European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 21, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns living High on the hog with calorie free fat by John Windrow Magazine editor there s Good news for modern Man. From the we s of the associated press Cincinnati the Proctor Gamble co. Fust approval of 3 calorie free it the firm has been developing and letting for 20 a irs. The proposed Brand name for the product unlit now refer real to As sucrose polyester r s old St. My heart took wings Wilh the news. It looks Ike i May finally be allowed to have my fat and eat it too. Nature is cruel there s no other Way to look Al it. Nature gives us a veritable Cornucopia of wonderful things like Beer Brandy Cigar Elles cigars chocolate Tenor tie Fried Chicken cheeseburgers Strawberry Shortcake whipped Cream sausage biscuits White Flower sugar real Butler red meal and animal fat. Wonderful delicious succulent toothsome reals that can go a Long Way toward Laking the Sling out of Day to Day living. Every single one of them is bad for you. They scar Rhc liver Congo i he arteries sour the Lomath clog the kidneys Burn up brain cells Well the stomach and fatten the hips. What s Good for you what restores the brain tells purges the digestive in re Elim Nalory systems Smeekens the skin clears the eyes invigorates he brain and strengthens the entire Corpus fish bran nuts and berries spinach Brussels sprouts Green peas liver raw onions and All things raw Crunchy Green ind unpleasing a to the palate hat s what. What can one say of a world where a Jug of red wine and an enormous plate of Spaghetti awash Wilh Butler Olive Oil and Cream hoes one ill but Carrot juice and Yogurt does him Good it s a world tilled with woe Hal s what one says to quote my Lale Uncle Clarence you can live to be 100 if you give up everything thai makes you want 1o." for thousands of years nature the Strumpet has been having her Little joke with us. Mother nature Here kid taste Iii Mere mortal my my my that certainly is Fasly a filter nmutt1 a top saw a More , help yourself. Mere mortal of i nit what s happening to my Midriff Mother nature a leh sch Helt. Now thanks to american guts brains and know How Well Itaw calorie free Salute the folks at Proctor & Gamble and urge All right thinking people everywhere to write the . Food and drug administration demanding that the calorie free fat be approved immediately. Except for the fact that in kills people fat is nature s most perfect food. Fat makes everything Talp better. When 1 was s boy growing up in the wilds of Tennessee my Grandfather had a Cook named Edna. She was the Only person i Ever reel who could make vegetables Laste Good. Her Sucre of Pound after Greasy Pound of lard and fal. Edna never threw fat away. She kept a great icon Container on top of the stove and poured All things precious of her Art into it beef fat Fatback Chicken grease oils lard sausage drippings and extra shortening then when called upon to Cook vegetables she did it with style and grease. Butler Beans covered with melted Buller blackened peas and Ham scraps carrots rolled in grease. Suppose one gave her asparagus a food fit Only for bovines and challenged Edna to Render it edible Edna loved a Challenge she thrived f n ii. So she took asparagus and soaked it in Butler disguised in with hog fat wrapped in in and covered in with bread crumbs and Gravy. People relished it consumed it and screamed for More. Why because it did t taste remotely Ike asparagus that s Why. I actually grew up thinking vegetables tasted Good just Tike sausage anti red Eye . J thought Corn tasted like Butler peas tasted like Ham that All things from the Garden lasted just like fat. Imagine my disillusionment when t grew to manhood and went out into the world. In the outside world Lille Effort is made to keep vegetables from lasting like Ilu selves. Usually the belter restaurants will obligingly provide a Gravy boat filled Wilh melted butter for smothering the last of whatever vegetables arc on the table. Melted Buller of course is exceedingly bad for people. Ask arty nut. How Many Days have 1 longed for Edna and her indy pot of animal fat to make Rny meals appealing Edna would probably disapprove of any artificial fat that tastes like fat looks like fal and greases the digestive tract like fat but does t make one fat. A septic who never strayed far from the natural world she would condemn it As unnatural and somehow against cod s plan. The concept is absolutely revolutionary when you think about it. Pleasure without pain. Dancing without paying the fiddler. Amusement Wilh nor amusement lax. Evelyn Waugh s novels Are filled Wii i delightful dissolute characters who drink themselves