan tha Cost is her own dignity and sell esteem. The son of a tyrannical father on the other hand sees Only two options he can abuse others like his lather. Or he can be a helpless victim like his Mother. He too. Receives messages the Only Way to control women is by abusing them. To do so he learns is acceptable behaviour perhaps the Only behaviour that will earn him his father s approval. In Forward s marriage when i began to get successful m my career that s when All hell broke Loose. Things escalated and i ended up Sabota Aina my own career  the turning Point came when she signed her first Book contract for betrayal of innocence an account of her relationship with her abusive father rather than celebrate with her husband Forward says she slunk into har Kitchen and raised her Glass of wine to a solitary Oast convinced that her Good news would Only infuriate her mate. Tha night i kicked my husband out of the House i had to finish the last chapter. Then i went into  Atler 14 years of marriage Forward found the strength to lace life on her own. I m Stilt romantic and i m still optimistic she says. I m not in Aseri sus relationship now but i know i will be again " t i =1 lds c�mof1 in 1hb knowledge that while will always have a halal attraction for misogynist i will never Agam commit my life to one. Giving up youse i is too High a Price to pay for any relationship "