European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 9, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns no Barbecue what would Davy Crockett say by John Windrow Magazine editor i sauntered into an cafes snack bar at a Gas station near Munich la a week and ordered a cheeseburger 1 was t wild for one but there was a big sign Over the counter thai said cheeseburgers and i got carried away by the Power of suggestion. The lady behind the counter said they did t have any cheeseburgers. Maybe the arabs Drc buying them Afi up to Comer the Market i thought. She did say they had plenty of Davy crocketts. Being a Loyal tennessean i said that would do nicely. All i have to say is those people had belter be glad Davy does t know Aboul this or he would organize a fighting Force and be heading East Pronto. The Davy Crockett was a hamburger on whole wheat bread with Mayonnaise gobs of Mayonnaise cheese and Fried baloney. Davy would probably have called it the Santa Anna. I was reflecting on his As j drove on and realized that i had read just Days before in the slats and stripes that concorde jets will soon be delivering Sacher torte daily to new York from Vienna. The famed austrian chocolate cake is made in the hotel , the world is full of folks who get off the train head for the Sarver and chomp Down on a Plale of cake. They probably have to pass by several excellent Beer Halls to gel there which shows there s no accounting for Lasle. Bui Many people Don t feel they be ready been to the austrian capital unless they be had he Sacher torte. Ditto for sipping Champagne in the crazy horse Saloon in Paris throwing coins in the Trevi Fountain in Rome kissing the Blarney Stone in Ireland or buying a porcelain bust of Elvis in Memphis. There arc some who will resent this transatlantic cake traffic. They feel ifs decadent to have these marvelous air planes flying thousands of Miles to satisfy the Sweet Teeth of Rich  say More Power to them even though i have no weakness for chocolate cake no matter what part of the world it comes from. I m a grease Freak not a sugar slave which brings me to my Point. What Are we going to have in thai empty cargo space when the concorde zoom Back to Europe cod forbid that precious space go wasted. There Are so Many american things Here in Europe Blue jeans Rock albums hamburgers american football Bowling lanes movies weird to shirts and Cowboy hats. These thing Are important to civilization As we know it surely but what about Barbecue a dearth of really Good Barbecue is the one thing that makes living abroad a hardship. I can chuckle about Square doorknobs 1 smile when local Law demands that every Man woman and child in Germany report to the nearest grocery store at 9 . On saturday and Mill about smartly until 12 30 . I care not a Fig that traffic is bumper to bumper from Copenhagen to Rome from Lune to september. I can get used to Coffee and cake at 3 . It does t even bother me anymore when i run into educated people who have never heard of Buck Owens and the buckaroos. I can laugh Oil that off. But i crave Barbecue with every molecule of my being. The United states is highly industrialized with an excellent transportation system so it should be no problem to have fresh deep chilled Barbecue waiting on the runway in new Volt when the concorde Louch Down. The Secrel of Barbecue is All in the cooking and it would be pointless to bring raw Barbecue Over Here. The British would probably serve it cold with warm Beer and mashed potatoes. The germans might set it out with sour bread and pickles. I have no idea what the French might try bul i know the Servings would be too Small and you d have to eat it with Linen and silverware. No it will Only do to have the Barbecue cooked and deep chilled then whisked to Europe where it can be healed up and served right away. I suggest the military set up Long picnic tables covered with Oil cloth at All major air bases in Europe. The Barbecue can be offloaded microwaved and served up piping hoi right on the spot. Ii would be like old Home week All Over the continent. The big question if. Where do we buy the Barbecue the South Midwest and Texas All claim to have great Barbecue and somebody is going to gel his feelings Hurt when cafes announces the Winner of the billion Dollar Barbecue contract. Since Alt this is my idea i propose the search be limited to towns of less in an 10,000 population in Tennessee Arkansas and Mississippi. If you Start Messing around any of the larger towns you keep running into these fast food Barbecue palaces. They Lack character and commitment. Usually some kid who does t know pulled meat from ribs is handing you sugar Sweet pork and soggy Cole Slaw in a plastic dish and hustling you out the door before you can ask if the fish Are biting. Cafes needs to Send out a representative to scour the Countryside for those really great Little joints that turn out Superb Barbecue the