European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - December 11, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns beware of friends bearing dangerous gifts by John Windrow Magazine editor i had � Cousin once who gave his two Small boys Superman suits for Christmas. The Blue Long Ohns the big red s on the Chest the capes the work. They were overwhelmed. The boys leaped into their Man of steel outfits and i Hen faster than speeding bullets they raced outside to play. Inside of 30 minutes they appeared at the Back door. With their outfits in rips and tatters their faces scraped and bruised their Knees and elbows bleeding their Teeth shaken Loose. Send Emback to Santa Claus one lad said. We Juit jumped off the barn three times and these things Don t dangerous gifts that s what they turned out to be. It s the time of year for self appointed critics of All sorts and persuasions to release their Lisis of dangerous toys for lots. They warn of Small parts thai May be swallowed cords that can strangle Sharp edges toxic ingredients and Blunt instruments of All types. My favorite so far this year is the Battery operated roller Skief. A radio report i heard Siirid tie skates can do 20 Mph and some people Nufi concerned about it. I la say. One of my girl cousins tried to teach to to roller stale when i was 10.1 left Small pieces of myself an Street signs Telephone poles and smew.ilk4.jll Over town. If a parked usable i finally brought me to a Hall i might be rolling around even now bloody and battered. I can scarcely imagine what someone could do to himself at 20 Mph. Must Cost a Fortune to recharge the batteries. Another toy on the Bah Humbug list is puff the magic dragon by Avon products. A Boston lawyer who makes his living with liability suits Over dangerous products says purr spews out Talcum powder when hugged and some kid might be harmed if he inhaled puff s powdery blast. Seems like anything you give a kid these Days hell try to inhale it or smoke it. Avon says puff is harmless if inhaled. They did t anything about smoking him. As a Public service i would like to publish this list of dangerous items that i played with As a child. Avoid giving them to anyone you like. Crape soda bottle. A Little girl named Delight Grimmer lured me into playing spin the bottle with a grape soda bottle when i was 12. We had a merry time of it until a Lough Guy named Ivy Delong happened by. He thought Delight was his sunday girl and even though in was tuesday Ivy pummelled me for the longest time. Delight ran away from Home shortly after to become a carnival Geek. Ivy had a change of personality and is now a Hairdresser in Memphis. Look for or. Ivy s House of tresses the next Lime you re there. I was left with painful memories of what might have been. To this Day i Don t care for grape soda. Chewing tobacco. My Cousin Aussey and 1 received some chewing tobacco one Day on the school bus from one of the big Guys in the eighth Grade. We tried Lochew in at school. Aussey swallowed his and painted the Walls purple during american history. The contraband was found on us and we had to slay after school clapping blackboard erasers together for weeks. I seriously think All that Chalk Dusl did something to my i Ipi Malory system. Rocks. We often played with rocks. Aside from gelling bonked on the head More than once i had the misfortune to break a window belonging to the head of the local draft Board. When the big lottery came around on my 18th birthday my number was in the Low 20�. I Don t think this was coincidence. By Guni. My Cousin Willis got a by gun one Happy Christmas. When i visited he dared me to run through the lot where his old Man Kepi a Brahma Bull named Leroy. Leroy was asleep on his feet at the time so i chanced it. When 1 had gotten exactly half Way across the Field and was at my nearest proximity to Leroy Willis fired a by into his sensitive nether regions. Leroy s eyes opened like electric lights popping on and saw me immediately before him. I spent a cold afternoon hunkering in a razor Sharp Bramble of Blackberry vines and honeysuckle. I will not even attempt to describe the tenors thai transpired As Leroy chased me into in. Pet Raccoon. I got a pet Raccoon named zip. No one told zip he was a pet. Determined to turn him into my faithful Friend i stayed covered with Loolah prints and claw Marks until fortunately for me. Zip killed All my aunt s chickens and was returned to his natural habitat. Pel to Urreli. The same relative who gave me zip Felt sorry for me when he was taken away. He presented me with a Squirrel smaller than zip but More ferocious. Thank god he escaped. Firecracker and mud. During the languid Summers we amused ourselves by playing with firecrackers and mud. The idea was id pack the firecracker in a mud Ball Light it and hurl it at your nearest playmate. Then ii exploded