European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 23, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns More fun than a sleeping bag full of rattlers by John Windrow Magazine editor when 1 was a fad i used to go out in the Woods swamps and Fields around my Home in Pursuit of poisonous snakes. Fortunately i lived Long enough to outgrow the urge 11 Sperro bizarre that i used to Wade around sloughs in the swamps i Yingto cach water moccasins tramped through High grass looking for raiders and turned Over rocks to see if there happened to be any copperheads underneath. 1 carried them around in my Bare hands slew them skinned them and nailed heir hides on the Bam Wall i had $0 Many preserved in jars in my bedroom my Molher did t dust in there for several years. I m sure now in was the result of pent up sexual drive thai could not find expression any other Way. You know proving your manhood and All that sort of thing. I could t gel a Gal to even gel into a car with me until i was about in. But when i did i quit chasing snakes and started chasing Girts. Tennessee is prime Snake country. They were everywhere. People constantly told each other about enormous reptiles that crawled Inlo Yards gardens barns too Sheds and into allies. Most people could t Tell one Type of Snake from another. The populace seemed to be divided Inlo two types those who nought every Snake they saw was deadly and those who did not. To my Mother there were no distinguishable differences Between a 2-Inch Green Snake and an Anaconda big enough to crush gorgeous George we had an incredible crisis once when my Mother prepared to enter the Bathtub Only to discover a Garden Snake where the ring around the Drain should have been. She screamed to a Man working in our Yard. He looked her Overand decided from her emotional state that he was being called upon to do Battle with something on the scale of a giant flame spewing three headed Lizard. He grabbed a Fence Post ran bravely into the bathroom and practically destroyed it before he worked his Way out again the Snake escaped probably Down the Drain. My Uncle Clarence called everything he saw a Chicken  i be seen him sauntering around the Pond Bank with a fishing pole in his hand stepping Over water moccasins or kicking them out of his Way As they slashed at him saying Don l worry none boy it Ain t nothing but an old Chicken Snake then there was my Cousin Meeds who was out Squirrel Hunting one Day and realized he was standing straddle of an enormous Rattler. Mecks leaped atop a nearby tree stump and started blasting away with a double barrelled Shotgun. The Walller either out of overconfidence or crazed panic kept crawling around and around the stump As weeks fired off More round than picket saw at Gettysburg. The Walller finally died but he died hard. Meeks trembled for Days. The other Day i read in my trusty stars Ana Stripe about a Bil of lunacy involving snakes out in Washington state a texan who else went out to the wild Northwest and decided to set a record. What record you May ask Why the record for crawling into a sleeping bag crammed full of rattlesnakes. Dave Eslep went All the Way from Corpus Christi Texas to get Inlo a sleeping bag with 250 rattlers in Warden Wash. He wanted to break the record of 224 snakes in a sack set by another texan who else. Now i Don t know much about this but i la bet you anything you can name for any amount you can count thai nobody sleeps when he s ins steeping bag with 224 rattlesnakes. I want to know How Many Long neck Beers these texans put away before they try a stunt like this. Also do they Lake their Cowboy boots off when they get into the sleeping bag under Normal circumstances they do i be seen it with my own eyes Down in Baja Oklahoma. A sorts of unsavoury things adhere themselves to Cowboy boots. Usually texans take their boots off being sure to remind themselves to Check the m for scorpions in the morning leave their Cowboy Hals and jeans on and wriggle Inlo he old bag. Sticking one s in booted fool into a sack of 250 rattlesnakes must be the hardest part Tike putting your toe Inlo a Chilly like before taking the plunge. I wonder if they move around much if they Massage your legs Wilh Little Snake licks. At least they rattle before they bite. That Way if you heard say he 215th Rattler Way Down in the Bollom of the pile rattling you could Start slowly working your Way out before he struck. Of course you d have to get out very gently so you did t offend someone else. What if they got  at each other All 250 of them crammed into some hoi Stuffy sleeping bag Wilh a texan in his smelly old sock feel Estep missed his Chance at glory because they could t come up Wilh enough snakes. The people in Warden Only rounded up about 100. From experience t can say it would be hard to find 250 rattlesnakes. They Don t travel in herds. Evidently there was other trouble Wilh environmentalists who thought All this would be