European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 22, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns does master Choi make House Calls by Dave Barry Knight Riderr nov Sparn in  could turn out to be a North american record for boneheaded parental blunders we have decided to let our son who is 6, take lessons in Tae Kwan do. This is a martial an something like karate Only in comes from Korea. I think lae Kwan do h korean for i shall kick you in the head because this is largely what you try in do. First you Bow to your opponent with deep respect and then you try to insert your instep Inlo his or her nasal passages. This we re told builds character and discipline. Ii me looked like there was a lot of character being built when we look Robert to the Tae Kwan Rio studio to Check it out. There were maybe 30 kids there Barefoot and wearing those White a Amas. The teacher. Master Choi had them completely under control. He never even had to raise his voice. Me i can t control one child without constantly escalating to ludicrous shouted threats. Robert i am always shouting. If i Hove to Tell you one More time to clean this Gerbil poop off the Coffee table i am going to take that Yoyo away from you and you will never see it again for the rest of your  master Choi on the other hand merely had to Issue a quiet command in korean and instantly All 30 students would leap to attention or Bow or it Lack the person on their immediate right or whatever. Part of the reason they have so much respect for master Choi of course is hey know he  kick them barefooted clean through a kuwaiti Oil Tanker. But part of it also seemed to be discipline and character and since Robert was hot to try in we signed him up. T now realize this could be a a or error. I mean right now our household is analogous to the International situation right after world War ii. America represented by my wife and Meis the Only country with he atomic bomb represented by being big which Means that the soviet Union Robert is ultimately forced to yield in International disputes such As what time is bedtime. But with the Tae Kwan do lessons we Are handing the soviet Union advanced later technology that could upset the entire balance of Power master Choi has assured us that if s Only for self defense and i m sure he is sincere but i have my doubts. If i knew lae Kwan do i would go around claiming it was for self defense but actually i would look for every Opportunity to use it in daily he. For example you know How sometimes in an air plane you get stuck sitting next to a person always a male who has to control the armrest it s an aggressive territorial lust that Many males have dating Back millions of years when territory was important and males were stupid. The male sitting next to you May look Tike a modern businessman but deep in his cerebral cortex he is a neanderthal named log who is convinced thai if he lets you share the armrest you will kill him and take his Woma n. Guys think stuff like this All the time. Which is Why we have All fun or Ikon Over there in Chi persian Gulf. Anyway if i knew Tae Kwan Riu and i was silting next to a territorial male 1 would politely attempt to share the armrest and when he shoved my  off i would draw Back my foot and with awesome Power shatter his briefcase Inlo thousands of pieces. And then i would like his woman. Hama Hama. See what i mean even i Don t feel responsible enough to handle this kind of Power and i am a grown up with major credit card lord knows what my son will do. I can just picture our household with Robert completely beyond our control going to bed at 4 30 . And eating meals consisting entirely of chocolate easter Bunny parts. Of course he has a Long Way logo. To get a Black Belt you have to go through a series of lower level belts each signifying that you have mastered a number of difficult techniques. Robert is a White Bell right now which signifies Only thai his father has written a Check to the Tae Kwan do studio. But he s learning fast. When he came out from his first lesson he was so fired up that right in he parking lot he gave me an impressive demonstration of his prowess launching a leaping kick. I am sure the kick would have had devastating Power if his legs had t gone out from under him in animated cartoon fashion leaving him in a crumpled Little martial arts pile crying partly from pain but mostly from the humiliation of being Defeated in hand to hand combat by a parking lot. I picked him up and carried him to the car and by the time we got Home he was a mean fighting machine again. He wore his while Bell to supper. He wanted to Wear the whole uniform but we did t want him to spill Kool Aid on ii. 10-year-old in t equal partner in household by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners we have a 10-year-old son who seems to be confused about the difference Between a House and a Home. His father and i have explained that we All share equally in taking care of Trie House. That is we Are responsible for keeping our