European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 15, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes wednesday october 15,1986 columns horoscopes in one easy lesson Brand Rooney the Only astronomical objects i recognize Are the Sun the Moon and the big dipper but i recognize a piece of writing full of hot air when i see one. Every so often 1 have an urge to write a Horoscope column. How do these strike you astrology fans aquarius into every life some rain must fall bring your Raincoat or you might get wet try to avoid the Boss. This is the Day you could be fired. If you do get fired take some Consolation in the fact you probably had it coming. Pisces Wear your Good underwear today. You May be making an unexpected trip to the Hospital. Don t spend Money unnecessarily unless you have to. New career opportunities will present themselves to you today but you May be too dumb to notice. Aries president Reagan win sign a Bill that will affect you for the rest of your life but not much. The Stock Market May go up sharply today unless it Falls precipitously. Maintain Calm by remembering you dont own any Stock. A Rich relative will disappoint you when he Dies without leaving you anything in his will Leo you Are an orderly person and it will bother you All Day that you left the House this morning without doing last night s dishes or making the bed. Prince Charles will have a dream about you but won t Lell anyone. Be careful today in your financial Deal Ings. Don t get into any financial transaction with Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis today. Gemini a possible new romantic interest in your life is the Bank Teller you la meet cashing a Check for $25.don t allow your emotions to enter into your love affair. Ask to see his License. You will see a picture of Linda Evans and be struck by How Little you look like her especially those geminis named Ralph. Capricorn the soviet Union will do something you disapprove of today. Good for you it May rain Dur ing inc night so be sure you close the car window on the passenger s Side. Don t form any lasting friendships with anyone wearing a hair piece. It won t last Taurus you May not be Able to find a Park ing space at work today. Consider taking the lunch will be a disappointment. Try to be Nice to your Mother. She s thinking of you today although not until she gets off the phone with her Friend Betty. Sagittarius for extra Money plan a garage Sale. This will be a Good Day to sell your garage. Totally unexpected thing will happen to you today just As you thought it would. You will make an enemy in the elevator. These things happen. Cancer you will get help from an unexpected place your husband. President Reagan s form lettering answer to your angry letter will be unsatisfactory. Don t sign anything until the Moon opposes Venus. You should t be discouraged if your application for an american express card is turned Down. Virgo dark thundercloud Are forming on your horizon. Make sure you have fresh batteries in your Flash Light in Case the lights go out if you Wear glasses you will forget where you put them. Dont spend More than you earn today and if you do charge it Scorpio you will need All your Good nature and sense of humor today when someone smashes into your car in the parking lot and you learn when you get to the office that the party Friday night has been called off and that you Are being asked to take a pay Cut. Make an Effort to be Nice to others less fortunate than you. Libra try to be a nicer person today. Listen to your friends even if they talk too much. It s a bad time tomake final plans. Make Semi final plans. Don t Trust your judgment buying new clothes today. You could make another mistake like the one you Are wearing. How do you get into this Horoscope business i think i could learn to do it. C Tribune Media services fair warning to is. Kitty Kelley by Art Buchwald the word on the Street is that Kitty Kelley Frank Sinatra s unofficial biographer is now looking for another fascinating subject to write about. Well is. Kelley this is to warn you that i m not cooperating Wilh you and you re just wasting your Lime if you think you can do to me what you did to Sinatra. I be told All my close friends not to talk to you and this goes for Ava Mia Lauren Jill Victoria Shirley Angie Dinah and Waller Annenberg. Unlike Frank i do hold grudges and if i read one word in your Book about me going Skinny dipping with Madame de Gaulle in the fountains at ver Sailles i la sue. You think is. Kelley that just because i am a outstanding Public figure with a worldwide following you can steal my life Story and appropriate it As your own. Well you can t do it and it 1 am unable to Stop you i have friends who can. What if i told you the entire chilean Navy owes me a favor if you have doubts just write about the orgy we All had with Theba tics and Jaymes Brothers and see if someone does t shoot a torpedo up your word processor. 1 believe in Freedom of the press As much As the next Man is. Kelley but there Are certain things better left unsaid when writing a biography. And that includes the shouting match i had with Mother Teresa when i jumped the line in Wagshal s Delicatessen. Is. Kelley you have no More right to include that than you have to say i was one of the great ear lobe kissers of the 60s. Having read your Book about Frank i am worried that you May be More interested in scandal than history. Like Warren Burger there Are plenty of skeletons in my closet. I be never claimed that 1 was a Saint but i did alot More than fall off the Golden chairs at the White House. Behind All this craziness was a Man who knew How to make Phil Donahue cry Don t know Why i m even writing this since the Only reason you Are interested in me is because my life Sells books. Well is. Know it All just because i always too the fast Lane does t mean i am in the Public Domain. Win or lose i had a Good time and you can Check that out with the mormon Tabernacle reason i refuse to cooperate with you is because you can mess somebody up badly. You could take a Little Story about me staffing a vietnamese hat Check Girt and make it into a Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. Is. Kelley i can t Stop you from writing the Book but i will do everything in my Power to see that no one buys t think flattery will get you anywhere either. You can publish that i am the greatest in mind Bio graphical subject in the country and you can say that my married life was vivid and unforgettable and you can imply that i was a Womanizer and wildly lavish with Money. You can say i was Complex and misunderstood and it would t bother me. But then you arc going to have to write about my private life and that s when you get to talk to my the purpose of this letter is to make sure you understand that i will not cooperate with your biography even if it is a fully documented highly detailed penetrating love Story that will capture the hearts and imagination of the american people. After this warning if you insist on going ahead with the project my wife would like you to title the Book i did it your c lot Angeles tymm my Aan Moshas Sfakos. Oahu Zsoks Cone go a huh. Aurorf Shou 4mxe. Intr a Pipit moj6to, a oaths pm us. 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