European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 2, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns give me Java every morning else i die by John Windrow everyone has hit passions. I am a slave to Coffee. There Are worse things than being hopelessly addicted loan acrid tasting beverage that has no nutritional value whatsoever. After All Coffee is Legal does t Render one deranged and is fairly cheap. Cheap that is when compared to things like whiskey heroin or gambling. I budget about $50 a week for Coffee and try to hold my consumption Down to 16 cups a Day. I have a Coffee maker in he Kitchen that s All ready to be fired up every dawning. If s routine. The world Rolls Over one More time. Jocund Dawn stands tiptoe on Yon dewy slope. Birds sing. The German sanitation workers Are Over at the Kiosk having i in first cold one of the Day. The alarm goes off. Then i sum Btu to the Coffee maker switch it on and stagger Bart to bed. The water gurgles that life giving Aroma wafts gently through the Kitchen Over the dishes piled in the sink through the Halfway and into the bedroom-1 Rise again and do the mexican two step Back to the Kitchen. One Day when the dad blamed thing did t work i repeated the Semi conscious rip Back and Forth from bed to Coffee maker about 24 times. I brushed my Teeth with shaving Cream put my underwear on backward and drove off to work. I arrived late. I also discovered that it s very dangerous to drive on he autobahn with your eyes closed. It s Coffee that gels the old brain cells bumping into each other increases the heartbeat stimulates the circulation and forces the eyelids apart. It is 3 gift from cud. Some people claim if s bad for you. Hard id believe. If i Don t have Coffee. I look like the male Lead in is fir of the living dead \ do know for example that when scientists take some helpless Ril and Force him to drink Coffee 24 hours a Day for a week or two he Dies. Scientists Are the leading cause of death in Laboratory animals 1 his my be scientific but it does t carry much weight with me. Maybe Coffee is bad for Only rats. My love for Coffee started Early on at about 2, give or take a few months. My parents used to Camp inthe summer on the Banks of the Hatchie i n Tennessee. We got up Early in those Days very Early. Later they told me hat was my idea. We would sit out there on the River Bank my Mother my father and i As the Sun came slowly up like a hissing Coal the steamy Mist started to Burn away from the River and the Dew slipped Down off the canopy of Green Trees sparkling in the Sunshine they had Coffee great delicious smelling steaming mugs of Coffee along with heaps of sausage and Ham eggs and biscuits. Then they handed me a plastic bottle of cold milk and a plate of strained Green Beans. And people say childhood is the Blissful time of life. 1 protested vigorously not knowing any better they were both of very Lender years Back then they gave me hot Coffee and Cream Ira Tablespoon. Soon 1 moved on to my own Little cup. Suffice it to say i had my first Coffee at the age of 2 and i dug it. It was Lough in Grade school sneaking Down la the cafeteria creating diversions and trying to steal Coffee from the Kitchen help. At noon i sneaked off to diners and blew All my lunch Money an Coffee. I had to bribe the older kids to go in and buy it for me. Sitting up for exams in College and hanging out in fire rooms on a Cruiser in the Navy for four years intensified the addiction. Life is very simple now. You give me Coffee. You give me no Coffee i run out and Knock Over a Gas station to get the Money for Coffee. There arc no alternatives. So when we started to have Coffee trouble at the Friendly stars and stripes canteen a few weeks ago i look it very seriously. The problem was they messed with the Cotton picking Coffee machine. The boys from the club system came Over one Day and adjusted it to give a bigger dose. The idea was to sell a bigger cup for 40 instead of the old cup for 25c. That was a swell idea because 1 always finished the 254 cup before i made it Back to the office. But they did t change the size of the cups. People would came in put i he cup under the spout Puih the Button ind with growing concern As the cup filled up and spilled Over. Forty ten is please. Angry Milti Ringi broke out. I quickly Learned to slip another cup under the spout. It would fill up about , full. I d drink the partial cup and Trot Back to my desk with the other one. 1 Learned that trick at Abdul s bar where i always have a Small Beer while i wait on my big Beer it takes forever