rooms orderly taking out the trash and similar Light housekeeping. Our Ion says that if Iii if our Home and we share in everything it must partially belong to him. For example if a repair or remodelling is needed he complains. He does t want anything altered. He thinks that he should have an important role in All the decision making. We recently Tod a Smalt change made in the Kitchen. After the Inual tirade of complaint and obstructionist behaviour he appeared to accept the alteration. However he now refuse to do assigned chores saying that this is not his House. Gentle Reader the danger of oversimplifying matters so that a child can understand them is that he May understand them All Loo Well. What your child clearly understands is your Gross oversimplification in fact your unsettling distortion of what you had mean to explain. By telling him thai he does an equal share of household management when he performs his chores you have convinced him that he is naturally entitled loan equal share in running the place. But you did t mean either statement. Does he pay a third of the mortgage have you consulted him about insurance needs does he do a major part of the meal planning grocery shopping laundry cleaning or gardening what you actually meant is thai he does a child s share. The adults share is to make All the financial contributions All decisions requiring knowledge and judgment and All the planning. Adults Are supposed to have More Wisdom and experience enough for example to remain a swayed by tantrums. Miss manners thoroughly approves of your insisting that your son do his part. Bui by exaggerating his contribution you not Only promote silly rebellion based on false expectations but very Likely suggest thai he is responsible for matters beyond his capabilities. That is no favor to a child. You really do not want him to have an equal share in the worries. In is his House in that he has a secure Home Complete with parents who Are committed to looking after is interests even or perhaps especially when he is unable to perceive what his True interests Are. Dear miss manners a Friend of mine Wai Given a tur Prue retirement tribute at her Bank s annual party. She to 66, and Wai a longtime employee and officer respected by her co workers. After two very Brief comment neither of which was very appropriate she Wai asked to speak. She was devastated As the was caught off guard and totally unprepared. She was embarrassed and humiliated and i feel it Wai incredibly poor Taite. What is the Correct procedure for retirements perhaps i can prevent this from happening again. Gentle Reader a tribute to a retiring employee pulled As a Surprise in the Middle of an established annual party is hardly a. Full fledged retirement ceremony. Miss manners is not Clear whether some of your dismay might be rooted in a feeling that the lady was shortchanged. However that depends on the customs of the company toward others of her rank and longevity equal treatment is the key. A company should strive to make All retiring employees feel that the commitment has had meaning while nol unduly taxing its resources or those of other employees. The Issue of being asked to speak need nol have been so distressing. Miss manners is sorry hat the lady was so embarrassed but a real retirement speech Complete with gratitude for everyone else s help on the Job and humorous anecdotes of one s history with the company can Only be expected when there is a preplanned party. A few simple words thank you All so much. It has been wonderful working with you. I la be thinking of you  would have been ample. Dear miss manners i am 12 years old and in the it eth Grade. I sometimes walk Home alone from school and a stranger walks by and says hello. Do 1 say hello Back or do i keep on walking and May nothing my parents have always taught me not to talk to stranger but i Don t want to be impolite. I feel really bad when people Are being Friendly and i snub them by not saying hello Back. Centre Reader your parents Rule is Correct and sensible. Miss manners assures you that you do not have any obligation for the Sake of politeness to respond to greetings from strangers. However this is not a simple Rule. Few Are. Part of growing up is learning How to comply with the in enl of the role which is to prevent improper overtures from people you know nothing about rather than using in rigidly when it might be inappropriate. For instance can you safely Call out a hello to the lady sweeping her porch who says Hias you go by on your bicycle sure. Should you respond to the Friendly Young person who is new at your school this year of course. But ignoring a person who is walking Down the Street with you and who shows signs of continuing Inlo conversation if encouraged is nol impolite. The distinction is first whether the conversation is intended to Lead anywhere As the greeting to the lady on the porch is Noland second whether there is a proper common meeting ground As your school would be for making new acquaintances. To from Minot