European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - November 26, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 18 the stars and stripes wed Wiy november 28,1$b6 columns today s crossword Homes where the convenience is Brand Kooney there Are a dozen or so conveniences for the borne that i d like to have except Tome of them Haven t been invented yet Asfar u i know. I be been making a list when i turn off he Shower i d like to be Able to switch on blowers that shoot hot air at me until i m dry. I like a Good big Towel but it s Bard to leave i someplace outside the Shower where i can reach it without gelling water ill Over the bathroom floor. I anyone so Rich that they have a garage equipped with a ear Wash Why not every night when you put the car away the Washer would go on automatically As you turned out the lights. Every morning you d go out to a sparkling clean car. I would be wonderful to have a dining room table thai would lift straight up and be conveyed tothe Kitchen on some kind of overhead rollers. In the Kitchen the dishes and leftovers could be cleared from the table. It then could be reset for dessert and returned with another push of a Button to the dining room. Why Don t we have dry cleaning machines in our Homes just the Way we have washing machines As far As i know about the Only difference is washing machines work with soap and water and dry cleaning equipment uses some other fluid. I be always wanted a table that comes Down out of the ceiling next to my Side of the bed. A table big enough to hold All the things i like to keep next to me is in the Way when i want to get in or out of  the whole mess into the ceiling is the Only solution. I fail to understand Why it s so expensive or impractical to have a swimming Pool in the basemen of a House. I think it s because most swimming pools Are added to houses after the people who live the remake big Money. A basement swimming Pool should be built into the House when it goes up. In the Ummer it would be fun to have outdoor Spoti in front and in Back of the House to you could take advantage of the Sun no matter where it is. The two pools ought to be connected by a Channel making it possible to swim from one to the other. It might be practical to cover the Channel so you could Watt Over it. It certainly would be convenient if the table by the ride of my big chair in the Irving room was equipped with faucet from which i could draw hot Coffee Perrier Coke Beer lemonade Tea or Bourbon depending on my mood. This setup would Lave me a lot of trips to the refrigerator in the Kitchen. T want a Strong Light in the ceiling aimed Down at every chair in the Home so that anyone who tits Down in read easily from the chair without fussing with a lamp. I m tired of lamp m tables next to Chain that throw a Circle of Light that Falls 18 inches Short of covering inc newspaper tin trying to read. For our next Kitchen floor i d like Small tiles that sloped to a Drain in the Middle of the room. The Kitchen floor could be washed with a Hose. Our old refrigerator had the Freezer Section on lop and the regular Section on the Bottom which was inconvenient our new refrigerator has the Freezer on the Bottom and the regular Section on lop. It a improvement bul what i want is a refrigerator Freezer that s lateral instead of up and Down so that both Hie Freezer and the Normal temperature compartments Are at Eye level. I want a Tittle elevator or a dumbwaiters in the House that goes from the basement to the Kitchen an upstairs to the bedrooms. Once in gels upstairs it would be Able to traverse laterally with an opening for delivery in each room. Every bed should have a Telephone on each Side of in not just on one Side. And the television set should be installed in the ceiling. Now is time for White Collar crime Byar Buchwald if you have committed a who Smollar crime or Are thinking of committing one now is the time to do it. The reason is that the Justice department has run out of Gas and is willing to Settle with anyone who seems to have gotten Imo rouble. Trinka a lawyer for the american while Collar criminal defense league told me that this is the Best time to make my Deal with the government attorneys. But i Haven t done anything 1 protested Trinka said they la give you a Good Deal anyway. I have a client who flies around in a helicopter doing to commercials telling everyone what a great coun try this is. He bilked his stockholders out of a bundle and was fined Given a censure and suspended from playing Squash for 10  what s such a Good Deal about that the government agreed not to Stop him from doing i helicopter  bul he manipulated Stock. I did t do anything. Why should i try to make a Deal with the govern meat this is the Opportunity Oft lifetime. Meese boy will Roll Over for a White Collar  Why is the Justice department so easy on White Collar criminals because they re pro family. Almost everyone who commits a while Collar crime has a family. Do me a favor let me go Down and talk to them. I know they re in a Good mood. What have you got to lose "1 keep telling you i did t do  you know Ivan Boesky violated All torts of Laws on the books. They stuck him with a $100 million  that s a lot of  to you that s a lot of Money. To him it s less than what he puts in parking meters every Day. Besides now that he s turning state s evidence there s a Rumor the government is going to redecorate his House in Palm Springs Calif. That s Fine for a Weslty but i still can l figure what s in in for me if i co Feu 10 committing a Felo  it won t be a felony. Well see the Justice people and if you act contrite they la Knock it Down to a Misdemeanour and give you a Seyen Day Caribbean cruise on the  re Juit saving that because you re a  i m looking alter your interests. I be never known White Collar mind settlement to be so easy to get. We won t see anything like this again i was losing my patience. But i Haven t committed a  said then go out and commit one so you can take advantage of their Sale. Let me plead  no Way. Even if you could make a Good Dea with the feds i Don t want my name in the  did i Tell you that if you commit a White Collar crime on Wall Street before Christmas they give you a ticker tape Parade Down Broadway but if 1 plead guilty to a White Collar crime which i dins commit Wool the other White Collar Crimi nals gel mad at me Why should they when every american in entitled to equal pie bargaining under the Law nit moot Frump. 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