kind that sets off a warm spot deep Down in the pit of your belly and slowly spreads through the digestive system like soft lamplight. I would like to offer a few t is to whomever goes out in search of Barbecue for cafes Don t waste any time downtown by the dime store or the movie House. Great Barbecue attracts a Rowdy element and the Powers that be insist Good Barbecue joints be located on the Edge of the dry limits or right across the nearest county line. If the place serves Beer be leery. For some reason people who male Prima Barbecue lend to be devout  and Vole dry. If you hear people ordering co Colas or asking each other where the nearest Beer join is you re probably on the right track. If shake rattle Narf to is on the Jukebox stick around. It s a Good sign if the locals poke each other in the ribs and Point at an Oul of state License plate. Don t walk through the door unless he screen is rutted out and tie local High school football schedule is plastered All Over in with scores written in for the last several years. It s a very Good sign if the sauce is in old Coke by tales with holes punched in the Caps. I f they offer extra Light bread for free Start riling out the contract. Refills on the ice Tea should also be free. If the owner has a pistol in the Cash Register you re in prime Barbecue country. I think cafes should hire someone at the g5-i3 level to go out and contract for tons of Barbecue. I have a Guy in mind who could be very Good at h. And Ilain t Davy Crockett. Being born parties hard to Deal with sometimes by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners t hate to rain on anyone f Parade bul i am tired of getting soaked each time a financially secure Friend or family member Geli married or rut a baby. Am i incorrect in believing that a Tower is supposed to be Given for Young people who really cannot afford la buy All the Ette Liali for the household or the new baby i ment being forced to give an engagement gift a Shower gift and a wedding gift to newlyweds from affluent families newlyweds who along with their parents can Well afford to sure Stii their own Home. I feel he ume tray about the need to Shower an unborn baby with Gill and then rain presents upon the child at id being born party. Let me hasten id azure you hat t do not feet the same multiple Gil giving resentment when a couple or an infant is in need of financial assistance. My ton will be married shortly. I gave the couple a lavish engagement party and Hen asked them to please refrain from obligating people again until the wedding. However showers have been scheduled and i Don t approve. I won t say another thing about in to the kids bul i would appreciate your input. Gentle Reader what Pray is a being born party of never mind. Miss manners does t want to know. But she does like to think that society has evolved beyond the Point where the charming convention of giving presents is interpreted As an act of Charity. If one is Rich in friends who wish to please one with a Little gathering and charming Token presents one Doe not Alto have to prove material poverty in order to qualify for a Shower. Miss manners believes you were right in refraining from issuing directives to protect your friends from what you think of As exploitation rather than partying. Anyone who feels overburdened by being invited to a Shower need Only decline the invitation. Dear miss manners my husband and i have been involved with each other for nine Yean but Only married for a Little Over one year. When a first met my parents i introduced them to him by their first names As is customary in my family and he has always referred to them this Way. His Parent Are More formal and conservative than mine and when f first met them he introduced them As or. And mrs. I have always called them that who their last name. The problem is that when i married their Ion they never told me to Call them by other Namei to 1 Titt Call them or. And mrs. F Don t know what to do. F am timid about Duncuff ing it with them. Gentle Reader perhaps you Are too Young to know that there can be kind Loving people in the world who Are nevertheless uncomfortable with the idea of having those a generation younger address them by their first names. The formality of your part Iii in Law should not be interpreted As a reflection on you but As a social tradition Normal o them. Another social cd slim is that the elders get la decide How they wish to be addressed Noi the children. If you think Thi y or it be agreeable to change get you husband to ask them what they would like to be called. Haven t you discovered Yel  one advantage of marriage is gelling your spouse to do easily what might be difficult for you have a question on etiquette write Tomisi manners in care of the Slan and stripes apo09211, your question will be forwarded to her. Miss manners regrets that she can Only answer questions in her column. La rips Mirtzine july 9, 198