European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - December 15, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse The stars and stripes monday december 15,1988 columns today s crossword Cabinet in need of on overhaul by Andy Rooney now might be a Good time to overhaul the Cabinet. First we should change members title. They should t be called secretaries because it makes them sound As though they do the president s typing. Every big corporation a dozen or so vice presi dents so Why not Call All the Cabinet members vice presidents that would leave us with the problem of what to Call the vice president but considering what he docs it might be More fitting to Call him a Secretary. The Cabinet consists of 12 secretaries stale Treasury transportation defense Interior agriculture Commerce labor health and human services housing and Urban development Energy and Edu cation plus the attorney general. Some of those names need rewriting. Health and human services is Clumsy and bureaucratic sound ing. What about the Secretary of people housing and Urban development is a suspect title too. You just know that eventually someone ingoing to demand a Secretary for housing and suburban 1947, the War department became the defense department and the Secretary of War became the Secretary of defense. Obviously someone decided War sounded too warlike. The department is still in charge of waging War but defense sounds better. You might think that if our head Legal person is called the attorney general our chief military rna would be called something with general in the title but he in t the most important Cabinet Job i Secretary of state although state never Seemi like the right Job description. If we have a Secretary of the Interior who deals with problems in this country the Cabinet Mem Ber who deals with foreign affairs logically would be called Secretary of the most countries we Deal with Call the person in that position the foreign the word foreign makes More setae than the word the i some o naked also. Elizabeth Dole is Secretary of transportation but no one can do much with our transportation system since we Don t have one we drive instead. If we an effective department of transportation the Auto Mobile Industry and the airlines would t stand for would be bad for their business because it would be developing Good railroads that would Lake take us everywhere quickly and cheaply. The department of agriculture does t seem to be doing anything that pleases the Farmers either an educators Donl often approve of the Secretary of Edu cation. Cd Tribune Modia sri Mivi Audi he i department of Energy is being phased out and f the other Cabinet positions could be Eli i a Jester of Triumph gets his kicks by James k1lpatrick a sportswriter for the associated press in Baton Rouge undertook to describe the Happy scene As a place kicker for Louisiana state University clinched Gridiron Victory. The kicker threw his arms up in a Jester of hoho not funny pal. That was a gesture of Triumph. Errors of this ilk turn up with distressing frequency in our news and advertising columns. They arise from inattention or from the reluctance of sluggard writer to Check a doubtful spelling or from just Plain Igno Rance. A dozen horrid examples have piled up. United press International last year reported a boating Accident that left passenger pal Mccarty clinging to the that s the Bow that rhymes with cow the Miami Herald quoted a rhetorical question from a retired athletic coach what Good does it do you to horde the knowledge you pick up through the years next time try the homophones pour and pore give unceasing trouble. An investors newsletter told of a gentleman in Milwaukee who starts his Day pouring Over the morning the Spokane Wash spokes Man review reported that a professional coach spends Many hours pouring Over wet paper wet film. Peak and pique no to mention peek also cause problems. An advertisement for Toro Riding mowers seeks to Peak your a Reader of the Seattle time says that Pellet stoves have peaked our in fort Pierce ha., a headline writer for the news Tribune looked Loo quickly at a Story about a real estate Deal "u.s. 1 Corner lot peeks enough interest can indeed be peaked As it uses to its highest level. Before our interest peaks it to be Massachusetts the american automobile association listed members of an Honor in Cleve land the Plain dealer covered drug peddling operations in Philadelphia up1 reported a Small riot allowing the mets failure to win a Pennant clinching game a 24-year-old was arrested when he refused Well Good Drivers strive for an Honor Roll criminals peddle drugs and while a crowd can be dispersed i doubt thai an individual mets fan can be dispersed. Hard to know what to do with a Mela Faa in Boca Raton Fin Streb s Steak House published an appealing and wet your appetite the restaurant was t pushing cocktails it was pushing lobster crab and prime rib. In fort Collins Colo the coloradoan provided business item about Eagle snacks a subsidiary of an Heuser Busch. Eagle thanks to a Well healed Parent the resources and staying Power to Battle the big in Detroit an investors publication noted the Swift Rise of Alc communications corp on its heals Are five other extremely fast growing Michigan 100 a Well healed Parent in t a Rich Parent it s papa getting Over an operation. From a West coast newspaper no otherwise identified comes a Story about a professional guide. Hundreds of sportsmen Are clambering for a reservation on one of his fall Hunting trips for Elk or to clamber is to scramble awkwardly to clamor is to cry loudly and insistently for something. In Portland ore., a reviewer words of Mil Praise for a Book on How to get organized. Actually this is a Rah Rah kind of Book designed to motivate people to clean up their act for their own piece of mind and for those who live with an editor owed that reviewer a piece of his mind. In the letters column of Newsweek Magazine a French correspondent spoke of that imminent French environmentalist Haroun something imminent is something threatening an imminent storm an imminent danger. M. Tarzieff presumably is eminent. More Power to Nim. A full Page advertisement comes to hand from Byan the lower Caseb is thought to be Classy a High toned designer for its 18-Karat Bracelet watch lined with diamonds been sold out for 1986 but requests for 1987 Are no being How can and agencies do such things does no executive at the a capitalized Bijara know How to spell a tipping also is at hand from the Connerville find news examiner reporting Good news for the local tire department. Moose Lodge no 1160 recently purchased a heavy duty 8,000-Pound wench for installation on Rescue 21 anything to nuke the boys Happy at the firehouse. Tam it by Eugene Sheffer 39 classic. 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