European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 13, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns stripes editor bears grizzly secret to the Cave by Paul Bourgeois still writer the other Day i read a news Mem about an i Lilian who lived in a Hole in the ground for seven months breaking the world record for living alone in a Cave. The 33-year-old Man had lost track of time and was certain that Only 80 Days had elapsed. He was shocked 1o learn that he had spent 210 Days Wilhour human Contact. He said he generally slept id hours followed by 20 hours of Reading writing studying and heavy smoking. At the time it did t strike me As any stranger than the hundreds of bizarre stories hat routinely Cross the news desk. It did t hit Home until i turned on the car radio to hear barbra Streisand singing. People who need people Are the Luckiest people in the world.,." this triggered two thoughts almost simultaneously 1 this is a very stupid song. 12 the legend of luscious Bergeron the Only Sailor in the history of the Navy to desert without Ever leaving his ship. I had probably heard that song dozens of times Over he years but this time. For the firs time i actually listened to the lyrics. Anyone who s thinking correctly surely realizes that people who Don t need people very much Are the Luckiest people in the people who need people must be terribly sad a Good bit of the time. I know this is going to sound a Lille pessimistic but the fact is that people being human in most cases invariably let you Down usually at a time when you need Efthem most. But that aspect aside it seems to me that people who can stand being by themselves Are the truly Lucky ones. I find it wonderful to be Ilone for clays or Chi n .1 week .11 a time. It s . , the demands of a Job and family have made this impossible for several years. Still i lust for any Opportunity to Hole up to shul Oul the world and vegetal e not seeing or speaking to anyone or anything. It s a kind of hibernation. I have a theory while most people arc descended from monkeys a few select and very special people myself and luscious Bergeron included Are in fact descended from bears. My wife does t understand this. She considers my behaviour strange. She says i m egocentric anti social and crude. She also says i smell bad but i take this As further evidence that 1 am indeed descended from grizzlies. She s never said so but i suspect my Lus for Solitude scares her. It makes her think of All the news stories about people who flip out and kill every member of their family and their dog while shy slept. The neighbors Are questioned and invariably describe he crazed gunman As a quiet kind of a Guy. A real luscious was t just a loner he was a legend. It started on the aircraft Carrier Forrestal which Al the time was referred to by its Sallow As the Forest fire due to it s habit of bursting into flames. Luscious was he fourth of nine children four girls and five boys and Solitude was hard to come by. He signed up soon As he was old enough. Right after Boot Camp in san Diego luscious was sent to the Forresta and to endless Days Chipping and painting and then Chipping and painting some More. But he did t mind the work. He enjoyed being aboard ship. He seemed Happy and smiled a lot. He even liked the Chow. Luscious was t real Bright but he was t real stupid either. He was what you d Call extremely he did t drink much while on Liberty. Usually he d nurse a Beer or two All night. L was a quiet and peaceful life. That is until he met Lorena Scott. Lorer was a hostess atone of the Friendly taverns that line the Road leading up to the Gates at Norfolk. She was 5-foot-10, and 160 pounds of woman with a capitalw." the1 Hoesr foul sme thing Rel dirty Mou Chesl a car bal Clinin isl icily old woman Ever to sit on a Lia Stoot. And luscious was in now you folks out there can Prilly much figure Oul what happened. Their love burned hotter than the hottest Blaze on the Forust fire ii was undying they said. It was forum for they said it lasted a week Lorena snapped Back fairly quickly. But luscious was clearly destroyed. He Wen awol. Weeks Pas a but still no luscious. Me did t show up Al his folks House and Lorena had t seen him. Months passed and luscious was declared a deserter. A few More months passed and his shipmates had nearly forgotten about him. Ii was about his time that some smart Alec Ensign decided that things were Loo Dull aboard the Forest he started spreading the Rumor thai the ship was out of toilet paper. Well As you might expect everyone All 5,000 crewmen started hoarding toilet paper. The to announced Over the intercom that this alleged toilet paper shortage was a vicious this of course Only convinced everyone that the toilet paper shortage was real. They hoarded even More and soon the mighty Mountain of toilet paper hat had blood in Supply for Many months had dwindled to a Mere Molehill. It was then that luscious or rather evidence of luscious was found. Ii seems he had dug a Cave Lor himself in the toilet paper Mountain and had lived there in relative Comfort for nearly eight months. Food apparently had t been a problem since the storeroom was full of it. Newspapers and magazines found in luscious Cave were dated Only a few Days earlier suggesting he was nearby. The masters at arms searched for Days. The to chewed them out severely for failing to find luscious. Dogs were airlifted to the ship and they sniffed out every Bulkhead. Well to make an already Long Story a Little Shorter. Luscious was never found. There were rumours later that he May have Tel a fire on the Forre Slae but it was never proven and those who knew him knew he just was t he Type. Rudeness absolutely no excuse for being rude by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners 1 have a great Many failures at Mother but allure to instill the Basin of Good manners and common Courtesy is not among inem. Therefore a you May have guessed my Gripe it with the world at Large. I have frequently noticed hat the same tale clerk who will mile and respond you re Welcome to an adult by my thanks will completely ignore a Young child who does the tame. Certainly there Are Virnet in a crowded store or cafeteria line when a child s Toft voice cannot be heard yet i be seen people look Al my children obviously having heard them and by nothing. Another pet Peeve concerns my 4-year-old ton who regularly holds Doon open for women. Only rarely do he get a mile Lor Hii Courtesy and almost never a thank usually hew women Tail through the open doorway without even looking Al him or if they do look it is with suspicion and Foj per Magazine Mutal 13, 1387 even distaste. It occurs to me that Many of these same people go Home in the evening to watch the news and expound upon How worthless and ill mannered the youth Are today and How in was t like that when they themselves were growing up. I sincerely Hope you will ask your Readen to ask themselves does my behaviour teach children that Good manners Are noticed and appreciated let s All shape up and give kids credit when credit is due. Respect is a two Way Street. Gentle Reader consider them asked even import Ned. Nobody regrets More than miss manners that parents today must add to the considerable amount of Eli Quelle information they give their children the sad fact that there is a great Deal of rudeness in the world but thai the civilised person does not use this As an excuse to practice it himself. Dear miss manners is it proper for an unmarried Man to Call upon about once a Welt and occasionally take to dinner the estranged wife of his Nephew the Man is about 65 Yean old and the Young woman i about 30. They both say the relationship is platonic. I have been dating this Man Lor several years. And while i realize thai my complaints May sound like and be sour grapes i am also truly concerned about what friends and neighbors will think of the situation not to mention what this woman t to band would think if he found Oul genre readers there is hardly a social action on Earth thai is guaranteed to be gossip proof but miss manners does Noi consider it scandalous of a lady and gentleman of whatever Ages simply to Dine together. She herself has just invited to luncheon 4 gentleman considerably younger than herself in fact 9 years old. These people Are actually related and Lor All you know May be discussing How to save her marriage. Or they May just have struck up a Friendship that they Are unwilling family Lur novits being As frequent As they Are to forgo. Let us now get to your real question How do you Deal politely with the fact you acc l left out not by attempting to squelch he gentleman s Freedom through Threal of Public disapproval. Ivan if you managed to do so you would be establishing yourself As
