European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - November 25, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The Battle of the sexes full scale War or detente by Karen Timmons United press International rom All appearances the Ballilo of the so is is escalating into a Lull scale War Many women have moved to the Iron lines in Trust ration it May he easier now to gain Entrance to the boardroom but when they gel Home he still won t pick up his socks much less talk about his feelings they gather in Little clutches and do Iii Liidi Iiley 100 Nave had that crazy urge to kill a Jerk of a former Lover As a deranged Glenn close tried to do unto Michael Douglas alter to jilted her in the movie fatal attraction some women even cheered her on in the movie theater. Wary and often defensive alter the upheaval of nearly 20 years of social change some men have addressed the tray in the traditional male Battle stance of stoic silence others also go to the movies and secretly applaud the Caveman machismo of rambo and a minority have claimed themselves Neutral by becoming newly sensitized men. A move which some of their Brothers see As defection to the opposing Camp fanning the lire is a plethora of literature often masquerading As sell help handbooks that incites both sides with male hashing titles men who hate women or openly hostile Content As in Shore Nile s recently released women and love. These Are the Public signs of the guerilla warfare of the sexes gripping the 80s. But the private mood according to some experts is increasingly a yearning Lor detente while the thought of laying Down arms and crying truce is enticing these experts say a new Brand of sexual diplomacy is needed before the White flags Fly i think there needs to be a truce there s no doubt about  says Richard meth director of the Center Lor marital and family therapy at the University of Connecticut and a Counselor in private practice. Women have been talking for the last 15 to 20 years about How they have been victimized by the paternalistic world we live in and i Don t have any disagreement with  says Mold. Who co leads a group on mens issues Lor the american association of marriage and family therapy Bui women have been so caught up in the fact that they have been victims. I think they be lost sight of the fact that men have been victimized by the paternalistic society As  one of the major roadblocks to a truce is still Lack of communication the traditional Catchall Label for the Root of All evil in relationships. Many experts have found that simply Ina Ninn to Pii Hopt feelings in not encase. Real communication olten can t begin until each Hall of a couple learns to understand the distinct sometimes nonverbal emotional language of the other. I be discovered Over the years that one of the major bases for conflict in marriages is that men and women have been taught a different emotional language says meth. Men have a language of doing. Women complain hat men Don t want to sit Down and talk hut that s not something men have been taught to do Sines each of them has Learned a different language they have to learn the other person s language and struggle Wilh sharing both languages. Ii a woman says you have to use my language Only and the Man says the same thing it s not very fair. The thing to talk about first is to learn How that language was shaped. In order to be a male men have been taught that they Dofi t talk about the Efcy they feel. You Don t even think about the Way you feel because that s not Manly but then when they gel married it s expected of them. A lot of women eel that men just Don t know How to communicate that men have All these limitations and to some extent they re right. But is there a right Way to be meth cited one couple who sought counselling because of infertility problems the woman cried freely when describing her feelings of sadness Over not having a child the Man spoke More matter of Lacolly of the same feelings prompting the woman to accuse him of not looking genuinely sad. Then he gets angry because his Wile is  he does t eel something does someone have to cry and look sad to be sad meth said. But even before men and women can begin formulating a workable peace treaty by learning their different emotional languages the need for a truce needs to to recognized by both sides. I think the Best Way to say in is that in this current flare up in the Battle of the sexes a lot of men just opt be  says Judith Sills author of a Fiji Romance a guide to the stages of courtship As seen both men and women and a clinical psychologist can Ripe Tarj in ring so j is there s a tremendous amount of anger on the part of women and interest on the part of women toward changing the Static in relationships says Sills. She a the expression of that anger in the current deluge of sell help books which lend to fall into a couple of categories How to gel your Man and then what s wrong with the Man you be  a few Sam pc titles crowding the Bookstore shelves How to marry the Man of your Choice what to do when he won t change women who can t Saf no and the men who control them. Men Are feeling very  Sas or. Warren Farrell author of Why men Are the Way they Are and a teacher at the University of san Diego medical school because if you go into a hallmark store and look at the cards in the love and Friendship Section half of the cards Are those that put men Down. The woman s View of the world is legitimately i eel like a woman who loves Loo much " says Farrell. But the same is True for men Book titles like men who \ Hale women and the women who love them really make men angry. Men Are feeling like not Only Are you attacking me but you re calling it sell improvement. No Only Are you Haling me but you re doing it in the love and Friendship Section " Sills says such books Are also fueling misunderstanding by increasing the male View that women Are desperate Lor marriage. Ii is just not right to contribute to the myth that men Don t want this and women have to go behind their backs to get  understanding How each sex approaches a relationship will bring us closer to a truce says Sills. A Man s conceptual framework is very different from questioning Shere Hite s new Book and Sli by Fox Butterfield new York times news Here Hite s new Book. Women and love. Is coming under increasing attack by academic specialists who contend that its statistical conclusions that a great majority of women Are unhappy with their male partners Are based on badly hawed methodology at the same time a series of recent episodes involving Hile have raised questions about her behaviour in addition her literary agent Sterling lord resigned Lor reasons he declined to explain. Lord a prominent agent would say Only that his resignation was a private  he denied that it had anything to do with the controversy about Hite s research methods typical of the critics of women and love is Robert m. Groves a professor of sociology at the University of Michigan who described it As the functional equivalent of malpractice for surveys " we should t even Call this a scientific Survey said Groves a specialist in sampling what she s got is some Case studies of women and it s an abuse logo from there and claim it is a Survey she is doing damage to serious social science research " Hile did not return Telephone Calls to her apartment in new York City Bui a woman who identified herself As Joan Brookbank and said she was an employee of Hile said. Our defense is in the Book " when a Book is 900 pages  she added people should wite about what s in the Book and not about what other people say about it " shun ref int Book. Woman and  hat provoked an angry reaction from Many nation. Page 14 the stars and stripes of the Book Stanley Presser the director of the sociology program of the National science foundation and a former chairman of the standards committee of the american association Lor Public opinion research said it looks like a convenient Sample of the worst sort. My feeling is none of the numbers in the Book can be relied on. Since there s nothing behind  mile s new Book her third in a series on male and female sexuality is based on responses to questionnaires she Send out. Largely to women s groups. But a number of political scientists sociologists psychologists and statisticians argue that the Survey was so poorly designed that it does not represent anything More than the opinions of those women who took the trouble to answer the questionnaires. The Book has also provoked an angry reaction from Many men and some women who feel its depiction of i women s dissatisfaction with men is overdrawn. Hile contends Lor example thai 70 percent of women married five years or More Are having sex outside of their  when reached by Telephone the woman who identified herself As Brookbank whose voice bore a Strong resemblance to Hite s. Refused to say what her work for Hite was asked Why Hile herself would not come to the phone Brookbank said she s awfully Busy " then she asked. What is this a Witch Hunt a few minutes later hit s husband Friedrich Honicke called Back to stress that the person on the phone had really been Brookbank a literary agent and spokeswoman for Hite. Rather than his wife. During an appearance on the Oprah Winfrey wednesday Nove