to draw ii Beer in Germany the Cashiers started giving me dark looks As if i were tossing off cup after cup and paying Only 40t. Look i said you want $100? i la give you s Tod. Fust keep the Java coming they had the club system boys come Back and re adjust the machine. They must have been miffed because then it gave out exactly one full cup. I mean exactly. Try to pick it up and you spilled hot Coffee All Over yourself. Ever try to stick your head under one of those Little spouts on a Coffee machine and sip at your cup can t be done. So i d Divide in Between two cups Fust like before. Then they gave us slightly larger cups and i figured Oul i could squeeze three squirts into two cups if t drank Coffee fait enough As i went along. The Cashiers were going null. Two cups on if no three last week you were saying to cops were really that was before they adjusted the you were stealing All along and now your conscience is bothering you and you re tying to make amends let me explain meanwhile my Coffee got cold. I think they May Call in the auditors. Last week they ordered bigger cups. The4ot squirt fills these big cups up to about the 60% Mark everybody seemed Happy until yesterday when. Frenchy the Cable editor came Over and bought a cup. What s this he said. Forty cents and you Don t even get a full Cupi i sure Hope they Don t Call the Coffee mechanics again. Gentlemen must learn to take care of themselves United feature Syndicate dear miss manners what is your opinion of a married woman who continue to Caret Handi Armi and to Hight of the main closet to her of late 1 have had her Al my parties and Tome of my male Gunti have complained of her camling Tod i rubbing. My brother either does not tee this or hat Chown to ignore it. Now hit Wile told my brother that Tome of Hui lifelong Frt Endi have called or contacted her to tug Geft Hanky Panky i told her on the tide that the it leaving open to misinterpretation. She Tayt the ii Jutt Friendly and innocent of any wrongdoing. Gents wader miss manners is sorry but the gentlemen accented will just have learn to fake care of themselves. Spouses can rarely police party behaviour successfully and Sisters in Law certainly can t. Miss manners is puzzled by How Little one gender is Able to learn from the other. There is not much new about unwelcome advances made at parties nor about the rationale that such an activity was Only mean to be Friendly and anyway the other person really invited it. It was just generally although probably erroneously considered to be a masculine sport the traditional response fora lady who wished to discourage this depended on How blatant Ihn Advance was and whether she planned to continue social relations in which Caw she included a face saving statement. The most severe reaction is How Dar Youj a particularly insidious one is you know i m so fond of your wife let s join her shall we and the classic response is i know you re not yourself Well consider that this never dear miss manners i Haw worked in Hunt Type of office environment for the past 17 Yean. I hive enjoyed regular jury inc Tatei and several promotion and have been on my . I have always considered it proper office etiquette to keep Oor i pert Oruil life private Thui avoiding Rumon and gossip at much m Pom late. Ii wat brought to my attention recently that. Although everyone conifers me an open a taunt and professional co worker i am perceived � unfriendly because i do not discuss my Pennal Ike in great detail. I have a Fine Home and wonderful husband and do not engage in illegal activities. I Letl however tint elaborating on my marriage husband i career to fettle financial matters etc., ii neither nectar a nor appropriate in the work place. I tee my primary Retoni ability in this situation As one of getting along with everyone no Small eat and maintaining a prof Eudonal manner. Hat the let it All hang out mentality now pervaded the Btu leu world t cent rfade8 yes the let in All hang our mentality pervades the business world in that pseudo social atmosphere Many people Are led to behave at ii they Are strictly among friends Only to find their Careen jeopardized when Businesslike judgments Are suddenly applied to them rather than the sort of tolerance one hat a right to expect from friends. Miss manners urges you not to change your impeccable Standard of behaviour. There Are worse things than being known As someone who maintains a Businesslike Demeanour in the course of doing business. Among them Are betraying marital privacy and offering oneself up As Thi subject for office gossip. Fufil
