European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 7, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns Public speaking Ain t what it used to be by John Windrow Maguinez editor the trouble with writing a weekly column is this people May begin to think that you know what you re talking about. Ray Woods who leaches 5lh Grade at Mainz elementary school recently fell into that trap. He asked me to be a judge at his Oral Reading contest. Kids would be Here from All Over Germany. I Wen to the managing editor and asked him if he wanted me to go. He perused the letter with his feet propped up on his desk. Co to it he said. But be careful what you say. There la probably be lot of Well educated people hire and you Don l want to look  he gave in a Long look. As a matter of fact he said it d probably be better if you did t say anything at Alle Cpl your  so a couple of weeks ago i drove Over to Mainz and started walking up to people saying hello my name is John  t did t gel much o a reaction until i finally bumped Inlo Ray Woods. Ray was pretty Busy. He had to Deal with the 20 anxious contestants the More anxious parents and All the hangers on who had shown up for the big Day. To was Loo bad Ray was so Busy because i wanted to talk to him about the signs i d seen plastered up on the Walls of the school. When i was in grammar school the signs on the Wall said stuff like Don t even think about it or so who asked you pm or wait until we Tell your daddy about  evidently someone had Given the kids at Mainz a free hand regarding signs in the hallway they were much More humane. One was All about Kittens and mittens. Another dealt with cowboys. My favorite Hung Over the water Fountain. It read please Don t  while trying to get some water without falling on my Knees it occurred to me that i had been in a Public speaking contest of sorts As a lad. My sainted 7th-Grade, miss Pauline told us no one could go on to Grade 8 without reciting a poem in front of the entire class. She old us this on the first Day of school so we d have plenty of time to get reao"y.1 was very Cavalier about the whole thing until Well past Christmas about the Middle of april i broke Inlo a panic. Finally i put to memory a poem from a Pogo cartoon strip Albert the Alligator Sang it while he played the Banjo. Of i was eating some chop suey with a lady from stint Looey when i sudden hears a knocking at the door and that Knocker he says Honey Roll this Rocker out some Money or your daddy shoots a Baddie to the floor the class cheered but 1 got a d. I did make it to the eighth Grade which was no great shakes either As far As my performance was concerned. I sauntered in to judge the contest along with four ladies three of them educators and me older a Public spirited to Filien from the Mainz military Community. All of them seemed to know one whale of a lot More Abirl whal they were doing than i did. Like everything else in life it was harder than it looked. The main reason for the difficulty was this they were All pretty Dern Good. Relying on my own meager experience i had assumed there would be Lois of blushing stammering and forgotten lines. Many a maladroit recital hat s what i expected from 5th-graders. Miss Pauline would have us recite a Bible verse every Day. My buddy Oscar got up once to say Jesus wept the shortest verse in either testament. During the time he stood up he forgot it. I thought All kids were that Way. Will they Aren t. The first Little girl read from Anima farm by George Orwell the part where the horse is being hauled off to the glue factory. There was a catch in her voice when she read it i Wai practically in tears. I applauded vigorously when she finished. Then i realized i should have been scoring her All along on introduction curly pacing pronunciation. Interpretation and the Quality of selection. There was one question that said. It the Reading holding the listeners attention it held mine so Well i forgot to Grade her. 1 hastily started putting Down scores High ones i started noticing a Peculiar metamorphosis in every kid. Sitting on the chair awaiting Ihler turn at the podium they were nervous. They squirmed wiggled witched clenched their fists pulled Al heir hair made faces and agonized probably thinking about How wonderfully everyone else was Reading. But when the big moment arrived they Drew t deep breath marched to the front of the room introduced themselves and read like ban Ymores. Their voices swelled their gestures turned prettily with the precise phrases they stammered not nor did they stumble. 1 kept scoring people higher and higher then raced Back to the earlier ones erased the scores and replaced them with yet higher ones i was especially concerned about the Little girl who read from animal farm i must have changed her score six times. One boy read about pulling girls pigtails and the world of trouble a kid can get into for that. The hero of the Story found himself Silling behind a pair of talking pigtails that kept pleading. Pull me big Guy pull me of pull me harder. He succumbed and suffered for it. I found this particularly moving having Sal behind a similar coif Feur for nine months in 1958. They announced the winners who were saluted with Alt proper ceremony. I could t argue with any of the selections even though my animal farm and Pigtail performances came close but did t win. They All did considerably better than my pal Oscar when he finally recited his poem thai last Day of the 7th Grade. A strode manfully up to miss Pauline s desk and loudly recalled Tiger Tiger burning Bright in the Ballpark of the night they can run and Field adroit Why no Pennant for Detroit it was such a smash he was held Over for a repeal performance the next year. Affection takes Back seat to Comfort in sports car by miss manners United feature Syndetic dear miss manners one Day while my Boyfriend Ami i Wen passing by hit old apartment we spotted do owner of the building an elderly couple. We topped the car and convened and while we were talking the but passed by and they missed it. So we offered them a ride downtown and they accepted. My Boyfriend hat Small sports car. T remained in the front passenger seat while he helped them Inlo the Back. Should i have offered to let the lady lit in the front or should i have Sal in the Back with her and Ether husband sit in front or was it Okas it was i did t want to appear disrespectful or unpolished but i figured they d rather sit together. Gentle Reader when you Are older you will realize that no amount of conjugal affection makes elderly people want to sit in the Back of sports cars. You should have offered her the seat up front. Dear miss manners what should a healthy Able bodied Young woman seated on a crowded Irain do when a Phy in Fly handicapped Man with leg Brace and unit the in Hii mid-3to or to Entell should the offer her teat and risk injuring hit Pride or should the remain seated and let him ride standing i offered my teat and Wai politely refuted making me wonder if i Shoutd have Taid nothing. Also what if the bed Way to Convene with a colleague who hat a Tevere flutter should