European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - January 4, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse A marital end Amity therapist Chat length belief that Jet today it to Lottita alga of love tier a movie Icene. A Little jealousy can go a Long Way new York times jealousy is a feeling to All experience from time to time. In infancy Lor instance we might feel a twinge when we see father give Mother a hug or in childhood when a sibling seems to gel More parental atle lion or a bigger cookie. In adolescence we might experience in when a rival wins the Alle Lions of our current heartthrob. And in adulthood it May surface when an undeserving colleague is promoted Over us judging irom its near universality a certain amount of jealousy seems perfectly Normal in fact or. Willard Gaylin a new York psychiatrist has suggested that in Ine course of evolution jealousy probably had an adaptive he explained that childhood jealousy usually provoked by sibling rivalry inspires competitiveness that helps the fittest to survive. Gaylin who wrote feelings our vital signs Harper & flow perennial Library. $6.95added that children without siblings Are Otten Al a disadvantage because lacking a rival they do not understand compete Iron. In b biological sense Normal jealousy is a Type of stress reaction that can mobilize people to respond to a threat by increasing their alertness stimulating them and fueling their ability to act. Did jealousy can also become pathological causing Erma Bombeck emotional devastate wreaking havoc with relationships and provoking Vioenca. Even murder or. Robert l. Barker a marital and family therapist in Washington who is author of the Green eyed mania a surviving jealous free press 417.95said that jealousy is a primary Factor in thai .8 million cases or wife abuse that come to Public attention each year altar evaluating 70 recent surveys of Wile abuse to reported extreme jealousy was present in Jaios of the husbands ranging from 66 percent in same samples to Over 95 percent in others in tha work world mild jealousy can to a useful prod that encourages productivity. It could prompt someone to work harder Lor example alter the Boss admires a colleague s performance. But jealousy can also be professionally crippling. Barker cites the Case of a talented Young lawyer who became pathologically jealous of a Young female lawyer in his firm. He became so intent on undermining this "rival1 that his own work suffered. When promotion Lime Cama she was made a partner but he was not. Barker even challenges the Bezilel that jealousy is a reliable sign of love. As with the lawyer to is possible la Leel jealousy toward someone you Don t love or oven like even toward someone you dislike. Definitions vary depending upon the expert perspective. Most seem to agree that it is a Complex Leeling similar to anxiety and tear that stems Iron worry about losing something a person already has wants to have or imagines having. Jealousy reflects the Beliel that there is a limited Supply of whatever is desired respect love prestige. The thinking usually subconscious goes like this h Mother shows love toward my brother there must not be much left Lor me. Or if my wife has fun with another Man it Nuol mean Sho i hunks i m lacking something. Usually jealous feelings pass quickly when the person realizes the tears thai provoked Thorn Are groundless. Mother does not run out of love. Spouses can never expect to meal each other s every need. Jealousy is often confused with envy which Gaytin describes As a bitter resentful feeling characterized by a sense of deprivation and a belief that others have what we want a seme of powerlessness in the face of this disparity and a belief thai we Are deprived precisely because others have what we want. Envy can Breed paranoia and false Competition the kind that lakes place thousands Al times a Day on now York City streets whore Drivers routinely Cut one another Oil in angry retaliation Lor some perceived indignity. A certain amount of jealousy seems to be inherent my twins Al just six weeks of age first showed jealousy alter one of the boys watched me nursing his twin brother. The observer showed his displeasure by rejecting me As Only a Newborn care refusing for Days to make Eye Contact with me or respond to my attentions. But while mild jealousy May be a Normal human response pathological jealousy is Learned. Too often parental actions and reactions intensify jealous feelings and establish unhealthy rivalries often out of misguided love and Devotion parents teach a child thai he or she is the Center of the universe by giving in to the child s every wish and demand. Parents who cannot stand to see lha child even momentarily unhappy risk rearing a self entered person. These spoiled children dread any sense of deprivation and lend to become inordinately demanding of attention and affection it is Lar healthier to tech children that they must share their parents Lime and attention. Children need to be Given opportunities and encouragement to solve problems on their own which Fostera a sense of adequacy and Security. When children accuse parents of being unfair As All children do the response should not be to measure the cookies but to say we try to be fair but you Are not the same people and there is no Way you can or should be treated exactly the parents should also be wary of reinforcing jealous behaviour. If a child becomes Overly possessive when her Mother is occupied with the baby the Mother should Tell the child she s Busy now and will pay attention to her later dropping everything to Comfort the Tantrum thrower Only encourages tantrums. Even spanking an attention demanding child can backfire since the child May Leel that getting the attention is Worth the pain. Many Psychoanal Yali View jealousy in love relationships As a projection of the jealous person s own unconscious wishes to betray a Lover. As Gayllon put ii we lend to judge others by by lha same Token this View can be used to help jealous people overcame hurtful Lee lungs by realizing i Don t act on my fantasies Why should she Bui rarely in the Mailer so simple. Pathological jealousy a Ollen deeply rooted in Low series sem a Lack of self Confidence and feelings 61 Inadequacy. A victimized Lover is nol Likely to be Aba to undo such Basic personality problems and professional counselling May be needed. This country has such a news glut i knew in was Only a matter of time before he Media ran Cut of questions and the subjects ran out of interesting answers. It s no Tonga a Mailer of what do you think and what Are you feeling they be done that. Today everything comes Down to so what Are you wearing when Imelda and Ferdinand Marcos fled the Philippines to live in Eite while the Aquino government took Over what was Ine pc Rel question i a was raised How Many shoes do you have Imelda and now did the world discover that Ferdinand planned a Lake Over of his country someone leaked to he press thai h
