European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 6, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns it s just the culture Shock of Home Sweet Home by Paul Bourgeois stiff writer my family and i just resumed hmm tin1 5l,Iles. 11 our first trip Home in several years. It May be the last. My t Hilr Iron Ages 4 Ami 5, had no recollection of America. Sli Pingol i the plane in hew Orleans they covered their eyes i1nh screamed in horror we re Blind we re Blind the sky s on fire they shrieked. I tried to calmly explain thai the Sun is a naturally occurring phenomenon in most parts of the world that they need t be afraid. I mid thai while Gray gloomy sunless cold Rainy Days ate the Norm in Germany Many us the 5 billion people on Earth experience something called their fear turned to Delight As they discovered they had but then Why is it so hoi they moaned in unison. My mind raced for an explanation that involved the Earth Tilting on it s Axis toward the Sun As it spins around he solar system ill several thousand Miles per hour bul gave them instead the confused Parent s Universal answer it All questions. Just because that s having lived More than n Quarter Century in the big easy where summertime temperatures of 100 with 10o percent humidity is considered merely warm we thought we were pretty smart to Visil in the Spring. The Day we arrived however the South was hit with the worst heal wave this Century. It was Only 9a.m. And the Mercury registered 97. The weather however nothing compared to what toy ahead. Some people who Don t in ii any belter have described folks in my family As downright strange. Colourful is probably a a Iellar weird we were welcomed in tile Airport by brother 1 Enny 35, who introduced my his new Bride a Hubby 17-year-old with Scholljr Kuks under her Arm. I be apologised about not sending us in invitation or even in a Jimm i r l no his , bul assured us Ihal next time he gels Hiu Herl we will be at the Viry lop of his mailing list. After dropping his wife Oft it the High school i canny took us directly in Cousin s where we were expected to stay three or four Days. Matilda 42, weighing in it 2iw ind known to sport Green hair had most recently i hurried a 17-year old iranian a magician by Trade whose student vis i had expired. He pulled his disappearing act Only three weeks into the marriage leaving Mattie s already bruised heart severely battered. This had followed marriages to such foreigners As ,1 turkish Seaman a haitian Short order Cook a colombian Coffee picker ind a Mississippi pig rancher. Next Stop was Cousin aunt Yazji. Actually she s just a former aunt by marriage but my third Cousin on Boih my Mother s and my father s Side twice removed. Zaza 75, had just wed a 59-year-old mortuary attendant who was mourning the death of his Mother. Claude had lived Wilh Mother All his life and Zaza whispered to me privately that Claude was a Virgin when she married him. We were glad to see that his mourning apparently was made easier because us matrimonial Bliss still we found living with the newlyweds and their Loor 12 lip dogs less than Ideal. We stayed Only two Days before moving into Cousin Clovile s Mobile Home. Clovile a pleasant heavyset woman with specs Niles As thick As Coke bottles. She s a Good Cook who has buried five husbands. Her son. Cousin Rollie lives with her when she s Between husbands. Neither has 1o work since they Are the beneficiaries of several insurance policies. We Learned during our Kotlik is something of ,1 Tel eerily on a local All mud show. He Calls in la into Mcnol on world events this evening Rollie was Ollic North is the reincarnation of . George and that l a inn Lisl Jim Bakker is an alien Ine form. Rollie has proposed marriage in letters to Tammy Hakker am insists that her to Jim in t valid Sim he is. Is Rollie puts it Mil n this during the Day Rollie was Busy liking Banjo lessons. Me to Starl the world s first heavy Metal All Binjo band. He wants in All Lii self Rutkin after three Days we moved in in untie Mullet. Mullet s a fairly Down to Earth Siuy a retired . Bul since Mullel spends his waking hours playing poker we were forced to spend most of our Lime Ullh his sons Larry , Harry and Duke who kept insisting that we Fin tamping Wilh them we finally gave in figuring Ilour three Days in the great outdoors would t kill us. I a while packing i hat i noticed that Duke something o an outsider was packing the tiniest of Knapsacks with nothing More Ihan a rain poncho a pocketknife ind a Ball of siring. I was overjoyed figuring that perhaps we were Lakins Only a Short hike so Duke i asked How Long you figure Well be living out in the Woods of he said probably no Nero than three or four months this months sure said Duke we live off the land. Last time we six what do you eat i asked. Of mostly berries and Inu ones but lately i be been finding the Pine Cones a Lille hard to yeah they Don t go Down i no smooth either he , bul we ate real Good last Lime out. We killed some kind of wild pig Wilh a Slick at least we think it was a pig but whatever it was we ate it and it was pretty Beautiful mind and soul Are not enough by miss manners United future Syndicate dear miss manners i am retired from the government now in Academia and divorced. Recently i placed an and in the perv Mals Section of a local paper seeking a highly educated younger Woun the Mot interesting response initially was a . In her Early 30s, whose interests in determined through letters and Telephone conversation seemed to overlap mine to a great extent. I looked Forward eagerly to meeting her. When i met her face to face it turned out hit her weight is considerably higher than her very respectable in. Shr Holdi no physical attraction for me and that for me is As important a component of a Good relationship As the intellectual. I believe she would be quite attractive if she would lose 60 to 80 pounds. She seems quite interested in me. Is there any Way that 1 can properly indicate my feelings about Ihil but for her obesity i would be int cried in pursuing a relationship Wilh her. Gentle Reader in order to advise you fairly. Miss manners needs to ave Lunil a prejudice ii inst the personal ads Way of thinking. Let s not even discuss Here lie danger of dispensing with society s traditional protections it sign d us kit candidates come Wilh ill least some endorsement from people one trusts. But what about the nature of the human spirit whih accounts for people is often falling in love Wilh those who Don t a All meet their anticipated qualifications and being left cold by eminently suitable candidates perhaps then you should be Frank bul gently so Wilh this lady. Tell her How much you like her already and Ihal you believe it could turn to love. Then offer to see her affectionately through the change. At in Rel she will refuse knowing someone did care Aboul her mind and soul. Dear miss manners i am the wife of a professor at a Small but Well known Fine arts College. My husband has been teaching at this school far Mare than two decodes now. We have been married 13 years it is a first marriage for a both for most of our married life invitations from the institution have been addressed to or. And mrs. John Doc or John and Jan Doc or sometimes professor and mrs. Ohn Dor. But recently All our invitations have been Send to or. Lohn Doe and guest. At first we thought his was a mistake when my husband inquired he to Lold that All invitations were so addressed. I suppose the College officials feel they Are being tactful since it is True that there Are Many single separated and divorced faculty members. But is there to be no acknowledgement of a stable marriage anymore also a faculty spouse used to be accorded some dignity prestige and respect. Suddenly we no Lunger exist. I am afraid that i have taken this new address As an insult to me and my husband. At an institution where he has worked so Long and contributed to much and which does nol have a very Large faculty should t they take the Lime to find out if the marriage is on or off gentle Reader before Del herself on your Side which she fully intends to do miss re Unnes is forced to Point out Ihal the thinking that has led to this unfortunate a Juliun ims crept into your own attitude. Ii is .1 first marriage for us Bikih you write. A first Manaige time was when people talked simply of being married Wilh the Assumption that it was an Only marriage for each unless otherwise. skin us be done is to Send jul a Ciui Sliwin Nauru Al the if ii so soul year Shell addresses and other information Are being compiled anyway Asling How professor Svals his fir kit sue Iai addressed. Should a hers in s stylus cd info during the school Tir that person so uld in tight in complain in fiut bring Oinui Idrissi d if he Ruit tied the record keeper of the lunge re rpm Mitzi it Iti Gritl 6, 1987