showering him with Muddy shrapnel i never mastered this. The firecrackers either refused logo off or exploded immediately before or immediately after i released Thorn. It was bitterly frustrating. Most of these things were not Christmas gifts. For Christmas i got Hunting knives hatchets a Rifle and several shotguns. I Don t recall Ever hurting myself with any of them. Grammy will finally have her Way so be Cool by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners my Mother wants our children to Call her my wife and i do not particularly care Tor thai name and would prefer to use one of our Choice . Grandma we hive not said anything about this to my Mother yet and we wander i you could help us in Thil Nutter. Gentle Reader no. Miss manners knows better than to tangle with grammy. She also knows that the Issue has come up Over your first child. New parents always have the beautifully naive idea that they can arbitrate everything in the child s life beginning with nomenclature. For cd amaze hey will always decide How the child will be addressed no nickname or a specific one. Jeremiah will never be called Jerry they inform their friends haughtily. They and those they train Are careful never to say anything lest than the full name. Then the child i exposed to other children. And sure enough a few of them Don t Call him Jerry they Call him Stinky. So go ahead now while you can and propagandize to your baby about what you want him to be called and what you want him to Call you. Good Luck to you ii might even Slick. But for heaven s Sake allow the same Opportunity. Even if you could be the Only influence in your children s lives you would not be doing them a service. Dear miss manners i maintain that under no circumstances should dinner party guests arrive even a few minutes Early but rather at the appointed hour or preferably a few minutes later. My spouse it of the opinion that it is acceptable for gun i to arrive slightly before or on the hour your advice please gentle Reader a great Many hosts would like to have your problem. Their guests show up hours late and since they Haven l even answered the invitations the hosts Don t know when to sit Down and at or even when to give up and go to bed. But yes it is better to arrive a few minutes after the hour than before. Eight minutes past the appointed hour is Ideal. Twelve Wilt also do. If guests should happen to arrive before the Lime specified and you Are not quite ready you May apologetically finish whatever you need to do provided you insist that you Are especially pleased to have a Chance to talk to them alone. You do not actually have to sit and talk with them you understand. It is perfectly All right to say How wonderful that we shall have a few minutes alone together before resuming upstairs to change out of your Bathrobe. Do not have any fear that this will encourage them to pull this trick again. Deai lbs manners 1 an it my Wolf end but you a not if Ibert any Thoni you pm do for to tote of i who debt robbed in new Wayl in the pad two wed i have been to a concert no vhf a protestant wedding and a Catholic maw. I a robbed i was near people the each Ritualo Owh talked whispered giggled or otherwise noisily communicated with each other throughout the program. Thai is utter disregard for the presence of other people with no thought thai any kind of Public Courtesy it it peeled of Ibern people on All tides who also want to Pray worship listen or View Are under obligation to yield to these if Eves of concentration. I have protested once at the movie once at a concert Bill rude Tares and Giggle arc the major result without any a Elution of the now naung. Rather than single Metr out far further Uncle Auntney i too have subsided with the pail be majority who find i impossible to Deal with thai kind of robbery. A there anything at All you can do to speak up Tor it Sawken once ribbed non molten of Dean air. They have been slopped. Gentle Reader no they Haven t. Lots of people Are working on it and the problem is indeed similar. But the principle thai the right of people not to be intruded upon has precedence Over the rights of the intruders seems to be a very difficult one. This is partly because the victims puffed with righteousness and perhaps versed in the latest self assertion techniques often neglect to be polite to those whose ways they with to change. By attacking smokers rudely and directly the non smoker in fact concede that the sides Are even. With noise As with smoke the proper procedure is to show politely that it is not an even contest. I m sorry i m afraid your talking smoking is bothering me is one Way establishing rules with the authorities an announcement from the pulpit or stage or Ais Gnong people to tap the a Bounden of. Offenders and quietly ask them to continue of tide is another. It Tipitt of tint duct Mytr if 1996