harmful to snakes. Or maybe just demeaning i Don t know if i d want it known that i d been in a sleeping bag with a texan myself. Estep says hell try again next year and bring his own snakes if need be. He has my undying support. If on a Cou w get the stars and stripes to Send me to cover it. I d do in for free. Don t be snippy out apologize thoughtless clods by miss manners United future Syndicate dear miss manners How Choei one respond to those Well meaning Folk who upon encountering one by Chance turn Ashen Wilb guilt strike their hand to their foreheads and exclaim we be been meaning to have you  there Are often people whom one has entertained who feel their turn is overdue. Sometimes Lince we move often for my husband i Job they merely feel the Burden of hospitality i on them because we Are the new Onu in the Church or the neighbourhood. The declaration of intent to entertain without a specific imitation being issued always embarrasses me and when i have no interest in Dali Ling with the guilt it Kucen party anyway it even rather annoys me. Responses that have come to mind Are when and i m no going to Roll Over and die if you Don t Ever Aik me Over bul this Reader suspects that neither if excruciatingly Correct. Do Lell me How to attire these Folk thai they May either Lei this cup pan from them entirety or invite me at their convenience without troubling their consciences again or putting me in another awkward situation. Gentle Reader no you May not make snippy rejoinders to these thoughtless remarks. Bul miss manners Wilt allow you to satisfy yourself by out apologizing these people. Of i m so sorry you May reply we be just been so terribly Busy lately and i Don t know when it s going to let up. Well just have logo in touch Wilh you when we re  dear miss manners How Doe one Deal with Diquita guests i held a Barbecue for past and present co workers. The event was to be a reunion at Well Ai a Welcome for new office staff. The past employees and a few from the present remained inside the House whispering among themselves laughing uproariously and completely ignoring the other guests outside. After someone remarked on their conspicuous absence i went Fruide and Lugg led thai since it wat cooler now they might prefer to move outside. No one stirred. The new staff member Felt Hurt because the a ignored. I like each of these guests bul their adolescent behaviour at parties is irritating and offensive. Gentle Reader the problem with having unified subgroups of guests people Wilh a great Deal to talk about and not much Opportunity to do so is thai they begin to have too Good a time together to do any Overall worrying about How the party is going. The hostess must Lake that responsibility. The Way to do it is nol to hint obliquely thai they should relocate but to take he unacquainted people firmly in hand and put them Inlo the conversations by saying do Tell her some of the funny stories from the old Days or i m counting on you to explain to him How the place really works dear miss manners there a a Man who did business with my husband Joe. Joe liked him and asked me to invite him and his wife for dinner which i did. We had an enjoyable evening. Several months later we had dinner at their Home ii teemed to me that the evening wat pleasant. Here s where the plot thicken. Several months after that 1 again ailed them for dinner. Without a moment hesitation the wife did they could t nuke it the Date Wai for a few weeks later. She did t Lay the d look it tip or Itie d speak to her husband Jurt no. I waited a few More months and asked her again. The answer wat the ame of course i never called her again. When t told a Friend about my experience f he said that the women probably thought her obligation was fulfilled and the did t want to continue teeing us. My husband ii no longer in business to he does t see the husband anymore. 1 feel Hurt really unhappy about it. What do you think j cent Reader miss manners acknowledge thai you have cause to feel Hurt but not exactly personal cause. This behaviour seems to her to be part of a larger social problem having to do Wilh the present tragic confusion Between work and Friendship. Yes these people have fulfilled their social obligations and have Given signs that they do not wish to incur More but miss manners double that it is because they did not find the evenings As pleasant As you did. One is Seldom wrong about when a party up n off Well and in is unlikely i hoi they had a miserable Lime while you had a Good one. What is Likely is that these people Only consider social life to be worthwhile when it also has a musings purpose and thai they no longer plan to see you simply because your husband is no longer of professional use to them. Miss manners finds that sad such a policy carries in own punishment. One Day that gentleman will no longer be in business himself and if he has Only such friends they will drop him. To Tibet a Jirine july 23, 138?