silly but never seem to have hangovers. A charming idea to some but one that flies in the face of All human experience. For As we Are All taught from childhood any True enjoyment especially Gleeful abandonment has its Stern Price. Calorie free fat turns All of this upside Down. If modern science can produce calorie free fat Why can t we have a world of similar products can booze with vitamins be far behind How about Green pea. shakes liver thai tastes like ice Cream and fish that smells like peaches i tremble with anticipation yet deep Down i m sceptical. It simply must be too Good to be True. The name of this calorie free fat unnerves me. Sucrose polyester. Polyester is what they make baggy Slacks out of. Does this mean someone is melting Down mountains of worn out trousers and turning them into calorie free a if so i know the inevitable result some scientist somewhere will figure out hat calorie free fat is bad for people. After All reports Are always surfacing that artificial sweeteners and Coffee creamers Are nol so beneficial. Maybe it would be better to Slick with the real thing. If calorie free fat does get on the Market Don t Call it old Sara. Let s Call it lard Lite. Turn the other Cheek with a smile to rudeness by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners what is the proper response to people who make rude gestures while driving usually this is done after they be done something stupid i presume in is to cover their embarrassment. I would deem it a great favor if you could advise me Aslo a proper response preferably a contemptuous yet Pussy wordless response since All concerned arc in cars without resorting to the same kind of action As the perpetrator. Gentle Reader drive on. Miss manners regrets to say that there Are no genteel hand gestures that say no there s no Classy Way of putting in words either. But even if there were you know miss manners does not allow responding to rudeness with rudeness. She suggests you Bow your head sideways Wilh a wordless smile going up the right Cheek Only. What that says is How charming of in is More effective than whal you had in mind dear miss manners at leveral weddings i attended recently when the ceremonies ended and the Happy couple were pronounced husband and wife the congregation broke into applause. I find this most distressing. Am i being prudish lust when if id this sort of thing Start gentle Reader when the society decided that the highest and most important form of activity in could imagine was entertainment. Miss manners is not against joyous enthusiasm at weddings but believes in should be expressed although nut with applause at the reception thai follows a dignified service. But i Hen miss manners was never the least bit ashamed of being prudish about such matters. Dear miss manners recently my wife and i were invited to travel across country and stay with her Tutor and brother in Law Lor several Days. They generously nude their Home ours in was a wonderful stay. However Here was one nagging problem. The guest bedroom was outfitted with a hide a bed that had 4 rather thin mattress and was distinguished by whal Ell like several Iron girders As its Springs. The slay was restful and smooth in All respects but nol the bed. Should we Alert them to this fearful that it would be taken As so negative a message As to overpower anything we might a by Way of appreciation it wot left unpaid. We Are certain they do nol know and even though friends whom we have consulted about fit have suggested that perhaps they intend for Illo be the Way to limit their guests stay we have been unable to uncover any facts to substantiate this. Ii also occur to i that Moil hosts have probably never tried their own guest accommodation and would therefore nol know such 4 problem exist Litt proper to make them aware of this and if so How is it correctly and delicately done gentle Reader in the etiquette business we Are required to recommend to All prospective hosts that they occasionally spend a night in their own guest rooms even to the sacrifice of using the bathroom facilities they provide for guests. Miss manners own solution has been to Grill her frequent House guests. Whal they have done is to protest How Lovely everything was Shower her Wilh compliments and i Hen mention that the bedside lamp did t work and the Light in the bathroom was t enough to shave by in safely. Not willing to believe in the Host who purposely tortures guests. Miss manners assumes that your family would Welcome useful feedback tactfully put. An essential of lad is to separate the criticism from the expression of gratitude. Since these Are close relatives you can surely write icat More than one letter Tripti i Givine my 11, i9b7
