European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - December 31, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Cd  a few my Talon hell tote pc / stones of 7 957. By Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspaper. La i been quite .1 year. If memory serves these Wmk la stories behind the  in 19j17, january Oral in hark cells i followers that unless Duy Send him $4.5 Milli Iii Liy the i nil of the1 month Grid will inn him Inlo ,1 hypo Grilii in Money grubber. In new York cily Offu  of the Justice department s org animal crime task Force announce Ali in Anthony Grain embargo dil Tindero Stanil Jinx by Thi Iii 1  y put i new shirts Norimi a Ivi agreed to enter the Federal nit  Euh Ange program fur inns Lars. In his first press conference since 1952, president Reagan asked l y reporters to comment on p sri steel allegations Phil i r is out of touch responds thinks but i just   february a new polity requiring random drug testing if ill airline pilots runs into ,1 Snag when nearly half Ohhet Delta pilots Are unable to Iii the specimen bottle. Mario cd omit announces that he does t want lube president and immediately becomes the democratic parly s front runner. President Reagan announces that he cannot remember whether lie approved the Sale of arms to Iran the president tells White House reporters everybody  can remember what they were doing on aug. 8, 11115, raise your  while House reporters examine their diaries and discover to their immense Shock thai on aug. 8, 11h5, they approved the Sale of arms to Iran. March a Barge loaded with garbage sets out into the Atlantic under he command of explorer author Thor Heyerdahl who is seeking to prove that South America  discovered by ancient mariners sailing from Islip Long Island in crude garbage barges. In what is killed is a major arms race breakthrough . And Soviel Erml negotiators in Geneva agree to  Matching fulfils. In to illegal Industrial waste dump somewhere in Louisiana lightning strikes iwo adjacent putrid pools of festering corrosive toxic Dinrie setting off a bizarre to lain of chemical  that cause the pools first to Bubble then slowly horrifyingly to solidify and pulsate upward gradually forming themselves Inlo shapes that in the  Liuha of the flickering  storm appear almost human. I they shriek cheerfully. We re in and Tammy Faye april speaking in unison an estimated three dozen congressmen All of them age 43, Jit of them Blond and All of them named Dak announce thai they Irr seeking the democratic presidential nomination. To Colorado former Dit he Ratic sen. Gary Hart declares his candidacy for the in Siren Lloil nomination making the official announcement while Shin Ding in front of a dramatic backdrop of soaring mountains lowering Pine refs and four Miami i  reporters disguised As rhododendrons. Following a lengthy and dramatic trial a confused new Jersey jury awards t Slody of a .1 month old boy to ,1 i week uld girl. May i ale at night on a quiet Washington Street four Miami Herald reporters Emir fat from a Mailbox and confront Gary Hart. Knowing that the voting Public does not wish to read squalid details about a candidate s personal life arid would much prefer that the Media focus on issues the re pullers question i Lart relentlessly Abdul his views on monetary policy. Gary Hart withdraws from the race after word leaks out that the Washington Post has obtained  that he once proposed lying the prime Rale tit the Index of leading economic indicators. Citing alleged bisexual activity officials of the assemblies of god Church vote to have Jim Bakki a re rocked. Then they hastily Vole to have him rocked again. Lunch True item in Venice for the european economic Summit president Reagan unaware that his words Are being broadcast Over in open microphone tells a joke wherein god gradually reduces a gondolier s intelligence until the gondolier switches from singing of sole Mio to when Irish eyes Are smiling in Wimbledon action John Mcenroe kills a line judge and is Given a Stern warning. In a ground breaking Experiment medical researcher reduce a gondolier s intelligence to the Bare minimum required to sustain life and the gondolier says everybody thai can remember what they were doing on aug. A 19u5, raise your  july the Hormel company Marks the Soth anniversary of spam in festivities featuring a full size fully functioning suspension Bridge constructed entirely out of the popular luncheon substance. The Central figure in the Iran Contra hearings Marine i. Col. Oliver North becomes an instant National Folk hero when Wilh his eyes glistening and his voice cracking Wilh Emolion he courageously admits before a worldwide television audience that he is very patriotic the Iran Contra hearings reach their  Peak when it. Col Oliver North his eyes glistening and his voice cracking with Emolion makes a sweeping patriotic hand gesture and knocks Over his Billle of Revlon Eye listener August e the . Spote probe meandered ii after a journey of six years and Many millions of Miles passes within 400 Miles of the surface of Neptune sending Back dramatic color photo graphs of a Delia air lines Jet. Thousands of people gifted with new age conscioun.? celebrate the harmonic convergence by picking Al their sir Ailjay Kil straps with their Teeth. In the persian Gulf tensions in mind As a . Gimbal engages in a scuffle Wilh Tor Sean Penn. Professional football  a strike demanding the right to  Normal Nicks october sen. Joseph Biden is for de to withdraw from the democratic presidential  it is Learned that lie is in fact an elderly norwegian woman. In an Effort to establish  she is not a Bimbo Lessica Halm appears nude in i Liy my Ranii Izanc. In Norman okla., a Peru  it oxalic Bank Teller known to its followers Nelv the Leader kinds a message nut on a Spe   transmission line to new Vork. Within be iinds. Wall Street is gripped by the worst computer riot in history. The Senate rejects Robert i irk. President Meagan s nominee for the us Ireine court. Reagan informed of this angrily responds who the Senate transportation committee recommends thai the Federal sri re limit should be raised on highways going thro sigh Boring or ugly areas so Drivers can gel the ouija them Iju Icker in Indiana for instance the committee says it should be 1.15 Miles per  november in Geneva the final  h la a superpower Tuminio is removed As . Negotiators agree not to notice the ugly Mark on the forehead of soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev. Caspar Weinberger retires and is presented Wilh a pen and Pencil set Buill by the general dynamics corp. For $js2.4 million. The world financial Community s Foith in the us. Economy is restored As her Uii h Louse and Senate conferees Hammer out a breakthrough Compromise deficit reduction measure under which $417.65 will be slashed from the $13,2 million pastry budget of the Federal Bureau of putting up Road signs Wilh Kilometres on them. Mikhail Gorbachev is interviewed by Tom Brokaw who clearly nervous addresses the soviet Leader As Premier forehead  december in a widely hailed Legal Dension the judge in the bitter divorce dispute Between loan Collins and Peter Holm orders them both shot. In Washington the Long awaited ./Sovlet Summit celing gets under Way As president Reagan nominates soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev to the supreme court. The Summit concludes on a triumphant note As in the culmination of 10 years us negotiations Between the superpowers Mikhail Gorbachev and new Vork gov. Mario Cuomo sign a historic agreement under which both sides will move All of the mid and Short Range Long term strategic tactical nut Lear weapons 150 feel to the left. Under intense pressure from the . To reduce the Trade deficit japanese Auto manufacturers agree to give their cars really ugly names. S Oscar c. Klaxton an employee of the . Department for making everybody nervous wins a $10,000 prize for dreaming up the concept of a deadly Hole in an invisible Ozone  mint Zinc Dott Mytr 31,19t7